FBI: Terrorist Attack On Golden Gate Bridge May Have Been Green-Screened

[spooked911]

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/fbi_terrorist_attack_on_golden?utm_source=a-section

WASHINGTON—Analysts now believe that last month's horrific attack on San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge, which left thousands missing and assumed dead, may have actually been carried out with green-screen technology, FBI officials announced Monday.

Sources said federal authorities revisited video of the tragic events of May 16 after a field agent noticed a bright, greenish hue running along the outline of the bridge, and completely surrounding the low-flying missile that entered slowly from the right and struck the beloved national monument. Digital forensic analysts were also able to uncover a number of additional anomalies that may change the way history remembers that terrible day.

"While we must never forget the painful events of 5/16, new evidence has caused us to rethink the nature of the attack," FBI director Robert S. Mueller III said during a press conference. "Specifically the repeated loop of 1950s-era automobiles traveling on the bridge when the first missile hit, the heavy pixilation around the edges of the seventh explosion, and the several inches of green material on both sides of the frame."

"And this would certainly explain why that giant boom mic kept dropping into the shot," Mueller added.

The director also said that the use of chroma-key technology to stage an attack would support widespread claims that rescue workers responding to the bombing were unable to reach the destroyed Golden Gate Bridge because of rush-hour traffic on the Golden Gate Bridge.

Until the bureau can investigate further, the retaliatory bombings in Afghanistan, Pakistan, and Iran have been halted. In addition, the Defense Department has called off its search for the three Arab men who were last seen fleeing the scene of the attack on surfboards.
(article continues at the link)

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[balantz]

1. That's fuggin' awesome!

:rofl:

[spooked911]

2. Yeah, I thought it was good

and clearly a play on 9/11 involving video fakery. Hmm... why would they ever get that idea?

[jberryhill]

3. Because they are satirists /nt

[achtung_circus]

4. I love it...

When asked if green-screen technology could have been behind December's gazelle stampede in Detroit, the tidal wave that destroyed Boston in February, or Mount Rushmore ending up at the bottom of a fish tank, Mueller responded, "Absolutely not. Well, wait. Maybe."

It's right up there with this article which I found on a Holocaust Denier wbsite, posted as fact and the subject of remarkable discussion. Sadly I was immediately banned (again) for pointing this out and the thread was rapidly deleted.

Did Six Million Really Visit The Holocaust Museum?

Did six million people really visit the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum since it opened in April 1993? That's what the United States Holocaust Memorial Council would have you believe, and if all you've been exposed to is its Zionist propaganda, you probably do. But just how many people have actually passed through the Holocaust Museum's doors?

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33446

[spooked911]

5. not really similar though

clearly the holocaust one was mocking holocaust deniers--- whereas the greenscreen piece, was mocking who? Not conspiracy theorists, as they aren't really mentioned.

[achtung_circus]

6. They needn't be explicitly mentioned.

Who the fuck else would the Onion be satirizing?

Need it be spelled out for you or would pretty pictures be more suitable? (Appropriately altered pictures, of course)

The Stupid, it burns...

[spooked911]

9. it simply wasn't written from that viewpoint

my guess is that they were satirizing the truth (that terrorist attacks could be done with video fakery)-- much in the way they satirized the truth when they wrote the article about Bush promising to end eight years of peace and prosperity.

But of course, I'm sure you WANT to think they are making fun of silly CTists like me.

[SDuderstadt]

10. Dude...that's what they're doing...

they're spoofing you.

[jberryhill]

11. "my guess is that they were satirizing the truth"

If they believed the 9/11 attacks involved video fakery, then doing a humor report about an attack involving video fakery is not funny, and not satire.

[SDuderstadt]

7. With all due respect, Spooked...

only you and a few dedicated CT types could read this and fail to click to the fact that the Onion is spoofing conspiracy types and their goofy theories.

[LARED]

8. It is hard to believe the depths of being

that unaware.

[achtung_circus]

12. Although, it's part of a pattern, isn't it? nt