So I got into it with my conservative sister-in-law this weekend

[motocicleta]

I didn't know she really identified as a conservative, and she is currently addicted to Match.com looking for a suitably ambitious 'man'. She shared a profile of an overly obnoxious guy with my wife, and I noticed that he called himself a conservative. When everyone was discussing her proclivity for going on Match, I noted that maybe he wasn't a good choice because he called himself a con. I mean, some repubs might be fine, but frankly I am turned off by a young guy who calls himself a con. It was a light comment, but had some undertones of truth.

Next thing I know, I'm being called weak-minded for suggesting that all young people ought to be liberals, which I didn't but I don't think would be an unreasonable suggestion, and sexist for being paternalistic about her decision making ability. Never mind that she just broke off her wedding engagement with a clearly gay man, somewhat compromising her alleged decision making aability, I don't mind being called protective since I really like the company of women more than that of men, plus I was joking, as dumb and unfunny the joke may have been. But anyone who knows me would never associate me with sexism. I may be obnoxious, gassy, irritating, less than understanding with verbal flights of fancy, but sexist? I don't think that is going to stick.

I'm not entirely sure why I am sharing this, except that I am sick and tired of the constant hide-in-plain-sight, take my weaknesses as strengths and my opponents strengths as her weaknesses philosophy of today's conservatives. It's so tired that they always use those techniques instead of trying to build positive arguments about their own value. Fact is: we are better on issues of civil rights. I would argue that we are better on every last issue, but whatever you do, cons, don't freaking tell me I am a sexist. That is just weak. The bastids keep stealing our issues, and I'm sick of it.

[Debau2005]

1. I am concerned with her

"addiction" to Match.com. I am on Match.com and have had quite a good time meeting people. But to think that it is the "way" to meet the man of my dreams is far-fetched. Maybe she will, and maybe I will, but I am not going to bet the farm on it.

Unfortunately for me I have found more men that claim to be Conservatives on Match then Liberals. Which to me is odd...you would think that Conservatives would run away from internet dating!

Please stress to her the importance of being careful when meeting men on-line for the first or second time. I don't want her to get so over-involved with it that she takes unnecessary risks.

[motocicleta]

2. Unfortunately I don't think I have any credibility left with her

but I can suggest to her republican sister (not my wife, but a much more logical person than the offended one) that she should make sure the offended one isn't doing anything dangerous. It sucks to be written off for making an offhanded comment, when I can legitimately debate politics with the much more conservative sister and we still get along just fine.

It is a tad odd that so many Matchers are conservative ... I get the feeling that the offended one is conservative because she never got along with the cool liberal kids, but I don't understand why cons would excel at internet dating.

[MissWaverly]

8. I don't know why you are surprised

in today's currents, to me a conservative is someone who wants all the benefits but no
commitment, an impossibility because you can't get anything w/o giving but I think that
is currently the dream. To actually be a giver now is seen to be weak and indecisive,
thanks to Karl, and the Reagan mantra of an ownership society. Greed is valued. However,
I don't think these values insure stability or a long lasting relationship.

[motocicleta]

14. I just didn't know she called herself a con

I thought she was a W voter out of some simple-minded, 'W is a good man, and I don't feel comfortable with that wooden Al Gore guy' type of logic, not that she was a real, proud conservative. Now I know better, and I will endeavor to keep my piehole shut. Some people you just never will get to.

And I agree with the idea that valuing ambition and greed simply doesn't mesh with good relationship skills. You may be successful and have a good relationship, but if you are overly ambitious and greedy, I am not sure you can have a succesful relationship. We favor ambition and greed, and we get what we pay for.

[mrgorth]

25. I am a liberal man on Match

I live in a blue swing state and my perception is that men tend to be more conservative then women. You probably knew that. I think people of all political stripes are on match. I had to beat one "ultra-con" woman off with a stick. LOL! I was like "did you read my profile?".

[Debau2005]

26. HAHA

I have asked men that same question! I have had them come back surprised that I was a liberal, even though it is clearly stated several times in my bio. I had one guy tell me it was just a "phase" I was going through, he could help me return to the Republican fold! HA! I told him I never left the Repub fold, because I was never in the Repub fold...

But not to discriminate against Repubs, I have meet a few liberals on-line that were off their rocker, so to speak, as well....haha But it has been fun, so far.

[Inland]

3. Wow, you need some polite distance.

How exactly did you get involved in her specific dating tactics, judging her choice of fiances, evaluating a guy based on "con", or any of that? I don't know if you are being paternalistic, but you seem to have a lot of opinions. You are just an inlaw, and since your input isn't being considered constructively supportive, your only other choice is to be oblivious.

[motocicleta]

4. No kidding, I need to be oblivious, and now it is obvious

but everybody was talking about her dating search, laughing and joking, and I didn't know she called herself a con, so I made a small joke. I had NO IDEA she would take it as evidence that I was a vicious liberal.

Thanks for the advice, but I would think if you read my post you would see how I became involved in the situation. And as far as having lots of opinions, I don't think having the opinion that maybe trying to date a conservative might be a bad idea would be all that strange at DU.

[Inland]

5. Oh, the opinion isn't strange at all.

Sharing it is. And it isn't alone, obviously. I understand the concept of "everyone" laughing and joking. That's the most dangerous time. My sympathies.

[motocicleta]

7. Thanks. It sucked. And I probably will be asked to suffer for it

for the next several months, although I don't suffer the way she expects. My wife doesn't even seem to care that she is pissed. When I finally extracted myself from the kitchen, my mom-in-law, my wife, and my third sis-in-law were hiding in the next room, saying, "ohmigod, what is wrong with her?", but not confronting her because they are used to polite obliviousness. I have a hard time thinking that is the right way to go.

[Doctor_J]

6. Her match is a young male con - was he posting from Baghdad?

If not, why not?

[motocicleta]

10. No, I'm sure the war of ideas is more vital in Pennsylvania than Iraq

Unfortunately that point is really too fine for these folks. I thought she voted for W because she was too dumb and was suckered into that whole TV "W is really a good man" thing, but it turns out that she voted for him because she is really socially conservative and doesn't give a crap about how bad the war is turning out. How's that for a cul-de-sac?

[Lexingtonian]

9. They're frantic and angry these days

and you can't change that conservative tends to mean not too bright, and being not to bright tends to show up in poor judgment.

I don't remember who said it, some major writer or journalist, but he said that what hated most about the Reagan Presidency was that Reagan had made being stupid somehow respectable and acceptable.

[motocicleta]

11. You have more guts than I

but I totally agree with your assesment of the problem.

[Warpy]

12. I'm afraid my mouth gets me into trouble, too

"Well, you'll never have to worry about a conservative man going to Baghdad with the National Guard."

"I guess conservative men will never be unfaithful with other WOMEN."

"Well, there are certainly never any surprises when you date conservatives. They're always utterly predictable."

"I suppose it's often comforting knowing everything he's going to say, 5 minutes before he says it."

"Well, at least you won't have to bother keeping up with music, literature, and theater."

Yeah, I'm a bitch. The list does go on and on.

[motocicleta]

15. "Well, at least you won't have to bother keeping up with music, literature

and theater"

That about sums it up.


:rofl:

[quisp]

13. Just quote Churchill to her

"If you're not a liberal at 20, you have no heart, and if you're not a conservative at 40, you have no head."-- Winston Churchill

and then say you hope he has a Peter Pan complex and won't grow up

[motocicleta]

16. That's the funny thing

I am definitely more fiscally conservative than her; I don't want to be spending a ton of public cash on idiotic military programs that actually hurt our country. Unfortunately, she seems to spend more energy on social conservatism, which makes her an anti-Churchillian.

If he has a Peter Pan complex, that would keep him a conservative, right? Where's the good in that?

[dorktv]

17. Someone today called me a eugenist/segregationist for pointing out

what Margaret Sanger actually said and did.

He also demanded that I call intact dilation and extraction infanticide.

[motocicleta]

18. I really think some people we just cannot get to in face to face

interactions. I refuse to say they are backwash, and can never be touched, but I do suggest get they are so deeply sucked into the culture of America that they will need twenty years of reprogramming before they can understand what is actual truth. It is maybe the only way to keep my sanity in the face of the bizarre idiocy that they spew.

[dorktv]

22. The annoying thing is that the guy I have a massive crush on asked us

to be polite to this guy so he can insult me and because unlike him I am a respectful person, I refuse to tell him to go fuck himself.

[motocicleta]

23. That sucks.

There doesn't seem to be a need to tell the a-hole to fuck off, as far as I am concerned, but you probably already know that you'll have to take on the crushee about his wishes that you just get along if have any hope of getting somewhere with the crushee.

[bobbieinok]

24. took me a looong time to admit to myself that Sanger was

an eugenist

and that women finally got the vote b/c the fact that white men got worried that immigrant men from non-northern Europen countries and black men could vote but 'fine, upstanding white women of impeccable lineage could not vote'.....and that many women made a point of emphasizing this fact

[dorktv]

27. Pointing out what she actually said does not make me a supporter in anyway

of what she said.

[Jade Fox]

19. Since she claims you are sexist......

you might remind her that had it been up to Conservatives, women would never have gotten the vote, equal pay for equal work, etc.

It kills me when Conservatives take advantage of things liberals fought and died for, conveniently forgetting how they opposed those things.

[motocicleta]

20. I give up. I will not remind her of anything,

but for a status obsessed, getting skinnier by the day, super-coiffed, super-makeupped fashionista to call me sexist for joking about how a con might not be the best choice, and to wrap herself in the mantle of feminism is just too much. The lack of historical understanding of the conservative-liberal issues is mind-numbing. And this it the lesson my wife and mother-in-law hav taught me: you just better leave her alone, because she simply can't be reasoned with.

[Harper_is_Bush]

21. The initial image I had was the wrong one.

I see what you're saying. Give her the shit!

[Doremus]

28. Does anyone remember that study a few months ago...

that found that many repugs were maladjusted and anti-social as children?

I wonder if that early awkwardness translates into adult inability to connect with available members of the opposite sex via traditional routes (hence the repug crowd on match.com)? :think:

Anyway, I feel for ya with that many Rs in the family. <shudder> :)