http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/004/770chlec.asp- Putting Words in the President’s Mouth
Sixteen obvious points that George W. Bush should make during the Wednesday night debate.
by P.J. O’Rourke
1) My opponent, Massachusetts senator John Kerry—or, as I like to think of him, Teddy Kennedy with a designated driver . . .
Complete and utter tripe.
- 2) There are two organizations pushing for change in November—al Qaeda and the Democratic party. And they both have the same message: “We’re going to fix you, America.” On the whole, the terrorists have a more straightforward plan for fixing things. They’re going to blow themselves up. Although, come to think of it, Howard Dean did that.
Hunh? What the heck is this? Pure rhetoric.
- 3) Senator Kerry, what do you mean my administration “lost” 1.6 million jobs? Did **** Cheney accidentally leave 1.6 million jobs in the Senate men’s room or something? Did you find them? Have you got 1.6 million jobs that you’re hiding, Senator Kerry? And if you’re elected, are you going to give them back?
1.6 million jobs have been lost in the
private sector. There has been a gain of about 800,000 jobs in the
government sector. Therefore, government has grown immensely under a so-called conservative President.
- 4) Speaking of jobs, Senator, how come every illegal immigrant who wades the Rio is able to find one in about 10 minutes? Meanwhile, your Democratic core constituency has been unemployed for years. Are your supporters lazy, Senator Kerry? Or are they stupid? Back when Clinton was president, did your supporters think they got their jobs at Burger King because Bill was sleeping with the cow?
Because those illegals are paid sub-minimum wages, at best, probably and are oftentimes paid in cash, off-the-books.
Close the borders, in my opinion.
- 5) You say health care costs are soaring? Well, I’m not the one with a personal injury lawyer on my ticket. I loved the billboards that John Edwards used to have all over North Carolina: “Y’ALL MIGHT HAVE GOT HURT AT WORK AND NOT EVEN KNOWN IT” and “FEELIN’ POORLY? LEMME SUE YER DOCTOR!”
And how much have malpractice suits affected the cost of healthcare? Less than 1%. Look to the Bush supporters in the drug industry. How do you explain Eli Lilly's immunization from lawsuits that was a rider to the Patriot Act? Hmmm?
- 6) Yeah, we’re running a deficit. Like Democrats never did that. But at least we’re borrowing the money when interest rates are low. It’s the same as refinancing your home loan. Not that you’d know, Senator Kerry, since your rich wife paid off your mortgage.
Notice those drops (showing a rise in the deficit)? Those were under Reagan and Bush, Sr. See that big rise at the end? That's under Clinton. That's a chart from the White House's Office of Management and Budget.
- 7) You say that we won the war, but we’re losing the peace because Iraq is so unstable. When Iraq was stable, it attacked Israel in the 1967 and 1973 wars. It attacked Iran. It attacked Kuwait. It gassed the Kurds. It butchered the Shiites. It fostered terrorism in the Middle East. Who wants a stable Iraq?
It attacked Israel when we were supporting the government of Iraq. Iraq gassed the Kurds after the Kurds were encouraged by the US to overthrow Saddam, without the help of the US. The Shiites were butchered in 1991 after the 1st Gulf War after the US encouraged them to rebel against Saddam but gave them no help. Iraq did not foster terrorism in the Middle East. Iraq was a secular nation and was rather stable. Now, it will most likely turn into a Shi'a controlled government, much like current Iran.
- 8) No, it turns out Saddam Hussein didn’t have weapons of mass destruction. And how crazy does that make Saddam? All he had to do was tell Hans Blix, “Look anywhere you want. Look under the bed. Look beneath the couch. Look behind the toilet tank in the third presidential palace on the left, but keep your mitts off my copies of Maxim.” And Saddam could have gone on dictatoring away until Donald Rumsfeld gets elected head of the World Council of Churches. But no . . .
So, we invaded Iraq because Saddam didn't file his paperwork??
- 9) You say I didn’t have the answers in Iraq? Well, what were the questions? Was there this bad man? Was he running a bad country? That did bad things? Did it have a lot of oil money to do bad things with? Was it going to do more bad things? If those were the questions, was the answer “more time to let international sanctions and U.N. weapons inspections do their job”? No, the answer was blow the place to bits.
Bombs and bullets and following the PNAC ideology of spreading democracy, by force if necessary, is not how to proceed in this world. We're already hated by the rest of the world for our imperialistic policies, invading Iraq just made it worse. We are NOT the world's police.
- 10) You say I didn’t have a plan for the post-war problem of Iraq? I say we blew the place to bits—what’s the problem?
Blew the place to bits? What? There are still 25 million Iraqis alive. I'd hardly call that blown to bits. We have, however, destroyed much of their infrastructure and now reconstruction is on hold because the forces there now cannot maintain security. Yeah...winning their hearts and minds.
- 11) Yes, blowing a place to bits leaves a mess behind. But it’s a mess without a military to fight aggressive wars. A mess without the facilities to develop dangerous weapons. A mess that can’t systematically kill, torture, and oppress millions of its own citizens. It’s a mess with a message—don’t mess with us!
Iraq never messed with us before!! They were NOT a threat to the US! Iraq's military was in shambles prior to this invasion last year. It was NO threat.
- 12) Saddam Hussein was reduced to the Unabomber—Ted Kaczynski—a nutcase hiding in the sticks. Sure, the terrorism by his supporters is frightening. Hence, its name, “terrorism.” Killing innocent people by surprise is not called “a thousand points of light.” But, as frightening as terrorism is, it’s the weapon of losers. The minute somebody sets off a suicide bomb, you can be sure that person doesn’t have “career prospects.” And no matter how horrendous a terrorist attack is, it’s still conducted by losers. Winners don’t need to hijack airplanes. Winners have an Air Force.
More rah-rah war-mongering. Peace through bombs and bullets. Has it worked for Israel after all these years? Have the Palestinians stopped attacking Israel?
- 13) You say you’re going to get our friends and allies to take a bigger role in Iraq. Senator Kerry, what friends and allies? You’re a sophisticated fellow. You’re well-traveled and speak French. Are there some countries out there that you know about and the rest of us have never heard of?
More troops from Britain, Italy, Spain, Australia, etc. You forgot Poland! There is now talk that France had been considering sending 15,000 troops to help out but Bush refused to compromise with the UN.
- 14) Let me tell you something, Senator Kerry. I don’t blame the U.N. for not supporting me in Iraq. The world is full of loathsome governments run by criminals, thugs, and beasts. When I mentioned “regime-change,” hairy little ears pricked up all over the earth. Beads of sweat broke out on low, sloping brows. Blood-stained, grasping hands began to tremble. I had to put poor Colin Powell on the phone to various hyenas in high office and have him explain that America itself needed regime-change from 1992 to 2000. And we didn’t bomb the fellow responsible, and we only impeached him a little. Secretary Powell had to tell Kim Jung Il, Robert Mugabe, and Jacques Chirac to quit worrying and look at Bill Clinton and realize the fate that awaits them is a lucrative lecture tour, a best-selling book, and many willing, plump young women.
More unrelated rhetoric.
- 15) Senator Kerry, you say you were in favor of threatening to use force on Saddam Hussein, but that actually using force was wrong. The technical term for this in political science is “b-llsh-t.”
No, the technical term for this is following the rule of law. Bush tossed aside diplomacy and weapons inspections (that were working) and rushed to war. Where are those WMDs that Saddam was
known to have stockpiles of??? Remember, that was the
ONLY justification given for an invasion to the Senate and to the UN.
- 16) What are you going to do, Senator, give Saddam Hussein a mulligan and let him take his tee shot over?
More baseless rhetoric.
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
