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Edited on Tue Dec-04-07 08:52 PM by NanceGreggs
The Republican Party has some great items for sale, which you can now purchase on-line just in time for the War on Christmas gift-grabbing season!
Here’s just a small sampling of the fantastic items we are currently offering:
Rudy “America’s Mayor” Giuliani: This item just came up for auction minutes ago, and is bound to be a quick-seller! In incredibly good shape after having spent every waking hour at Ground Zero for months after the attacks of 2001, Rudy inexplicably turned into toast this week – but the crunchy goodness is still there!. Comes complete with mistress-turned-wife No. 3, and one worn-out Louis Vuitton bag (those are two separate items, though often mistaken as being one and the same).
The opening bid for this item is $9.11 – but he’s worth at least TWICE that, so don’t hesitate to get in on the action!
Made-in-China Crucifix Jewelry: The must-have accessory for every Jesus follower, this lead-laden piece was lovingly hand-crafted by slave laborers working in inhumane conditions – and that savings is being passed along to you, the American Christian! The huge demand for this precious reflection of Christian values has already necessitated 20-hour-per-day work shifts, and may require more children to be coerced into sweatshops. So please place your orders now!
Adopt-a-Detainee: At this holiest time of year, we should not forget those less fortunate. Through GOP-BAY’s new program, you can include a Gitmo inmate in your holiday giving. An order form is available on our website; please be sure to specify your gift-giving preference, e.g. (a) no waterboarding on December 25th, (b) “O, Holy Night” being blared into a cell for twenty-four hours non-stop, etc.
The Burn the Constitution Kit: Vastly popular for the past six-plus years, this hours-of-fun kit has proven its popularity with kids from 6 to 66! The kit includes one copy of the Constitution and one box of matches. The Constitution can be set alight as a whole, or each amendment can be burned separately!
White House Madlibs: A perennial favorite, this game is guaranteed to keep your holiday guests in stitches! Who doesn’t laugh at phrases like “putting food on your family”, “the economy is stronger than ever”, or “we’ve turned the corner in Iraq”? Just rearrange the talking points provided – and before you know it, you’ve created a G.W. Bush speech the same way the professionals do it! (Suitable for mental ages 1 through 2.)
“The Who’s Who of the Bush Administration”: Even Republicans may find themselves in the awkward position of having a book-reader on their Christmas list. And as unlikely as that may be, this tome is sure to please that one recalcitrant reader among your friends and family members. The book includes fascinating factual information on how Jeff Gannon got his WH press pass, how often Jack Abramoff attended at the White House, etc. (However, it should be noted that GOP-BAY accepts no responsibility for any possible blacked-out redactions that may appear.)
LAST-MINUTE STOCKING STUFFERS: Is there anything more embarrassing than having an unexpected lobbyist guest show up with a gift, when you have nothing on-hand to reciprocate? Purchased by the ton, these tried-and-true cheaper-than-cheap gifts could be the answer to your prayers! Our pre-packaged odd-lot grab-bags include items such as Ann Coulter’s complete book collection, copies of Dick Cheney’s five deferment requests (framed and autographed), a map of the planet courtesy of the Flat Earth Society, a Special Edition “Inherit the Wind” DVD with alternate ending, a copy of the newly-revised Word of God Bible edited by Pat Robertson (includes the never-before-published parables on abortionists and ACLU members), and a coupon for 50% off on any video diagnosis by former senator Dr. William Frist!
THIS ITEM JUST ADDED!!! One NIE Report declaring that Iran is not a threat to the US. Very poor condition due to having been torn to pieces by irate administration. $2.50 or best offer.
Up for BIDS!!! LARGE LOT!!! – First come, First served. Used computers from WH, Department of Justice & Other Gov’t Offices. Hard-drives guaranteed wiped-clean, ready for new program installations. FREE to good homes – Previous owners will pay shipping & handling to ANYWHERE outside of US jurisdiction!
DRASTICALLY REDUCED HOLIDAY PARTY ENTERTAINMENT!!! Stressed because you’re in charge of the office party entertainment, and all of the good stuff is already booked? KARL ROVE is available to lecture, perform his ventriloquist act, or dazzle with his magic tricks (including “The Math”!). No serious offer refused – bid must include bus fare to/from, plus boxed lunch/dinner.
KEEP CHECKING THIS SITE!!! Future upcoming bargains for sale may include:
· Entire Huckabee Campaign
· Joe Klein’s Will-Blog-For-Food Offer
· Pat Robertson’s revised Repent in Leisure presidential endorsement
· Bernie Kerik testimonial to the Honesty & Integrity of __________ (anyone you choose!)
PLUS more, more, more!!!
All auction bids are final, shipping costs stated FOB, some offers void where prohibited by law.
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