Tell Me How Any Candidate Can Beat Jesus Christ If He Runs...

[DemocratSinceBirth]

The fundies will be in his pocket and the rest of us will dig his economic policies...

[gavodotcom]

1. Diciples for Truth smear campaigns.

Judas writes an anti-Jesus book called "Unfit for Messiah." A bunch of Roman legionaires say that Jesus faked his crucifixion, asserting that they gave him a crown of laurels, not thorns, and that all the blood is really Heinz ketchup in the paintings.

This greatly impresses the Philistines, who say that 'moral values' require they vote against monotheism, especially when the leader of the monotheistic movement is a 'flip-flopper.' They cry with utter contempt, "Father, Son and the Holy Ghost are both one and three!?"

Meanwhile, Jesus is portrayed as being to the LEFT of Ted Kennedy. FoxNews shows footage of Jesus knocking over the money-changers' tables in the Temple, much to the absolute shock and horror of good religious folks.

In the debates, His opponent claims that you can't change water into wine or heal lepers, and that it's fiscally irresponsible to expect five loaves and two fish to feed 5,000, and that you have to cut taxes on the fish to be able to defeat heresy at home and abroad.

During election day, Jesus' opponent hires thousands of lions to ensure that there isn't any vote fraud. Later it turns out that abacuses in 11 swing states had thousands of beads already in Jesus' opponents column before election day.

After watching two Rove campaigns, I'd say it's entirely possible Jesus would lose in a landslide, and we've already got the script.

[Touchdown]

3. The Passion of the Swift Vets

Don't remember who did it, but they did a good job...EDIT: Ok, Bushspeaks.com! There ya' go!

[gavodotcom]

4. hahahahaah

That's awesome!

[Awsi Dooger]

2. Not native born

When he's born again, have to wait 35 years

[sonicx]

5. show that he's not jesus?

why would Jesus cause an increase the number of abortions and an increase in the number of people in poverty?

[JI7]

6. the right wing would want to send him to Guantanamo Bay

Senator Bunning would say he looks like "saddam's son"

[Radio-Active]

7. Jesus Christ is too liberal for the fundies

He's too anti-war, anti-poverty

[fishface]

8. I thought this was an exercise to see how Rove could

fuck him too.

[Warren DeMontague]

9. Are you kidding? That commie socialist hippie?

Man, in 5 minutes Bill O'Reilly would be screaming at him...

"Shut up. Just Shut Up. I'll turn your other cheek, Pinko... So now I'm supposed to love my enemies? Like Saddam Hussein? Are you saying the world would be better if I hugged him and sang Kumbayah? Don't you have a Grateful Dead concert to be at? Get out of my studio.. and cut your hair-- dirtbag!"

[billyskank]

10. Rove will just paint him as weak on terror. n/t

[Touchdown]

11. This is a fun thread. Kicking

:kick:

[DemocratSinceBirth]

12. I Started It In Reponse

to "How Can A Candidate Beat Hillary If She Deccided To Run".

[ydya]

13. Some more Rovian strategies against Jesus...

They'd probably criticize him for taking illegal campaign contributions/being tied into special interests (Gifts from the Magi).

They'd accuse him of bootlegging (Turning water into wine).

They'd accuse his family of being anti-environment (Father's a carpenter).

They'd accuse him of being weak on crime (Forgive them father for they know not what they do).

And finally, I cannot even bring myself to imagine how they'd smear Mary and the immaculate conception.

[marlakay]

14. Infilterate the churches

I stopped going to church many years ago even though I believe in God because of all the hypocracy and the way many of them just wanted money.

But I still have many sweet christian friends. Some voted for Kerry some not.

I used to be a fundie in my early 20's. I am 48 and haven't believed that way for over 20 years now but it gives me insight as to why they do things. When I was that involved in church, I remember elections and being told who to vote for based on our beliefs and when you are surrounded by it you get brain washed and everything on tv or anything others say you view as wrong because you trust your pastor to lead you.

That tells me that we need somehow to infilterate the churches and slowly work quietly with the pastors to see the light that people like Bush aren't really christians but religious pharasees caring only for money. We have to work from within. On the outside we will only be viewed as sinners that need to be saved. People are not going to change strong beliefs they have had all their lives, if they are told or believe voting for a dem is a sin no way will they do it no matter how it hurts the country because they are more worried about their eternal future.

My problem is I don't know if I could stand it. I hate being around phonies and there are a lot of them in church.

[SoCalDemocrat]

15. Here is how Bush can beat Jesus

[leesa]

16. Are you kidding me? The Fundies would nail him to a cross before you

could blink an eye! Jesus is a dirty liberal who would love gays and abhor their lovely little wars.