How fucked up is this situation? - Democratic Underground

rbnyc

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Wed Feb-16-11 07:41 PM
Original message

How fucked up is this situation?

Edited on Wed Feb-16-11 07:45 PM by rbnyc

My husband has an uncle who is developmentally disabled but highly functional. He owns his home, has savings, and will retire with an excellent pension. He has become romantically involved with a female neighbor. She lives with her developmentally disabled nephew. My in-laws welcomed them into the family, despite feeling “not quite right” about them. I have a young son and a young niece and have been adamant that they never be left alone with either of them, and that has been honored, although my family says I am prejudiced against them because of cultural differences, such as education and exposure to the arts, etc. I'm honestly not that much of a snob. I just don't trust them.

Recently it was discovered that the nephew is not a nephew. The woman has limited income and was in danger of losing her home. The "nephew" receives a social security check for his disability. The woman met him and invited him to live with her and asked that he pretend to be her nephew so that he would be look like a legal tenant without her having to do whatever needs to be done to take in non-related tenants. She presented him as her nephew to our family. He has always been somewhat antagonistic toward my husband's uncle and now it seems clear to me that he is jealous and was likely misled by the woman when she invited him into her home.

The woman has been in the process of divorce for many years and it will soon be finalized. She now wants to marry my husband's uncle.

I see a desperate woman with limited internal and external resources and a pattern of taking advantage of mentally handicapped men. My father-in-law suggests that we simply no longer welcome "the nephew" at family functions, and that we encourage my husband's uncle to maintain the status quo and not get married. I think we need to be more severe. My suggestion was that I contact the woman and tell her to leave my husband's uncle and our family alone or I will turn her in for having an illegal tenant and scamming him out of his social security checks. It sounds a bit TV-movie, but I am sure that she is dangerous. They are disappointed that the woman lied and they don't trust her but they think I am over-reacting.

Everyone wants my husband's uncle to be happy so they don't want to destroy the illusion that this woman has a sincere interest in him and not just the financial security he represents. He has already given her a great deal of money to help with her living expenses. But they say that we can't really know that she's not sincere just because she lied about the nephew. I think they are so naive. I think that this is the stuff that family tragedies are made of. And I don't think this woman should have any kind of contact with my son or niece, not even in a group setting. I think that when it comes to letting people into your lives and near your children, your gut feelings provide some of the most important information you have and you can't not listen to them just because you want people to be good.

I found a private investigator who specializes in helping women to protect their families and works at a reduced rate. I can't afford it, but I am trying to convince my mother-in-law to have this woman investigated.

I hope she will agree, but if she doesn't, I will need to do something.

What do you think?

Edit: typo