SENATORS GRILL MIERS ON PLANS TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH FAMILY

[underpants]

http://www.borowitzreport.com/default.asp

Letter of Withdrawal Incomplete, Lawmakers Complain

Just minutes after Harriet Miers, President Bush’s nominee for the United States Supreme Court, issued a letter withdrawing her nomination for the nation’s highest court, members of the U.S. Senate blasted her withdrawal, calling her plans to spend more time with her family vague and ill-defined.

“When Harriet Miers says she wants to spend more time with her family, what family is she talking about and what activities does she intend to fill that time with?” said Sen. Charles Schumer (D-NY). “Her letter of withdrawal, in my view, has raised more questions than it has answered.”

On the other side of the aisle, Sen. Trent Lott (R-Miss.) said that he had submitted several written questions to Ms. Miers regarding her decision to spend more time with her family, but that the embattled nominee had failed to answer them.

“I asked Harriet Miers to name one hobby she intends to pursue after she withdraws her nomination,” said. Sen. Lott. “She has yet to reply.”

Meanwhile, in a sign that he is desperate to pick someone popular enough to be confirmed by the U.S. Senate, President Bush said today that he had nominated Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, star of the hit movie “Doom,” to take Ms. Miers’ place.

“The Rock has the number one movie in the country right now,” an exasperated Mr. Bush told reporters at the White House. “Come on, guys -- that should count for something.”