|
Edited on Fri Mar-23-07 09:06 PM by NanceGreggs
Encouraging the Enemy 101
By Nancy Greggs
I should start by saying that the chances of me ever becoming the president and commander-in-chief of a nation is pretty much in the slim-to-none category – okay, the nil-nada-ain’t-never-gonna-happen category.
But if I ever found myself in that position, and if I lied my country into war, my lack of military experience and expertise (which seems to be all the rage these days) wouldn’t prevent me from knowing how to encourage the enemy. I have learned how to do that from masters of the craft.
As soon as I declared war, I would start at the logical place to ensure my country’s enemies were lulled into a true state of security by ignoring the advice of experienced, military strategists. I would rely instead on a small clique (who would have a catchy name, like PNAC or some such) and hang on their every word. The fact that they had been proven wrong in every prediction they’d ever made about war, or the outcome thereof, would not deter me one iota from taking their advice in all matters.
To really get my enemy dancing in the streets, I would immediately award no-bid contracts to companies known to be scurrilous war-profiteers, thereby diverting funds that could be used for necessary combat equipment into the bank accounts of my buddies instead.
After I had illegally invaded another country on the pretext of liberating it, I would start harassing and arresting its citizens. This would serve a two-fold purpose: I would not only be recruiting more people for the enemy’s cause, I would also be discouraging anyone in said invaded country who might have ever been fool enough to trust me or my countrymen from doing so. I’d also put as much distance as I could between myself and my country’s traditional allies. You just know the enemy loves me now!
At this juncture, as I have learned, it is important to make the citizens of the newly liberated country as hostile as possible towards my occupying forces. Torture is the easiest route to successfully encouraging the enemy here – and if I can throw in sexual humiliation and other conduct totally contrary to their religious beliefs, all the better. A lack of clean water, and less than a few hours of electricity per day will also add to the enemy’s fortitude, joyous in the knowledge that there will now be no end to the people they’ll be able to bring on-board against me and mine.
It would seem obvious that demoralizing one’s own military is a boon to the enemy’s cause, and I now know how to accomplish that as well. Simply gut the pay, benefits and pensions of soldiers while they’re in combat. I assure you this a guaranteed-to-work plan – but if you’re skittish, you can add sending them contaminated water via that no-bid war-profiteer corporation that’s billing the taxpayer to the tune of billions of bucks – just for good measure. Your own soldiers will be mightily depressed – but the guys on the other side will be elated! And don’t forget to hire mercenaries at ten times the wage you’re paying your regular army – that’ll do it every time!
While I’m at it, I’ve got to keep sending ill-equipped, hastily-trained troops into battle time, after time, after time – you know, extend those rotations. Send guys who are injured and combat-fatigued into the fray over and over again. You want to see an encouraged enemy? Just let ‘em know that they don’t have to wear down your troops, because you’re more than happy to do the job for them!
All right, all right, I know. The aforementioned is high school hi-jinks compared to the stuff you can do if you’re intent on making the enemy ecstatic. But that takes some sacrifice on the homefront.
While my troops were dying to protect the rights and freedoms of my country, I would start putting policies in place that eroded those rights and freedoms – there’s nothing like letting the enemy know you’re on their side when it comes to destroying democracy. I’d be careful to give these policies irony-laden names – like the Patriot Act – because I not only want to encourage the enemy, I want to give ‘em a good laugh while I’m at it.
And if I ever had occasion to think the enemy was down-in-the-dumps for any reason, I’d perk up their spirits by outing one of my own under-cover operatives for political revenge, blame the citizenry for my lack of progress by decrying the lack of Support the Troops bumpersticker sales, and every time I met with yet another failure, I’d vow to “Stay the Course” – just so the enemy doesn’t get discouraged by thinking I’ve finally come to my senses and decided to do something rational for a change.
In order to really keep the enemy in good spirits, I’d plunge my country into debt in order to fund my little unwinnable war, and while I was busy racking up casualties among my own, I’d keep any possible enlistment of new recruits down by treating my injured vets in hellholes (a.k.a. hospitals under privatized care) and make it nearly impossible to access disability benefits and other health care needs.
And just so the enemy knows who's really on whose side, I'd promote as much nefarious criminal activity within my own administration as possible, creating enmity in my own backyard -- 'cause there's no point in just fighting 'em over there, when you can fight 'em over here as well!
Do I know how to encourage the enemy? You’re damned real. After all, I've had the best role models in the world.
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
