parenting issue, advice sought

[steve2470]

Hi all,

Here is the issue: My 15 year old son has a 15 year old girlfriend. His mother and I are divorced, but live 7 miles apart. His mother lives about 9 miles from his girlfriend, and I live only about 2 miles away from his GF, by bicycle it's a 20 minute ride or so for my son.

His mother is ok with him seeing his GF if he meets the usual minimal criteria of good behavior and decent grades. I'm the same way. However, seeing his GF while with his mother is more difficult due to him living with his mother during the "school week" and being with me Friday night to Sunday night. He could see her during the week (theoretically) but he cannot ride his bike to see her and she cannot ride her bike to see him. Therefore, he has to beg a ride from his mother, who usually will say "no" (his input, not my opinion).

She's a nice girl and is a good influence on my son. I have no issues with her.

Once every two months (on average), he and I attend a social function at her house, so that option is covered.

I like my "alone time" with my son, for obvious reasons. However, I'm not so authoritarian/mean or naive to think I can cut off or "overly restrict" his time with her.

For their age and our family situation, what seems to be a decent resolution of this ? I try to allow him to see her but at times it feels like I'm being asked for too much time. Thanks for your time.

[rbnyc]

1. Talk to your son...

...about how you feel. Tell him that you want him to be able to spend time with her, but that your time for just the two of you is really important to you. Work out a solution together that combines letting him ride his bike to see her by himself, inviting her to do things with the two of you, and you two spending time together, just you guys.

My son is only 6, and I'm still married and usually hope to remain married. ;-)

But my parents divorced when I was young. I lived with my dad when I was a teenager, and my mom would take my boyfriend and me to the movies sometimes.

I also was in an interesting situation once where a boyfriend and I spent a lot of time with a parent figure in his life. His father died of cancer. His father's secret mistress, in her grief, identified herself to him and they bonded and supported each other in their common loss. (His mother was kind of vicious, from my perspective.) Anyway, I had a lot of dates with either my mom or his dad's mistress as part of our group.

EDIT: typo

[Chan790]

2. I have a suggestion.

But it really depends on how well you get along with your ex-wife and both of your abilities to come to an understanding. Also, probably whether her parents would be willing to give him a ride home.

Offer to give him a (pre-planned, not spur of the moment, semi-frequent but not constant) ride as long as his mom agrees he can go and his grades and behavior stay good and her parents are home. (because you're not a taxi and because 15 is a bad age to be unsupervised for long periods of time.) You get to spend more time with him, the time in the car. He gets to see his gf more often. Your ex-wife gets to have time alone and to not have to drive him over there all that often.

Everybody is semi-happy if you can reach an arrangement.

[PassingFair]

3. In less than a year, they will both be able to drive.

I'd remind him of that often.

[Brickbat]

4. Whoops, I answered this wrong.

.