A Page from Bush's Book ...

[NanceGreggs]

My neighbour has a great deck in his backyard, and I REALLY want it for myself. I think I derserve to have it.

So rather than sit around and hope my neighbour will just GIVE me the deck, I decided I'd get it some other way. I called the local city officials, and told them I was sure my neighbour was harbouring WMDs (weeds of mass destruction). They immediately agreed, according to our city's bylaws, to investigate the matter.

But that wasn't going to GET ME THAT DECK. So I called off the city inspectors, halfway through their investigations, and despite the fact that they assured me there were NO WMDs in my neighbour's yard, I spread the word around the neighbourhood that they WERE definitely there.

I then formed a coalition with my more easily-persuaded block dwellers, and invaded my neighbour's property. I sent my best and brightest children over there -- it doesn't seem to be going too well for them, but if they don't come back, at least I'll know they died for a 'noble cause'.

My neighbour's kids, on the other hand, have been locked in my basement for a few days and, questioned under torture, have been very forthcoming with 'intelligence' that I'm sure will be useful in the future.

I've also started listening in on my husband's and childrens' phone calls and reading their email -- I realize how important their rights of privacy are, but I'm a 'Wartime Neighbour' now, so no one should question my motives.

I realize that many people in the area ar going to suffer and die as a result of my actions, but what's more important in this world than me GETTING MY HANDS ON THAT DECK? The fact that the local yokels who write for the neighbourhood newsletter have been totally ignoring what's going on has been a real plus in all of this, and my hat's off to each and every one of them.

Yeah, I know, I know -- there have been some nasty rumours around the old 'hood about all of this, but as I've said, I'm a WARTIME NEIGHBOUR and shouldn't be held to the same standards of ethics, morality, truth-telling and humanity as everyone else. Besides, the people who are crticizing me are obviously JUST TOO COWARDLY to take a God damned deck that should rightfully belong to the more deserving among us!

This story is a total fabrication, and it's basis is totally ridiculous. So is the war in Iraq.

Only truly stupid people would have bought this story - so what does that say about people who have bought Bush's story?

Just sayin' ...