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My Dearest President Bush:
As a good Republican woman, you can rest assured that no matter what gets said, or even proven, about the corruption running rampant in your administration and our party, I will continue to support you and be on your side. I will even visit you in prison and bring you a good chicken dinner with all the fixin’s every Sunday, if it ever comes to that.
But in the meantime, I feel obliged to put pen to paper in hopes that with a little imagination, the terrible fate of impeachment and imprisonment will not come to pass.
All of us out here who believed in you from day one – well, those of us what’s left – are hoping you will get all of your smartest fellas together and come up with some better excuses for your behavior.
‘Cause to be perfectly honest – which I always am, being a good Christian and all – a lot of us are having a bit of a rough turn trying to hang on to our beliefs in the face of what’s been showing up in the papers and on the TV news, expecially when said excuses are so thin, we can actually see the truth comin’ through in spite of trying with all our might to ignore it.
Why, just in the last few days alone, we’ve had to contend with this Gonzales man who’s obviously never told the truth in his life. I think you should look into his citizenship status, if you don’t mind me saying such, because his sayin’ one thing and then t’other is making a good man like yerself look like a fool every time he opens his mouth. Mistakes were made? Why can’t he just own up to the fact that it was him what made the mistakes, so as to get you off the hook?
Sure we loyal Republicans are willing to swallow it when it’s the vice president lying from one day to the next, but he IS the vice president, and we’ve all come to expect such. I don’t know that we’ve got room in our hearts for excusing some foreigner doing the same.
I tell you with a very heavy heart, Mr. President, that this Walter Reed situation is causing some of your most loyal constituents to rethink their previous thinkin’. We’re supposed to be the party that Supports the Troops – and we’ve got the bumperstickers to prove it.
Can’t you just come out and explain to everyone how it’s Bill Clinton’s fault that our wounded vetrens ain’t getting their due? I just KNOW there’s a connection there, and I wish you would put your usual political courtesy to a past president aside and speak up about his hand in this.
Speaking personal, if I may – and I know I can, you being so down to earth and all – I am of late losin’ my well deserved sleep over this Aboo Grab thing and what’s been in the paper about it.
That nice Rumsfeld boy – who why you fired him I’ll never know – assured us that it was just a few Bad Apples what did those terrible things in Iraq. Now we’re hearing as how you knew about it all along, and actually told those soldiers to go ahead and act like their mothers brought them up NOT to. I’ve gotta tell you that troubles me more than a bit – but I just keep reminding myself that there’s national security involved here, and that’s why you probably can’t just come right out and say you didn’t know nothin’ about it, and those emails that said you did was just made up by some no-gooder out to make our success in Iraq look like some kind of made-up fabrication.
Now, I KNOW we’re not supposed to be aware of this, Mr. President – stuff has a way of leakin’ out, if you get my drift – but you and yours pay lots of money to those ‘think tanks’ to come up with good reasons why you seem to be breaking the law all the time.
I think you’d best throw some more money their way, so they can come up with better excuses than they’re presently coming up with.
I know these smart boys don’t work for free, so maybe you could ask your friends at Halliburton to contribute to this good cause. God knows they have the money to spare thanks to your generosity in giving a fledgling young company a hand-up in a time of need – but you’d better do your askin’ quick, cause I hear they’re leaving town.
In short, Mr. President, your loyal supporters (like yours truly) are trying our best to keep believin’ you’re a good, honest, Christian man – but the dirty laundry that’s being hung on the line these days is enough to make even the strongest among us wonder what in tarnation has been happening in our government – and those people on the internetz, with their facts, and figures, and statistics and whatnall, are bound to put a dent in your legendary truth-tellin’ ability, which before now has been beyond reproach, as they say.
So please put your mind to some better reasonin’ for what’s going on at the White House of late, so we have a little something to hang our “We Love President Bush” hats on.
Thank you much – and I wasn’t foolin’ about the Sunday dinner in prison thing, just in case you was wondering if that was yet another empty promise like the ones you’re so familiar with.
Yours so very much,
Mrs. J.Q. Public
Staunch Bush Supporter – No Matter What
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