animals and me (not a happy thing)

[Bertha Venation]

hummers and ants and elephants

I can't stand to see or even think about an animal's suffering. But sometimes memories and "what ifs" come unbidden, and I break down.

I hit a cat with my car when I was eighteen. I killed two fish. I killed a goose a few weeks ago. A deer hit my car last winter; I've no idea what became of it, or if it was even hurt.

I think the worst, besides memories of the cat, was seeing a raccoon in traffic that had apparently just been hit. It was flailing.

At the moment, I am detached and calm. These things are not upsetting me much.

But I frequently lose my composure and cry desperately.

Got any cures?

[Haole Girl]

1. I'll just send you a hug

(edited post, for stupidity, on my part)

:hug:

[Bertha Venation]

3. hmm

How often? Probably two, three, four times a month. It's largely uncontrollable.

I've had some insight from my therapist of many years ago. She suggested that as a child, I was suffering and did not understand why the things that were happening to me happened. Neither do animals understand. All they know is that they are in pain and they don't understand.

[Haole Girl]

4. Whoops, sorry. I edited my post already...

Thought maybe I offended you. I think your therapist hit on something there. :hug:

[Bertha Venation]

6. No, no offense taken at all.

:hug:

[Kang Colby]

2. Great work.

This is one of the most emotionally captivating poems I've ever read. It makes you think.

[In_The_Wind]

5. Sorry Bertha

There are no cures for the 'I feel something because an animal is suffering' blues.

:hug::loveya:

Joani

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

7. I hear ya...

Seeing a dead animal at the side of the road tends to make me cry, too. Any kind of animal.

[Curmudgeoness]

8. Why would you want cured from caring? Having feelings?

I think this is a great trait, not one to try to get rid of. I feel sorry for the people who cannot feel or care, and don't understand why you would cry at the memories.

O8)

[applegrove]

9. Cry good and long and hard to try and reach a new acceptance of how

random and horrifying death can be. I know what it is like to see a cat flailing. I was afraid of cars for years after that. But really, I think it is death at the heart of the matter.

[Flaxbee]

10. oh dear, sweet Bertha, the same damn thing happens to me too,

and I really don't know how to handle it.

I hate to see animals hit and dead by the side of the road. I am terrified of hitting something and not killing it with the one blow and having it suffer, and / or not having the tools to put the animal out of its suffering.

I guess I should amend: I hate to hurt anything, but I honestly prefer it if - through a driving accident hitting an animal - death is immediate. I cannot bear the thought of any creature suffering or feeling fear and pain, whether because it was hit by a car, or some jackass hunter thinks shooting an animal is a cool thing to do, or because of any other reason that I don't care to name because I don't want to think about it.

I have seen some horrible pictures, read some horrible things (not on purpose - once I clicked on the wrong link at Huffington Post, and once I read a subject line in an email from an environmental group ... I try to shield myself from those things) and it causes me great pain.

It has gotten to the point where I can't eat meat anymore, either, because I know too much about the meat industry. I don't want to eat suffering and misery.

Sometimes I can isolate the pain, even for long stretches of time. But sometimes I can't, and for some reason, these last few weeks have been really tough.

I don't know any cures. I do know that I am glad there are people out there willing to fight against animal abuse, because I couldn't handle being in that profession.

I also know that while I don't subscribe to any religion or believe in a single deity, I know that I'd love to be able to believe in reincarnation for all souls - human and other animals.

:hug: Misery loves company and it gives me some comfort that someone else thinks the way I do. That's not a cure, and I wouldn't wish my sorrow on anyone else, but ... you know what I'm getting at, I think.

[kimi]

11. I got upset once at a boyfriend who wasn't worth it

went out driving and hit a cat who was running across the road. It was late, dark, and I killed the poor thing.

it devastated me. To this day it's hard to think about.

I went back and picked the cat up - this is late at night, mind - and took it to the shelter and turned it in.

It haunted me then, haunts me now. I think, that because of my stupid emotions over a stupid guy, I went out and killed an animal, who might have been important, special, to some kid, some family.

I have never ever driven after an emotional event since. That was over 25 years ago. I will never take that risk again. It hurts me to think of it now, and I still remember what that cat looked like, a ginger tom, and it breaks my heart that my emotions caused him to die.

:cry:

I get ya. Memories and "what if's".

They can keep you up at night. Peace, hon. And hugs.