For 8 years, HOPE has been my only solace

FrenchieCat

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Sat Jan-26-08 03:28 PM
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For 8 years, HOPE has been my only solace

When the 2000 election came down to the Supreme Court and they voted to stop the vote count, and George Bush was handed the White House, I was crushed. I saw a manipulative media, a scheming GOP, and a rather accepting general public. I was mad as hell!

Folks soothed me by telling me that George Bush wouldn't cause too much harm. He would be as mediocre as his father had been, they said. So I hoped that this would be the case. Then a day after being sworn in, Bush showed me that he would wasn't going to let up and would be as divisive a President as he had been, fighting to gain entrance into the White House.

Then 9/11 happened, and I hoped that the country would come together and see Bush for the leader that he was; one that allowed an attack upon our shores. I was one who still hated George Bush, and saw thru his successful manipulation of both the media and the American People. I stopped watching the television in hopes that what I was seeing happened wasn't happening. I hoped that others would also see through his fear mongering, and so I waited.

Then it was announced in September of 2002 that we were going to go to war against Iraq. I was asking myself, Why in the fuck for? I hoped that the American people would see through this and deny George the chance of getting his war on. I looked toward elected officials, and started a letter writing campaign to asked them not to allow us to be taken to war. I hoped that the media would allow us to see the holes in the case that Bush was making. The IWR passed overwhelmingly, and I felt that we were entering into an era of shame and pathetic nationalistic dumb shit. I watched Sec. Powell. at the UN, make an ass out of himself with his cartoon drawings of imaginary things that he attempted to persuade existed. I was stunned!

And so, more determined than ever before, I marched and I marched and I called and I called and I wrote and I wrote, and I hoped that I could make a difference-- but I couldn't.

We went into war with the media gleefully selling us "Shock and Awe". I was repelled and swore that I would no longer watch the television. I turned it off, turned on HGTV and became a very good decorator.

The election of 2004 once again raised my hopes. I was ready more than ever before to see that SOB sitting in my White House be vanquished. I shopped for a candidate, and I felt good. Howard Dean was out there talking about the war that I so hated in a way that I hadn't heard. The other candidates, John Kerry and John Edwards had both participated in acquiescing to Bush on the war, and so they were not candidates to whom I was attracted....(although I did flirt with Edwards for a minute until I found out just how culpable a role he had played in pushing the War in Iraq theme). Howard Dean was about to get my vote, when I heard of a retired General that was contemplating running. I researched his background and felt hopeful that this guy, Wes Clark, would "kill" Bush at the polls. Once again, I took up my activist banner and decided I would participate in changing my country back for the good. Unfortunately, Wes Clark didn't make it (although I believe to this day that he could have won in the GE), and my hopes automatically shifted and trained on John Kerry. I supported him, and hoped that this would be the end of George Bush. It wasn't. I was devastated.

I slumped back to my computer, and started right away in counting the minutes to 2008. I had hoped that Wes Clark, who hadn't gotten wide exposure the last time, would again choose to run. He didn't. Clark endorsed Hillary early, and I kept an open mind. I wasn't a dynasty enthusiast, and looking at her war stance, I felt queasy and not too delighted. I attempted to talk myself into supporting her, but I simply couldn't. The war, which was still going on, held on as a guiding principle for me and it wouldn't let go. I believe that all of our current woes are directly attached to this war that should never have been fought....and so, how that war evolved stayed close to my motives as to whom might get my 2008 vote.

Initially, I didn't notice him much; Barack, that is. As a Black woman, I had seen previous Black candidates run and was never impressed. I initially didn't bother to look into him, because I felt that he wouldn't be a serious candidate, and I wanted to win more than anything. Even Oprah's endorsement of Barack didn't speak to me. But in looking at the candidates, I knew that I couldn't support Edwards because I was never comfortable with his 3 years after the fact apology. It smelled of political calculation almost as strong as his initial push for the war had been. It appeared to me only as a prep to a 2008 run.

And so, as I was about to board the Hillary "maybe will finally win" train, I decided to look at Obama....as I also reviewed Biden and Richardson one last time.

It is then that I became hopeful once again. I listened to Obama talk about ending the politics of division, something that I never understood the whys of anyway. Division had been the problem since before 2000. It was what led to the close election between Bush and Gore. I never understood the partisanship view of things. I had always believed in facts and evidence leading the way to a rational conclusion, rather than there being two equal sides to everything. Here was a man talking about the concept of getting rid of this separation that had kept our country at edge for quite sometime. He talked about changing politics, and after 8 years, I was certainly ready.

And so, we come to today. I am still hopeful, but only hopeful that people will decide correctly that Obama is the person that really can take us to a new place; a place where a majority can start understanding that there is right vs. wrong, good vs. bad, and that a strong leader is one who understands that thoroughly. That it is not about fighting against those who would disagree, but rather, it is more effective to persuade them as to why they are incorrect in their beliefs. To talk directly to Americans with a new language and point out to our similarities, and to our common goals.

As a Californian, living in a very mixed area (Oakland-Bay Area), I had not suspected that Latinos didn't like Black people and wouldn't vote for a Black candidate. I had not suspected that there was a wide gi-sm between Black Religious folks and the Gay community. I was not aware that Women would vote for a woman simply because she was, and that African Americans weren't allowed to believe the same about voting for a Black candidate. I had forgotten that being of mixed race (as I am) would mean that I was possibly not "Black enough". I hadn't figured that students voting was a bad thing...and I certainly wasn't' aware that gaining traction with Independents and dejected Republicans was not the way to win a general election. In other words, I was unaware that a candidate discussing the politics of hope and Change was simply an empty of substance candidate with a corny sound byte that meant nothing to nobody and weight about as much as air.

And so, as I watch MSNBC coverage of the South Carolina primaries, at the same time that voters are entering the voting booth, I now clearly have been made to understand about the significance of Obama's 10% White support over and over again. I see one single poll on my screen showing Barack winning by giant numbers (which is not really what will happen), and I watch as the media touts John Edwards all of the sudden (without stating any of the issues that will kill him in the GE other than he was the "grown up" in last weeks' debate) I realize that there is no such thing as hope....and if there is, the priority is to slowing squeeze it out of us, drop by drop. I realize that hope is too strong of a concept for us to be allowed to have. We should instead go with whatever we are told, and resign ourselves to whatever will be.

So there is no need to pray, to wish, to have a vision, because at the end of the day, hope was taken from me for the last time during this election campaign.

Hillary will not get my vote, because she was finally able to take away my hope.