Yet Another Big Bush Staffing Shake-Up!

[alank]

(Anonymously leaked to me from a red news group!)

Dec. 10, 2004 - The New Republican Times

Bush Shuffles Staff: Canadian PM Changes Career, Blair Promoted, Annan Rejected

At a hastily called press conference today, U.S. President George W. Bush announced several more senior staffing changes.

Effective immediately, Canada's Prime Minister Paul Martin will be joining President Bush's administration as a Senior Personal Attendant. The position will entail duties such as administering back rubs and physiotherapeutic massage, also serving light snacks and reading bedtime stories.

Bush is quoted as saying: "The Prime Minister and I have the best of relations since my recent visit to Canada, and I look forward to him making this contribution in the best interests of multilateralism. He is very good at back-rubs, not like that Jean Poutine guy, and I look forward to Paul joining my team. Since this is a personal rather than Cabinet position, Senate need not approve this position and the Prime Minister can start to work immediately."

Paul Martin held his own press conference saying "Although my work as PM of Canada has been very, very important, I believe that I can make a much more valuable contribution to world peace and security by ensuring the President is as happy and as relaxed as possible, in order to help him make the right decisions."

The Prime Mister added: "This is a very, very important personal opportunity for me to practice my skills of physical massage on a VIP. In fact, it wasn't until recently...I guess, just after the Canadian government started its Romanian exotic dancer immigration program that I discovered my love for physiotherapy, and now here's my golden opportunity."



Martin demonstrates his back-rubbing technique to Bush during the president's recent visit to Canada. Credit: Wayne Cuddington, CanWest News Service

Effective immediately, Prime Minister Paul Martin will be succeeded by Deputy Prime Minister Anne McLennan.



Anne McLennan expressed satisfaction with her promotion to Canada's PM. Photographer: House of Commons photographer © House of Commons

Ms. McLennan welcomed the promotion as "about freeking time" and stated she plans to call a leadership review followed by a general election "if or when I get around to it".

Government Opposition Leader Conservative Stephen Harper reflected: "This is a good career move for Martin. It's a hand-on opportunity for him to firm up his friendship with Bush, and I am glad he will grasp it."

To accommodate Mr. Martin, and in recognition of exemplary past service, British Prime Minister Tony Blair, who previously held a junior personal attendant position under Bush on a part-time basis, will be promoted by Bush to Executive Image Facilitator, with primary duties of selecting and laying out the President's daily wardrobe, shining the President's shoes and occasionally holding interviews on behalf of the President for fashion magazines. Mr. Blair will be permanently moving into the Guest House at the White House from where he will attend to his new duties.



Blair accepts Bush's offer to be the President's Executive Image Consultant. Credit: Douglas Lain, Journalscape.com

Mr. Blair is quoted as saying "Whilst I shall dearly miss my beloved residence at 10 Downing Street, this is an absolutely splendiferous new opportunity for me to serve the President and indeed, the world, more effectively than in my role as just Great Britain's Prime Minister. I shall not be tendering my resignation as PM, as I believe I can execute both responsibilities quite smashingly whilst working out of the White House."

In other news, U.N General-Secretary Kofi Annan's application for a job as general kitchen staff at the White House was rejected, Annan having failed the standard background security check.

President Bush expressed his disappointment at Annan failing the grade. "Of course I'm disappointed. If there's one thing that Kofi does well, it's peel potatoes, and he has good experience in cooking food with hot oil, too."



Bush and Annan discuss Annan's application rejection for White House kitchen staff. Credit: AP Photo/Susan Walsh

Annan, reflecting thoughtfully on the matter, commented: "That would have been my dream job, but at least my stellar reputation at the U.N. remains intact."

;)

[UL_Approved]

1. OMG, this is great

I haven't seen a laugh like this in ages. This is priceless.