LADIES, a question about a worn wedding gown...

[Duppers]

LADIES, a serious question:

Would you become incensed if a stranger sneaked a peek at the upper part of your wedding dress? Did not touch it but looked at it?


No other info available at this time.


Happy Thanksgiving, btw. :)

[Duppers]

1. great!

So far, 80% of you have 'sided' w/me. I took a peek at the bodice of the already-worn wedding dress that was in the guest closet of a friend I was visiting. I confessed that I did so. Now the friend's associate is truly incensed that I dared look at her dress.

I didn't want to reveal those details because I thought in doing so that I would risk biasing the poll.

Thanks to all who voted.

-d

[tigereye]

6. why is it a big deal to her? Just privacy issues? She thinks you have a fetish

of some sort? :D Industrial espionage? :rofl:


on edit, maybe you could have just asked her to show it to you? :shrug:

[noamnety]

2. depends.

I don't care if someone looks at my old wedding dress. But I don't appreciate guests snooping through my closets - that seems rude, and I would feel like it was an invasion of privacy. (Unless you were staying in the guest room in which case checking if you can hang clothes in the closet would make total sense.)

[Duppers]

3. I was staying in the guest bedroom

The closet door was open when we went into the room. The very first thing I saw hanging in the middle of the closet w/space in front of it was the dress, hung in a bag. I LOVE wedding dresses and I unzipped the front to glimpse the bodice the of the dress. A big crime and invasion of privacy it seems, uh?!

If this friend's associate thought her worn wedding dress was so private, then why would she have left there? Now she's making a federal case out of it.

I left my dress at my mother's for year and know for a fact that people looked at it. BFD.

[orleans]

5. who is this "friend's associate" and why the hell do they care? n/t

[Duppers]

7. exactly!

I did NO damage to the dress. She had worn the dress at her wedding and, I imagine that dozens of pics were made of her in it. She is says it's a privacy matter, but I cannot figure out the big deal either. Wish I had not said a word.

[PeaceNikki]

8. Weird. Did the friend TELL the associate?

Must have, huh? And if so, was it disclosed in a manner that made it feel like an invasion?

[Duppers]

11. yep!

Even if it had been my dress, I would not have cared. Seriously. I suppose because I would understand other gals' keen interest in wedding dresses.

I was not snooping in drawers nor was I viewing sexy underwear or sex toys or bank statements, etc. Nothing embarrassing or truly private like that.

The closet was open and the pretty garment bag was hanging there with a full bottom. I knew it was a wedding dress. I love to imagine a daughter-in-law wedding, so I look at all the dresses I can, even online. Nutty of me perhaps, uh?

[PeaceNikki]

13. Not at all, but I can't help but this your friend is the one who thinks it's weird

and told her associate that what you did was weird. Maybe the owner doesn't think it as much as your host(ess)? :shrug:

[Duppers]

14. I see your point

I think they're both truly making a mt. out of a mole hill. Paranoia reigns.

[kwassa]

24. Unzipping the bag is invading someone else's privacy.

It isn't your bag, don't open it. To do so without asking permission is rude. Your personal obsession with wedding dresses does not excuse you.

[marzipanni]

4. LOL- I pictured a man, not known by the wearer, caught leering at "the upper part of wedding dress"

while it is being worn.

What happened with you, your friend, and her associate's dress- pffft... didn't your friend think the associate's reaction was odd?

[Duppers]

9. Ha!

Nope, I'm a female who just loves weddings and wedding dresses. (I've been married FOREVER, so my interest is not for me personally.)

My "friend" is angry w/me and seemingly has 'sided' with the gal making the fuss of someone else viewing the bodice of her dress. That's why I posted this poll: to find out how others would react to this. She did not say one word about the person's over-reaction, perhaps because she's an overly private person herself. I now think they're both nuts.

Thanks for your feedback. :)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. My dear Duppers...

I've read your thread, and I think that the person's reaction was very much OTT. What the hell? Looking at her old wedding dress is invasive?

I'd say she was being hypersensitive.

Just my two cents!

Next time, don't say anything, or say something while the other person is there with you...

:hi:

[Duppers]

12. Thank you, Peggy.

I've learned by lesson. My values are not the values of others and my lips will not speak of my curiosity again. :)

[JanMichael]

15. There was something else in the bag besides the dress

Hanging bags are a great place to hide stuff you don't want others to see-

I doubt the actual dress had a thing to do with her reaction.

[Duppers]

16. I never thought of that!

She also asked if I had "touched" the dress, as if my touching would have damaged it in some way.

I should have told them that not only had I touched it I tried it on and spilt a seam a little and that the chocolate from my fingers would come out nicely once it was cleaned. Ha! I should have. Only some thing like that could justify the way they're acting.....Unless, of course, she was HIDING some thing else in the bag. Could be.

[Gormy Cuss]

17. Sorry, but opening the bag was rude.

Hosts generally assume that adults have enough self control to ask before doing something like that. If there were file boxes in the closet, would you open them up and read the contents? If there were a computer without password protection in the guest room, would you fire it up and look around the hard disk? All three activities are just differing degrees of snooping.

What you described is minor snooping but for whatever reason it represents something more to your friend or she wouldn't have reacted so strongly. The friend may feel that she can't trust you now. Was it worth it?

[Duppers]

20. I don't share your metric here

Of course I would NOT open file boxes, letters, peek at a ck-book, etc. Nor would I open any one's computer. The dress was worn in PUBLIC, photographed, etc. I did not consider it a privacy matter.
There were drawers in that room; it did not even occurr to me to open them.

What can I say? --I LOVE wedding dresses! Spent 30 mins. viewing them on CraigsList last night.

So, you disapprove of me. Ha! Put me on ignore then.

[Gormy Cuss]

27. I don't recall stating that I disapprove of you, but feel free to put me on ignore.

Besides, what I think of you is irrelevant. You're the one with the friend who apparently doesn't share your opinion on what constitutes a privacy issue.

[seaglass]

23. Yep, very nosy. I would never do something like that. It clearly wasn't about just looking

at the dress because that isn't what happened. It was opening up and prying into someone else's belongings without asking if it was OK.

[caitxrawks]

18. eeerrrr...lolwut?

I don't understand why that would bother someone.

[Duppers]

21. thanks. me either. nt.

:)

[Withywindle]

19. Wait, so she's already gotten married in it?

So hundreds of people have seen it or the pictures of her in it?


So this is some weird ritualistic thing where hiding it from prying eyes is supposed to protect...her privacy? The marriage? Does she not want to let the air from her wedding day out?


I don't get it. It makes no sense to me. I've been a Wiccan for 20 years and this is too much magical thinking for me. :shrug: Granted I'm single, but still...IDGAF if a friend looks at the dresses in my closet. It's a dress in a closet, not dirty underwear or something.

[Duppers]

22. EXACTLY!!

That's what I've been saying.

[Withywindle]

25. At first, from your subject header...

I thought maybe she was self-conscious because it was second-hand, and/or maybe superstitious because it was BEFORE the wedding.

Then I read more carefully and was like WTF?

[Kali]

26. I can see that unzipping might be a problem, and certainly touching fabric

can be a big problem - why museums have things behind glass and handlers of old/rare textiles wear gloves, but bottom line if you don't want people snooping in your stuff, don't leave it where they can!

open door and hanging in plain sight is an invitation to peek

if it was tucked to one side or the opening was not accessible you really snooped, but from your description I would call it succumbing to an irresistible temptation

apologize and forget about it - ask next time or don't tell anybody

[suninvited]

28. that would be the same as a guest saying to me

after using my bathroom "I noticed you have vagisil in your medicine cabinet, how did that work for you" ?

I trust people wont go in or touch my stuff !! Closet doors, accidentally left open or not, are there for a reason. They are a clear boundary marker.

You dont go snooping in other peoples stuff. It is just bad manners!!!! At least, tell them beforehand that you notice they have a wedding dress in their closet and ask permission to look.

And, when you ask for opinions, you will get some that disagree. If you dont want opposing views dont ask for opinions, just put : Post here if you agree with me.

[RandomThoughts]

29. Had a long post, but don't need to post it.

Although I don't think you can say that posting becomes agreement or disagreement.

Nor is power the same as right, and if someone wants respect of what they say is theirs, they better be able to show they deserve it, and teach why.




This is not about your post sun invited.

What did you teach when you took my beer and travel money without argument? Or what did you teach when you thought you should, without explaining, tell me to be mean to someone?

And the beer and travel money was never the point.

It might be Rules Applied Back.
Peter Gabriel - Solsbury Hill
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fF8wU4Nl9Y


Here is the thing, my comment in that instance was correct, yet it was what led to hardship, therefore regardless of what I have gained from that instance years ago, that gain does not belong to those that did wrong with the smear or taking of beer and travel money, but to those that helped me not back down to what was wrong. So those that took the beer and travel money do not get the credit, but those that carried me though those hard times do, and those that taught me through my entire life, concepts of right and wrong within my understanding deserve the credit.


Side note, and of coarse I got alot more to learn, and make many mistakes, but it isn't about me.


Although to be fair, I don't blame the beer and travel money takers either. I figure, I have things to learn, and so do they, and they just made a mistake, like I have made mistakes, so I do not hold any ill will to them, and wish them the best with much love. And within their perceptions or thoughts, maybe they were trying to help, also thinking it was not about me.

:loveya:
:hug:

If the beer and travel money had been taken with some just approach, I could have just got some other way to get it, or accepted it, but it set up me having to accept lack of justice and that is the point, there is no reason to accept lack of justice. Things should be just and compassionate.

[noamnety]

33. That comment hit home for me.

I had a guest staying with me and I remembered her commenting once before about what she found in a relative's medicine cabinet when she stayed with them. That made me feel really paranoid about letting her stay with me.

I moved anything at all personal out of the common bathroom ... but I still found out later that she'd looked in the cabinet and shared with another person (people?!) what she found in it. It was nothing overly embarrassing but it still became the topic of conversation among third parties which weirds me out - like they don't respect boundaries and I have no control over what I'd like to consider private.

The worst part is that knowing she was snooping there, I will never know what else she decided to snoop around and find when I was at work. That's the thing - there's the finding out that you snooped in a specific spot and what you saw, but it will leave the other person paranoid about what else you snooped in and didn't admit to. It's unsettling and does feel like an invasion of privacy with no closure. That may be why the woman freaked about it - not because of the wedding dress itself, but because now she has no level of comfort that her privacy in any other area was respected. It's a step away from catching a peeping tom when you are fully clothed (no big deal?) - and then having to obsess over whether they were watching you at any other times and what they did or didn't see.

[madmom]

30. I had a friend start thumbing through my bills. I have one of those

circular wire thingies on my desk that holds letters, I put my monthly bills there with the date they are due on the front of the envelope, on my desk, at my home. A friend thought it perfectly permissible for her to thumb through them and ask me if I thought the rates were to high for.... needless to say I was a bit shocked and told her so. But for a dress that was already worn in public, I vote no she is being over sensitive, most brides love to show off their dresses.

[alphafemale]

31. It's really for her to decide what levels of privacy she wants. Not you.

And to be honest anything that involved "de-zipping" to take a peek should have been something that should have involved a "please may I?" first.

[skygazer]

32. To be fair, your poll doesn't accurately sum up the situation

Frankly, I don't know why anyone would become incensed about the whole thing but I do think it's rude to open garment bags in someone else's closet. Snooping is rude whether it harms anyone else or not.

I'd be apt to chalk it up to one of those "oh, well" things, toss out an apology and forget about it.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

34. this is exactly how i feel.

[Rabrrrrrr]

35. You mean looked at the dress that covers your boobs? Or the veil? Why should it matter?

I don't understand this question at all.

[Tikki]

36. That was one of those teeny, weeny, tiny mistakes (we all make)...

...Tell her you'll make a really big mistake on her soon so she can weigh the difference.
:sarcasm:
I'm thinking there was someone else's name written in permanent marker
somewhere inside the dress.


Tikki
p.s. there is nothing wrong with recycling a beautiful dress of any kind...