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I wouldn’t agree with the Republican view of things in any event, but I could at least muster up a bit of respect for them if they just came out and said what they mean instead of couching it in other terms.
They say: “It is imperative we stay in Iraq until the country is stabilized to the point we can hand the government safely over to its people.” What they mean is: “It is imperative we stabilize Iraq to the point where we can get their oil safely into the hands of Exxon-Mobil.”
They say: “We have to ensure that God is part of the American way of life.” What they mean is: “We have to ensure that OUR VERSION of god is part of the American way of life.”
They say: “Christian values are the foundation of America.” What they mean is: “We’re dead if we don’t get those God-damned Fundie voters.”
They say: “We support the troops.” What they mean is: “We’ve got ourselves a great slogan, and we’re going to use it over, and over, and over!”
They say: “We will fight to overturn Roe v Wade.” What they mean is: “We’re going to keep trottin’ this one out as long as you idiots keep believing we mean it.”
They say: “We must protect the sanctity of marriage by passing a no-same-sex marriage amendment to the Constitution.” What they mean is: “You fell for this empty promise in ’00 and ’04, and we’re hoping you’ll fall for it again in ‘08!”
They say: “Barack Obama’s middle name is Hussein, and that’s cause for suspicion.” What they mean is: “We’ve got nothin’, people, nothin’ – at least applaud our straw-grasping efforts!”
They say: “The surge is working.” What they mean is: “We’ve just spent $15 million of your tax dollars with a PR company who will tell you the surge is working.”
They say: “We are the party of fiscal responsibility.” What they mean is: “If the Democrats can’t clean up yet another financial mess we’ve created, we’re all screwn!”
They say: “We are the party of moral Christian values.” What they mean is: “Except in public restrooms, brothels, hotel suites, etc.”
They say: “Another Republican has had to resign due to the pressure of unwarranted Democratic investigations.” What they mean is: “Another Republican has been caught red-handed.”
They say: “Our borders are completely protected.” What they mean is: “Cheney’s still got a shotgun.”
They say: “The Democrats are on yet another fishing expedition.” What they mean is: “The Democrats are about to reel-in a BIG ONE!”
They say: “The GOP couldn’t be more optimistic about 2008!” What they mean is: “We’re f*cked and we know it.”
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