Husband won't give "permission" for chemo (TRUE story)

[BurgherHoldtheLies]

This is a true story I heard yesterday from a relative of mine who treats cancer patients.

A mid-30's married woman with very young children was diagnosed with cancer. She talked over her treatment options/prognosis with her husband. Legally (at least in Nov 2005), she does not NEED her husband's permission but, since he believes she will probably die anyway, he refuses to let her sign the papers for treatment. She is devastated at his attitude but she won't sign the consent for treatment.

Some husbands are BASTARDS!!!

Since I don't have details on the type of cancer or actual prognosis, I cannot speak to that. But, apparently the physician didn't just say "terminal...please make your final arrangements".....the physician is offering chemo.


By the way, being a woman, I find the concept of husband notification/permission repugnant.

[Gloria]

1. What, does this creep want her insurance money???????????

eom

[BurgherHoldtheLies]

6. Her family is very upset, I know that.

And maybe it's a money thing, maybe it's a mistress thing, maybe he's just an evil f*cker.

But, she is obviously in a tragic, compromised state and doesn't have the willpower to stand up for herself....hmmmm, could this be applied to any recent revelations we've learned about a certain SC nominee?!?!?!?

[philosophie_en_rose]

26. As much as I despise the insurance industry.

I wouldn't be suprised or horrified if it refused to pay on grounds of suicide.

[Waistdeep]

2. Being a man

I also find the concept of husband notification/permission repugnant.

[BlueJazz]

3. What he said....

[ieoeja]

38. Ditto n/t

[GrumpyGreg]

4. God almighty!

[FreedomAngel82]

5. Ugh!

All about control with some men. Sometimes when I hear stories like this it makes me thankful I'm single. I have no one to answer to but myself.

[Aimah]

7. She needs to wake up.

Sadly he must have her totally wrapped around his finger. She doesn't need him to "let her sign" anything.

[BurgherHoldtheLies]

8. A victim mentality

Which, honestly, I really don't understand but still find it tragic.

[Dogmudgeon]

9. This sounds like an Urban Legend™

It's inflammatory and there is no link, although that's not proof of UL status. The law is usually a better guide.

Unless the woman is legally insane, she has the absolute right to overrule her husband. The very fact that a hospital requires both spouses to sign for surgery is itself suspect. Highly suspect.

I would check this out with a fine-toothed comb, and a civil rights attorney if necessary.

--p!

[BurgherHoldtheLies]

10. No link because it's a personal story...the hospital doesn't REQUIRE

doesn't require the husband's signature but the wife won't sign because he has refused his verbal consent to her.

It is infuriating to hear a story where a woman feels so controlled by her husband that she feels she needs his permission but there are women like that and, I assure you this is no urban legend .

[Dogmudgeon]

12. Keep tabs on it, then

There is something very wrong about that happening.

Women who are controlled to that extent usually need more help than simply whacking hubby upside the head can provide. If she has family, there is the possibility that they can intervene through the courts.

There are very few cases where spousal permission is appropriate, and most of them involve jointly-held property. Permission for surgery isn't one of them, and the hospital should not even be talking about it, let alone requiring it.

I wish your friend the best of luck with this, and with her illness. But please don't let it just drop -- "Urban Legends" that leave victims as their "social proof" are the worst kind. The cops giggle. The skeptics debunk. And the bodies pile up anyway.

Good luck, again, to your friend, and to you.

--p!

[bananas]

13. So you got it third-hand

You heard it from a relative who heard it from a patient.
What did the husband really say?
Is your relative her doctor?
You used the words "a relative who treats cancer patients",
then you refer to "the physician" - so it sounds like your relative
heard it from someone else. That's fourth-hand.

Did this woman actually tell her doctor that she won't get chemo because her husband wants her to die?

Did this woman tell your relative that she won't get chemo because her husband wants her to die?

[BurgherHoldtheLies]

21. .

It is a second hand story from my close relative involved in her care. The patient is not related to me.

The hospital social worker is investigating if the husband is actually afraid of the mounting medical costs. Not that that is really an excuse but it might be the reason for the husband's attitude. His attitude is callous but it may be a defense against his fears.

[Bridget Burke]

25. Ask your relative about HIPAA

Patient information is not to be discussed lightly & not to be posted on message boards.

Most hospitals have patient advocates, social workers, chaplains & other ways to deale with ethics problems. Any concern for the lady should have been directed there, rather than to a loose-lipped relative.

[BurgherHoldtheLies]

27. Well aware of HIPAA hence there was no name, no location, no dx

no patient identifiable information shared with me or the internet.

Thanks for your concern.

[Bridget Burke]

28. Good. So your relative has spoken to people in the hospital....

About his or her concerns?

[BurgherHoldtheLies]

29. Yes. All of the caregivers/social workers involved.

They are trying to figure out if it is really a money (insurance) concern for the husband. Not that that would excuse his behavior but giving him some benefit of the doubt.

[Punkingal]

11. Someone needs to slap some sense into her...

a la Cher in Moonstruck, "Snap out of it." She has young children? That is sad.

[abluelady]

14. Could be he is "slapping sense" into her all the time.

What other reason would she not try to help herself?

[Punkingal]

15. I didn't mean that literally...

and you are probably right.

[BlueIris]

16. Yet another reason I am so glad I am never going to be married.

Antiquated instutition left over from the days when women were the property of men. Hasn't improved much in this day and age. Don't know why any woman would want to do that.

True, not being married isn't going to necessarily protect me--AND ALL OF THE REST OF YOU, (YEAH, YOU TOO, BOYS)--from having my human rights grotesquely violated if Alito is confirmed.

Call your reps, all. Then stop making the women in your lives do all the work and take so many risks with their health, and get vasectomies.

[DanCa]

17. Well Mike Nesmith supposedly let his wife die in a car crash

He refused to let her get blood treatment or something because it was against his religion.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

18. As I understand it, spousal permission is required IF the other

person is incapacitated, as in unconscious or of reduced mental capacity.

If Mike Nesmith is a Jehovah's Witness, then he may well have refused to allow his wife to have blood transfusions. I remember hearing about a case like that years ago, only it was the wife who refused permission for the husband to receive blood.

If the case that the OP cites is not an urban legend, then it's not a matter of law or medical ethics, since the woman is not mentally incapacitated, except possibly in the sense of having been brainwashed into thinking that she can't disobey her husband, not even to save her own life.

[Bridget Burke]

24. "Supposedly" ???

Please find the details.

Lots of urban legends on this thread.

[Der Blaue Engel]

19. My father forced my mother to get chemo

She didn't want it, but as an obedient Christian wife (:puke:), she did as she was told. I found her journal after her death, talking about how scared she was, how her doctor and my father ganged up on her and bullied her into agreeing to it, and how horrible the chemo made her feel. I have never forgiven my father.

[0007]

34. Chemo Therapy is hell. I know I went through it, if I hadn't I'd be

dead today. I think you're being too hard on yourself and you're father. I'm sure he loved your mother and wanted the best.

[elehhhhna]

40. can you reconcile the fact that our parent's generation

seems to have considered Doctors to be Gods, that your Father loved your Mother and wanted her to live, and believed it could work?

Forgive for your own peace of mind. You both loved her.

I wish you peace, blue.

[roguevalley]

20. this makes me look real bad. this chick has been beat down for a

long time. her husband should get the disease too. May he get one and find out his kids don't sign the papers for him, the prick.

[TheWatcher]

22. Another prick without a soul.

My message to him:

If this fate ever befalls you, since you were willing to let your wife suffer, would it not also be fair for you to slowly, painfully rot to the very end with no treatment at all?

Sick bastard.

[Humor_In_Cuneiform]

23. Being a divorced woman

I'd seriously question getting married again with this kind of stuff in the air.

[Name removed]

30. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[rniel]

31. Right up Scalito's alley

Sounds like something he'd uphold in the courts.

[badger1080]

32. What it there to uphold?

[truebrit71]

33. If she doesn't need her husbands permission..

...why doesn't she tell her husband to fuck off, and get treated?

I am sorry but why and where is it legal that a spouse gets the veto over the other spouse's medical care?

I call bullshit....

[BurgherHoldtheLies]

36. That's my point

He has NO legal right. It is the wife who feels she needs to get his approval.

BTW, it is not a BS story. It is a recent, true story.

[truebrit71]

37. Then she is the one at fault...

..If she puts obedience to her husband ahead of her own physical well-being, then she gets no sympathy from me.

BTW, do you happen to have a link?

[RazzleDazzle]

35. I guess I'd want to die too if I were married to a man like that

Don't be too upset -- she's very busy making her choice, one which will ultimately offer a pretty damned good, lifelong payback to her husband, children and parents. It's another form of suicide.

[erpowers]

39. It Is

Itis repugnant. No grown woman should have to get permission from her husband to do anything. She married a man not her father. Once a woman reaches the age of 21 she has the right to do as she pleases. Only her parents have any right to even try to tell her what to do and they do not have a right to tell her what to do.