5. Military Affairs - As Governor, Pollen (sp?) is authorized to deploy Alaska's National Guard in times of emergency. And while the Guard's Adjunct General admits that she plays no role in national defense, and isn't briefed on military exercises, the fact is -- she's been photographed holding a machine gun, while Obama has yet to wield so much as a .38 for the cameras. When it comes to keeping me safe, that's all I need to know.
6. Foreign Affairs - While Obama likes to take Middle East tours, meet with Europe's leaders, and brag about his running mate being the foreign policy voice of the Senate, he can't hold a candle to Palenn's (sp?) understanding of today's complex, dangerous world. Yes, Sarah admitted that she hadn't paid much attention to the war in Iraq, but she knew enough to rightly call it a "task from God." Yes, she's only left North America once in her life, but her experience as a local sportscaster gave her the ability to follow events as they unfold at lightning speed. And as Cindy McCain pointed out, while Barack Obama was sipping lattes in Cambridge Square, Sarah Pinkston (sp?) was staring down the barrel of Putin's Kalashnikov -- a one woman wall keeping America safe from invasion.
7. Restoring America's Image - Who better than a former beauty queen to add some new luster to America's battered image? Paylen (sp?) will take a proverbial can of Aqua Net to our nation's unruly hair, and apply liberal (no pun intended) amounts of blush to Lady Liberty's cheekbones. In a word, she'll dazzle the world with her charm and style. Even the most anti-Western extremists will melt when they see the People and Vanity Fair spreads of Sarah warming her fur-lined extremities over burning science textbooks. And how would Obama restore our leadership in the world? The question we should be asking is: why does he only have two children, while Sarah has at least twice that number? What does Senator Obama have against America's children?
8. Her Soul - In one 15-minute meeting, and one follow-up phone call, John McCain was able to determine that Sarah was more than his running mate -- she was his "soul mate." Not only that, but that she was more qualified to be a heartbeat away from the Oval Office than any Republican on earth. Yes, this is a testament to the power and quickness of McCain's decision making. But it's also a testament to the power of Sarah Payton's (sp?) soul. As a Muslim, it's not even clear that Obama has a soul.