I miss my best friend

[La Lioness Priyanka]

i write about her a lot but some times the pain makes me double over. sometimes i feel like someone is reaching in and wringing by heart out

i keep a blog about here http://grievingpublicly.blogspot.com/

i know they say time heals, but they never really tell you how much time must go before it heals

[struggle4progress]

1. Ouch

[MrsBrady]

2. time only heals if you work at finding a new normal

it's hard, you will miss them, yes it sucks. but they would want you to have a good life - and so you must go on.

I once had a great loss and at one point early on I could only get up in the mornings because I knew it would honor them to try to live the best life possible.
What I really wanted to do was curl up in the corner and fade away. But it was very, very hard. eventually I was able to live my life for me again, but whatever it takes to get one up in the morning.

but I did have to learn the difference between grief and despair. and I did dispare for quite a long while before I could find a new normal.
and I also had to get help. But really - no one could do it for me anyway. I had to grieve my own way.

Don't let anyone tell you how to feel or how to grieve.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know nothing I say can make anything better, but I do wish you well.

I'll be bookmarking this so I can read through your blog when i have more time. :hug:

[GreenPartyVoter]

8. I spent the first year after my Mom died saying, "I hate the new normal!" It didn't

accomplish more than getting out my feelings, but I just felt like it needed to be said. A lot.

[MrsBrady]

10. the new normal

can really suck

the loss that nearly kicked my ass is still with me, but also made me more compassionate. Because I understood what real pain and suffering was.
It also has helped me to deal with other losses with a little more perspective, even though they don't suck any less.

I miss my grandmother so much sometimes, I can't even stand it.

What has stayed with me a lot though, something she said after her sister died: I cried and cried and cried for days and days and days. I probably could have kept crying. But it wouldn't change anything. So I decided that I just had to stop and get busy with something.

I remember that when I miss her. Because I still cry for her. But I get busy with something, because, well, she would want me to. It's weird. But she did always have good advice.

[applegrove]

3. Even when people are no longer in your life you can still have a relationship with

them that evolves over time. I'm so sorry.

[Flaxbee]

4. I'm sorry, Lioness

My dad died late last year, and just today as I was scrolling through my phone the listing "Dad" came up. Was unexpected, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I can hit 'send' but he's not going to answer. :hug: The pain will never completely go away, but it will ease, I promise. And it isn't a betrayal of her memory, either, as you heal and move on.

[struggle4progress]

5. The blog is lovingly written

[Kali]

6. your writing is so beautiful

your pain and love are so clear, I'm so sorry you are going through this

I could only hope to have a friend like you.

[GreenPartyVoter]

7. "Heals" is a relative term. When I think of my parents I don't generally suck wind like I

just got hit in the gut with a baseball bat like I used to, but there are times when the wounds do feel fresh all over again. Fortunately those times are fewer and farther between than they used to be, and more often than not I can smile when I think of them.

:hug:

[murielm99]

9. My first husband died thirty-six years ago.

There are times I think of him often. At other times, I am busy with the present and my future goals.

Many of the good things in my life are possible because of who he was. Because that is true, he will always be part of my life. I know he would be happy with that.

[fishwax]

11. I'm sorry, La Lioness Priyanka

:hug:

I was moved by your blog. I remember you posting when this was happening last year or so, and I'm sorry that you're hurting.

Langston Hughes wrote a very simple poem about the loss of a friend. When I lost my best friend several years ago, my wife printed this poem out on special paper and put it in a frame for me. It's a simple poem, as I said, but perhaps it will provide you some measure of the comfort that it provided me:

"I loved my friend
He went away from me
There's nothing more to say
The poem ends,
Soft as it began-
I loved my friend."
— Langston Hughes

[JeffersonChick]

12. Been there.

Different circumstances. Not physical death, but death of a relationship.

I didn't know why I wasn't getting over it. Why I was still crying daily after a year, even though I did everything I could think of to "get over it" (prayer, journaling, counseling, support groups, hobby, etc. I even went to a shaman).

Although I knew I would never commit suicide, I couldn't imagine life without him. I didn't want to go on living.

I thought I'd never love someone else. I'd have bet my life on it.

It took me four years. Four LONG years. But it happened.

I rarely think of him, am happy without him, and thank God that we're not together anymore.

I never thought that would be possible.

In fact, it's what helped me to quit smoking. I never thought I'd ever be able to. But then I thought, "Well, I got over H---, which I never thought I could, so I bet I CAN quit smoking!"

Hang in there.

[dawg]

13. That's inspirational to me, JeffersonChick.

It's been over a year since I found out, and I keep telling myself I should be over this by now. Just yesterday, I found an old letter I wrote her six years ago, and here come the tears again.

It's good to know that other people have hurt as badly as I'm hurting, and that they eventually made it through.

Oh, and PM me with the number for that shaman.
Just kidding! :hi:

[dawg]

14. You love her so much, she is a part of you.

She'll never be completely gone. She has changed your life; changed who you are. That will live on as long as you're around. People who meet you years from now will also be meeting a small part of your friend.

That doesn't make your loss any less painful, I know. But it makes it better for the rest of us. Because all of the good that your friend brought into this world did not leave with her. Some of it is still around because of you.

[JeffersonChick]

15. Re: "she is a part of you"

Exactly! It was as if half of me had been ripped away. Like I'd never be the same!

I could hardly believe it, but I started to grow new limbs!

There's something freeing about knowing you can make it through something like that and miraculously come out the other side. The kind of confidence it's given me to take on other "hard" things. It's kind of like emotional weight-training, LOL!

[LynneSin]

16. Personally - road trip

Come hang out with me in Delaware

:pals:

[specik39]

17. no158

thx alot

[xchrom]

18. ...

:hug:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

19. ...

:hug:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

20. The blog is a very positive step toward healing...

...and you're right. There's no set time, it's different for everyone. But you are getting your feelings out, onto the blog, instead of holding it all inside. That's more significant than it may seem right now.

I'm sorry for your pain...it is something you shouldn't have to go through, but the operative word is "through"...it won't always hurt the way it does now.