Post here and I will assign you your new DU name.

[Ikonoklast]

All decisions made are abritrary and final, and there are no 'do-overs' once you are assigned your new name.


Sorry, but them's the rules.

[rug]

1. What kind of iconclast follows rules?

[Ikonoklast]

5. You are hereby to be known as "carpet".

And my rules are that there are no rules, except for followers.

[pintobean]

2. Can I have Flounder?

[Ikonoklast]

6. Only for dinner.

From this moment on, you shall be known as "Captain Havoc".


Be careful with your new-found powers.

[pintobean]

38. Um.....It's been over an hour

and I haven't received my dinner yet. Are you sure you dialed the correct number and provided the required credit card info? I'm really hungry and that flounder sure sounds good.

[Ikonoklast]

46. So sorry, Captain, but we don't deliver.

My advice to you is to buy a pole and go fishing, or use your superhuman powers and go to the grocery store and buy some flounder if you want it so bad.


I guess it takes extraordinary strength to pry that wallet open, huh?

[pintobean]

65. extraordinary strength

and a truckload of tools.

[pintobean]

155. It's a shame.

This had the potential to be one of the best lounge threads in a very long time. Then it was hijacked.

[Boojatta]

156. You have been floundering, and I am here to help.

Your new name is: "The Halibut"

From now on, people will be doing things just for you. It's well-known that people often do things "just for The Halibut."

[pintobean]

157. Sounds like a 'Wet Dream'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6l1GvDWtccI

[RandomThoughts]

3. I like my name, it can be seen many ways.

And no you can not change my name.



Although in some analogies, a person would not know if another name was changed, if each name is a label indexed in a separate table, and not used in any tables, only used as an index.

Then changing a name would change all uses of that name through history, and nobody would know it inside of that space time.

However that is just a metaphor and not what I believe.


And names could be changed until a point where a correlation to a name and something else was stored in an experience, since at that time a name change could be seen as changed.


So if a name was Waldo, and you thought of that as West Al do. Then that name could not be changed because it gets linked outside of just an indexed object. Instead it is also linked to a concept.

But that can create issues with craziness.

I liked this one
DH
RE

Derek Halfhand Robert Eastwood Doctor He. I found that a good numanic way to remember name.


Part of a short story, not what I believe.

[Ikonoklast]

7. All your pontificating on this matter is for naught.

Henceforth, you shall only answer to "Bob".



There is a huge story behind that, but another time for telling.

[RandomThoughts]

11. Actually I do go by Bob some times.

Which is Band of Brothers.
And with initials.

BH
BE


But more importantly, you will notice that the story of Derek Halfand, has a Berek Halfhand in those books, for that exact reason for when someone wanted to move Robert to Bob, so the consistency matches.


Underwater BB stacking. Heard that one before?

Or you could add middle intial.

RME



But those are all stories and not really relevant, except maybe to people that think labels are all that matter. And I agree this post, really is not relevant, and is not pontificating.

[RandomThoughts]

13. As far as my comments being for naught.

There could be many stories about that, the simplest would be to say that my comments do not reach anyone, but that assumes that has to happen for them to have an effect.

If I think it then it is not for naught. So my posts have reason and do matter, although I agree this is not pontificating.

And also, I never fell into the trap of thinking I do anything.

[Ikonoklast]

15. Bob, you gave a reasoned and well written response.

Now shut up.

[RandomThoughts]

16. Why shut up?

And you actually did not make a reasoned comment.

First you say my comments have no effect, or matter naught, then you ask for them to stop?

Isn't that contradictory? Make up your mind.

[Ikonoklast]

19. Bob, I don't have time for this.

And if you can't handle a little arbitrary randomness in this plane of existence, maybe it's time for you to cross the dimensional boundary and find a place where order reigns supreme.


Otherwise, get used to it.

Life is all an event ruled by the lack of any rules.

[RandomThoughts]

41. Another anarchist.

LOL, you really believe there are no rules?

Obviously there are some rules.

Getting use to something is accepting it.


But I will say this, if whatever existence is, weather it has or has not rules stays unacceptable, then it is better for existence to not exist, however I would still exist, since I don't think in ways of self non existence.

So as I have said before, weather there are rules or not, anything not acceptable is the same as anything else not acceptable.

And your last statement is a rule, so it has no effect and therefore, where you do not choose to define rules I do, and you can't say I can not make rules, because that would be a rule, and you don't have any rules accept the ones I define for you, since I do believe in rules.


And I have plenty of time.

And if you think me defining rules for you is wrong by interfering with you, you forget that your belief in no rules created my issues, and you never corrected them, so you interfered in my existence with your no rules, giving me the ability to set rules to you.

Get used to it.

[Ikonoklast]

49. Your use of circular logic has ensnared you.

Sorry, Bob, I exist outside of time, so the concept is meaningless to my journey.

[RandomThoughts]

50. heh, so be it, you are no longer in time.

You have one point to exist in.

Your travels just ended. I will stop by and look in on you occasionally.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

4. Questionable Info reporting.

[Ikonoklast]

8. Hmmm. This is a toughie.

Ah.






Yes.







Seems to fit quite nicely.









"Toenail".



That's it.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

227. I have to tell you

One of my best friends at work nickname is Toenail. Her real name is T'Nell, so you see how it can happen.

so, I am proud to have that name in honor of her.

[Boojatta]

228. Wouldn't you be just as proud to have the name "DUesday Night"?

[Tuesday Afternoon]

230. would I have to pay the dues?

:D

:hi:

[Boojatta]

9. Iconobliterator, do you believe that turnabout is fair play?

[Ikonoklast]

10. You have no power over me.

Foolish children messing about with things they cannot comprehend...you think just anyone can do this?





DU shall now know you as "Monsoon".

[Curmudgeoness]

12. Toenail? You renamed someone toenail? nt

[Ikonoklast]

14. And this affects you, personally, in what way, exactly?

Your new name, "Minty Fresh", seems to be rather fitting.

[Curmudgeoness]

18. "Minty Fresh" here to say it does not affect me personally,

unless I have to look at all Tuesday Afternoon posts and think "toenail" is writing them. I'm a little disgusted with the image. But you are right (of course), TA is the only one who should care.

[Ikonoklast]

23. What, you don't have any toenails?

Toenails disgust you?



They're part of our evolution as a species, part of human anatomy, part of the Creator of All's plan for the Universe, and that bothers you?



I'd give my right arm to be graced with the name "Toenail", but, alas, it was destined for another.

[Curmudgeoness]

25. LOL, you obviously have not seen my toenails. Cruddy.

And as to the evolution/Creator of All plan---which is it? I am unimpressed by toenails, even alligators have toenails---so there really isn't much unique about them.

[Ikonoklast]

28. I'm not getting into any religious arguments with anyone here.

Especially someone named Minty Fresh.




















I mean, c'mon.

[Boojatta]

34. Deleted by Boojatta

(I got a weird error message when I clicked on "Reply", so I assumed that my message wouldn't display.)

[Ikonoklast]

39. Monsoon, you can lobby all you want, but you're wasting your time.

CinnamonFudgeness has already been assigned.











Talk to Skinner about it, and that's all I'm gonna say about that, mmmk?

[Boojatta]

37. "C'mon" is an abbreviation for "Cinnamon"...

... which is itself an abbreviation for "CinnamonFudgeness."

[Boojatta]

20. I think that "CinnamonFudgeness" is a better choice than "Minty Fresh"

[Curmudgeoness]

22. Ummm. Sounds delicious. Think I'll go raid the frig. nt

[Ikonoklast]

26. Look, no one really cares what you think is a "better choice".

There's no "choosing" going on here.



These things are researched by theoretical nomenclature specialists for decades...some of these highly educated and specially trained volunteers spend an entire career on just *one* name change, before it is brought before me for review and a final decision.




Sometimes I reject their recommendation just for the hell of it.











That's a lie, actually, you should see their faces when I tell them that twenty-five years of their life's work is dismissed out of hand.


Cracks me up every time.

[Nevilledog]

215. Christopher Moore fan, eh? n/t

[Boojatta]

258. Your new name is Doctor Happy.

I hope that it doesn't make you unhappy.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

17. Questionable Info has reason to suspect the toenail pseudonym.

not to worry.

[Boojatta]

21. "DUesday Night" is shorter and customized for DU. What more could you desire?

[Tuesday Afternoon]

71. I desire only that which sustains me.

:hi:

[Ikonoklast]

32. Who the hell is "Questionable Info"?

Is someone giving you any crap, Toenail?



I'll send a few guys over to 'discuss' things with them for you.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

70. thanks, I got it handled.

signed

Toenail.

[one_voice]

24. Ok cool...

what's my new name?

I'm so excited, it's like Christmas morning. :-)

[Boojatta]

30. How about Unikwire? It's more phonetic than "Uni-Choir."

[one_voice]

43. ok..

that's pretty uni-q. Thanks.

[Ikonoklast]

35. From this moment, you are now to be addressed as...

...damn, you are so lucky, I really envy you. This doesn't happen very often, please cherish the moment...







"Hot Pockets".


Some people have all the luck.

[Boojatta]

44. Are you thinking of edible pockets or clothing pockets?

Maybe we can avoid the confusion and just go with the name "Edible Clothing" instead of "Hot Pockets."

[Ikonoklast]

51. There is no questioning the process.

The name stands on its own, the interpertation of said name is left for lesser beings to discuss.













Yes, I'm looking at you, Monsoon.

[one_voice]

45. LOL..

very good. I love it! Thanks.

[Moondog]

27. I'll play.

It is prudent to change one's nom de guerre from time to time.

[Boojatta]

33. For you, I recommend "Sun God."

[Moondog]

36. It has an undeniable

panache. With just a hint of arrogance. On the whole, I like it.

:fistbump:

[Ikonoklast]

42. Oh, this one was easy.

Seems to be rather fitting, if I don't say so myself.



It's "Elvis On Velvet".











Look, shit happens, and I can't really control or explain how these things are done, you'd never completely understand.

[Moondog]

48. Heh

:rofl:

Hell, why not "Dogs Playing Poker"?




I like "Sun God" better.



And since I AM a deity now, well, you're fired dude.


Giving your job to the other guy .....




}(

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

29. Arbitrary and final? That's it! You're on ignore list.

:hi:

[Boojatta]

40. How about Mass Transit Clown?

[Ikonoklast]

57. And all shall now know you as "Hairball".

I'll show you "arbitrary", and raise you a "capricious".




Go ahead and whine, won't do you any good, we're miles away from anywhere someone will hear you.

[Call Me Wesley]

31. Okay,

and just don't call me Shirley ...

[Boojatta]

56. Your new name is "Impertiterpretation."

Henceforth you are entitled to your own impertinent interpretations of what other people write.

[Call Me Wesley]

68. My interpretations of what other people write

are not impertinent. They may be officious and saucy, but not impertinent. ;)

[Boojatta]

76. Officious? Saucy?

Obviously your new name should be...

"Leave It To Butt-head"

[Ikonoklast]

58. Hmm. This one is something of a poser.

Nah, I'm just messing with you, it is "Poser".

[Call Me Wesley]

67. Oh please!

Poser really sucks:



;)

[Ikonoklast]

75. Umm, you wish you were as lame.

More like:

[Call Me Wesley]

85. Yay! Emo spongebob!

I'm going to cut my kitchen sponge right now! Take that! :rofl:

[Curmudgeoness]

47. Hey, Iko, your power is being usurped. You start it,

it had better keep up with it.

[Moondog]

52. ~

http://il.youtube.com/watch?v=Ylwi1uLerVY&feature=related

[Curmudgeoness]

53. LOL, I enjoy that. Think I'm gonna dance. nt

[Ikonoklast]

63. What, you think this is easy, do you?

Like I just pull all this out of thin air? Just making it all up as I go along?


Things like this just don't happen by themselves, you know.

Oh, I suppose if I didn't know any better, looking in from the outside it all seems so effortless, so easy, so...natural.


Lemme tell you, Minty Fresh, appearances are deceiving, it takes an enormous amount of skill to get this right and make it look, well to a civilian, anyway, very simple to do.

[Curmudgeoness]

64. Hey honey, you are like a god. Don't let "monsoon" take over,

or you will be as mortal as the rest of us.

Oh, I get it, you are. (Flashback to the Wizard of Oz here.)

[KamaAina]

54. Abritrary decisions are my favorite kind.

I suspect I might end up with "Spelling Nazi"...

[Boojatta]

59. Your new name is CommaComa. Enjoy.

[Ikonoklast]

60. Every decision ever made since before all existence came into being is arbitrary.

Which kind of explains your new name, "Locomotive".




Can't get any more arbitrary than that.

[redwitch]

55. I always get do overs.

nyah, nyah!

[Ikonoklast]

61. You get NOTHING!!

I will tell you what you get, if you get it, when you get it, and just what *it* is, or even if there is any left to be had!







Sorry. I lose it once in a while.





"Cupcake".

That one stings, I bet.

[redwitch]

69. I sort of love it actually.

But I may still put a spell on you.

[Ikonoklast]

78. Oooohh, look, I'm shaking.

Like I'm afraid of someone named 'Cupcake'.

[Bertha Venation]

120. You STOLE Fizzy Lifting Drinks!

In case you can't see it, that's supposed to be a picture of Gene Wilder, the original and best Willy Wonka.

[Boojatta]

62. Your new name is...

... "Yahweh Sucks."

[redwitch]

72. You are definitely getting a hex.

Or, we could compromise and my new name could be YahwehSucksCupcakes.

[Boojatta]

73. How about Hexadecimalfeasance?

Why chew on cupcakes when you can have a name with real byte?

[redwitch]

74. I would never remember how to spell it, it's harder than Rabrrrrr.

or is that Rabrrrrrrr? See what I mean?

[Boojatta]

77. How about CauldronCake?

If that's too difficult to spell, then it was never appropriate for you to use the alias "redwitch."

[redwitch]

80. Cauldroncake is not hard to spell.

But Cupcake is more delicious sounding. Cauldroncake sounds overcooked.

[Boojatta]

66. Who wants to be named "Octavian Something"?

[dogday]

79. Ok lay it on me.

it is time for a new persona.

[Ikonoklast]

82. Lo, thy wish is granted.

Henceforth thou shall be known as "Smudgepot".



Ask and you shall receive.

[dogday]

101. More like Smokespot

but it works for me....

[Boojatta]

83. How about "Regis and Bruce Lee"?

[dogday]

102. Kinda of a good cop/bad cop?

I like it....

[name not needed]

81. I want my name to be Spaghetti

[Boojatta]

84. Your new name is "Spumoni."

It's Italian and it starts with "Sp." It's the closest thing that we have in stock. I could order something that isn't in stock, but you would have to wait for at least ten weeks.

[Boojatta]

98. If you don't like "Spumoni", I think that we may be able to get "Spy Goatee" for you.

[quakerboy]

86. Sup?

[Boojatta]

88. Your new name is "EarthyQuaker."

[quakerboy]

92. Waitaminit here

Bait and switch much? I was promised an Ikonoklast rename. Whatchu tryin ta pull on me here?

[Boojatta]

94. Start complaining and soon you'll be known as...

"Earthy Quakey Thingy" and it will be your permanent name.

[quakerboy]

113. and I quote...

"All decisions made are arbitrary and final, and there are no 'do-overs' once you are assigned your new name."

Therefore, if you are a legitimate stand in for Ikonoklast, then you are bound by the same rules, and you do not get do overs either. Or, if you are not a legitimate stand in for the aforementioned, I am not bound by your naming or renaming. Take your pick, either way, my question stands.

[Boojatta]

114. The name "EarthyQuaker" was posted, but not yet assigned.

I could get into a lot of technical detail on the distinction between posting and assigning, but I have decided to keep it simple for you.

[Boojatta]

115. I am bound by rules, and Ikonoklast is bound with duck tape.

I was forced to make a netizen's arrest.

[quakerboy]

119. You leave me no other choice

I hereby rename you "the DU'r formerly known as Platypus". And that is a formal assignation. Wear it proudly.

[kayakjohnny]

87. I am ready.

Hit me.

[Boojatta]

91. Your new name is ... "BlackJack21."

(You did say "hit me", didn't you?)

[kayakjohnny]

95. Yes, and I can live with that.

But how did you take over the work of Ikonoklast?

Are you one and the same?

Are you partners at the same pc?

Did you take over the thread?

Are you sick of my questions?

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen european swallow?

[Boojatta]

97. Speed is a scalar, and velocity is a vector.

Yes, I am sick of your questions.

[Bluzmann57]

89. Fat, bald, old, and poor

What the hell do I need a new name for? No, what I need is thinness, hair, youth, and money. Of course if I had those things, I could do what I wanted when I wanted. Oh yeah, one more thing I need; a cold beer.

[Boojatta]

90. If wishes were stairmasters, beggars would work out.

Your new name is: Furball.

[Jeffersons Ghost]

93. I've got the best name at DU since the USA PATRIOT act

[Iggo]

96. What the...?

[Boojatta]

99. Your new name is ... "Pwn"

Say goodbye to that long-winded, four-letter name you've been hauling around. In future, you shall travel light.

[Iggo]

123. .

:thumbsup:

[Still Blue in PDX]

100. Am I too late to get in on this?

I need a diversion from my humdrum existence.

[Boojatta]

104. Your new name is "Unregistered_Fish"

Link

[Still Blue in PDX]

129. Nice! I don't need no steenking registration. :)

[bananas]

103. Yip! Yip! Yip!

[Boojatta]

105. Your new name is...

Obamamas

[Skittles]

106. I WILL KICK Ikonoklast ASS

YES INDEED

[Boojatta]

109. Your new name is ...

Podbellum

(... which means "foot war", just as "gastropod" means "stomach foot")

[pokerfan]

107. Oooooh, do me!

[Boojatta]

110. Your new name is ...

Googol Card Stud

[pokerfan]

112. LOL

I will use that if I ever make it to a featured table on ESPN...

[rucky]

108. I have finally decided to shed my youthful ruckyness.

Sock it to me

[Boojatta]

111. Your new name will be ...

Deliberately_Clean

... but first I need to wash the sock that I will be using to sock it to you.

[Bertha Venation]

116. I dare you to top "bertha venation."

Don't just give me a new name. Give me something better than the one I have. I dare you! ;)

[Boojatta]

126. That will require extra time.

How do you feel about "Varicose Venation"?

[Bertha Venation]

138. Quit looking at my legs!

I swear, you could get to Fresno by studying my legs...

[flying rabbit]

117. I sense something in you that I have

not felt since... ah nevermind. Reassign me oh keyboard guru.

[Boojatta]

122. Initial indications favor "Kitty Hasenhawk", but more analysis is required.

[flying rabbit]

139. Very astute

yet effervescent!

[babylonsister]

118. So Boojatta, what new name would you assign yourself?

Inquiring minds...

[applegrove]

121. Pick me... Applegrove.

[Boojatta]

124. Henceforth, you shall be known as "Loch Ness Orchard"

[applegrove]

125. LOL!

[leeroysphitz]

127. What's my new DU name?

[Boojatta]

131. How would you feel about "Executive Floorplan B"?

[panader0]

128. I think I tried this once, but forgot my final name........

[Boojatta]

133. How do you feel about "Easybake Lightbulb Oven"?

[Chan790]

130. Yay! Pick me! Pick me!

[Boojatta]

132. How do you feel about "Stanley Lambchop"?

[Chan790]

134. Well...

Stanley is an old family name on my mother's side. First name, not last. Half my mother's brothers have Stanley for a middle name. All of them had 3 uncles named Stanley all on the same side of the family. I'm thinking that got confusing quickly. Stanley's cool.

Lambchop? It lacks a certain vegan cred I aspire to.

[Boojatta]

136. Stanley Lambchop is the main character in a famous piece of creative writing.

If I'm not mistaken, you aspire both to write creatively, and to achieve Stanley's physique.

[carlyhippy]

135. Raises hand :)

Do I get a pledge pin too????

[Boojatta]

137. You shall be known as "Mellow Wanderer."

Note that one meaning of "mellow" is "slightly and pleasantly intoxicated", but it does have other meanings.

[carlyhippy]

140. ahhh, fits me perfectly....

attaches pledge pin to headband and wanders to the grass to mellow.....

[Bucky]

141. I am peaceful warrior for peace, brother. May Gaea sprinkle love rainbows on us.

Now I pass the talking stick to you. What is my new name?

[Boojatta]

146. Your new name is Pass_a_fist. You ante up, but when the game turns into a fistfight, you pass.

[Bucky]

150. I can't Pass a Fist...

...if I can't swallow it first.

[bigwillq]

142. Fire away

:P

[Boojatta]

147. According to your Journal, your first Greatest Page thread...

didn't happen until lightning struck an airplane with a Kennedy inside. What are the odds? Under the circumstances, you will have to settle for ...

Don't_Unrec_Me_Bro

P.S. I understand that being tasered is more painful than being unrecced. Looking at the big picture, your situation is relatively pleasant.

[Old Troop]

143. People call me "Dick". Can I keep it?

[Boojatta]

148. That's not what I heard. I heard that they pulled a knife on you.

Given the tiny difference between people calling you Dick and people pulling a knife on you, we had better steer clear of Richard's nickname.

Your new name is...

Train_Politalks

... because you like to talk politics while you're on the train.

[Old Troop]

159. That's eerily appropriate.

[kentauros]

144. You can pick one from my sigline.

[Zavulon]

145. Dub me. (NT)

[Boojatta]

149. Your new name is Knavish_Sprite_Puck

[Common Sense Party]

151. Present!

Thank you, sir, may I have another! (pre-emptive)

[Boojatta]

153. I am drafting you to help resolve an old theological problem.

Your new name is ...

I_Created_God

I cannot offer more than that, and I don't see why you should need another. Your pre-emptive request is moot.

[mcollins]

152. With this be my new Delta Delta Delta name? nt

[Boojatta]

154. You must explain the meaning of triple delta.

Your new name is ...

As_Seen_by_Cat

[Soylent Brice]

158. let's have it then. what's it gonna be?

[Ikonoklast]

161. I see my apprentice has taken leave of this thread.

Good thing, too, the toilets were getting backed up, and they weren't about to plunge themselves.



Uh, where was I?

Oh.

Right, then.





Your new DU name is "Hot Tuna Casserole".


You'll be a big hit at every church function from now on.

[Soylent Brice]

164. really??

i thought casserole was the work of the devil...

[Ikonoklast]

166. No, that would be Jello molds

Those things are evil incarnate; anyone who is tricked into partaking has set their soul on the road to Perdition.

[midnight armadillo]

160. bring it on tough guy or gal.

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

[Ikonoklast]

162. Ha! You think you can intimidate me with....hee hee...caps?

Please.

You are only going to hurt yourself.



However, in the spirit of forgiveness for such rudeness, you deserve a extra-special name, bestowed in a most formal and forthright manner.


From now on, all of DU shall know you as "Cheap Beer".


Best of wishes.

[donheld]

163. Huh?

[Ikonoklast]

168. Basing your new name on your profound loquaciousness and command of language

you have now been transformed into "Lug Nut".



An object which is more useful than the person who now bears the name, I fear.

[Dr. Strange]

165. Name me!

[Ikonoklast]

167. After consulting with the senior staff, a decision has been made.

Which I will disregard, totally.

Those guys are idiots.

The new name they had picked for you was way too cool to be wasted, so I came up with the next best name...well, for you, anyway.


All of DU shall now know you as "Slag Heap".


Rejoice.

[Dr. Strange]

169. Slag Heap likes this.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

170. In your dreams.

[Ikonoklast]

172. I find your lack of faith...disturbing.

I therefore christen you "Daisy".










Pretty flowers, daisies.

[TZ]

171. Hmmm

I think you will pick something punnish and short...Something like PDQ....:)

[Ikonoklast]

174. And you would be totally

...WRONG!





Why is it people tempt fate? Is it that they are daring? They need and crave excitement? They are bored with the dull soul-killing routine of their mundane lives?



Who really cares? I certainly don't.


You are now known to all as "Her Imperial Majesty, Empress of The Enchanted Isles, Ruler Supreme of All Civilized Nations, Divine Ruler of Men, Envy of All Women, Spicy Brown Mustard on Beef Franks".


We call you "Spice Girl" for short.

[TZ]

186. !

:rofl:

[LaurenG]

173. I'd like a new name please

I've had this one all my life, well most of the name anyway. A better name would be nice but that of course is just a suggestion. :P
Thank you.

[Ikonoklast]

176. What a touching story...it really moved me.

To hysterics.

A 'suggestion'?


Looks to me more like a demand.

With implied threats to back it up.

As if that tactic ever worked.




You are now to be forevermore known as "Short Pants".


You're welcome.

[LaurenG]

177. I really appreciate the change and yes

short pants is awesome! ShortPantsG Yay!!

[Ikonoklast]

179. I live to serve.

It is the very foundation of my humble existence.















To tell you the truth, it was a close thing between "Short Pants" and "Poopy Pants".

I agonized over this one for seconds, literally.


Some people catch a break.

[old mark]

175. How about "Democratic Underwear"? nt

[Ikonoklast]

178. Uh, no. What part of this process do you fail to comprehend?

All of it, I assume.


*I* do the assigning. There is no volunteering a desired name, you get what I give you, and you'll like it.

Oh, yes. You will like it.


"Turnip".


I know, I know, such a grand moniker for such a humble person.

It's almost pretentious.

[old mark]

185. Are you talkin' to me?

How about "Democratic Underwear"?


old turnip

[GreenPartyVoter]

180. Can I have something cool? I am in serious need of upping my coolness factor.

[Ikonoklast]

181. Lemme see what's in the back room.

BRB.












Damn, I better get around to dusting the shelves back there one day. There's spider webs big enough to catch a small child hanging from the ceiling.


I did find this for you, though. Forgot it was even still in stock.

"Coherent Light" shall you be.

Try it on, it looks like it fits nicely.

[GreenPartyVoter]

191. Thx! Here's hoping this will garner me some extra cool, which according to

my kids I am in dire need of. :hi:

[Chellee]

196. Why is there a small child hanging from your ceiling?

Thank God that web is there to catch them if they fall.

[Ikonoklast]

198. Spiders need to eat, too, yanno.

If I give them a nice, juicy kid every so often, they leave me alone.


Huge vicious remorseless hungry arthropods massing twenty kilos are not to be trifled with, lemme tell ya.

[Chellee]

205. uh huh

Human sacrifice.

I see.

Alrighty then...


You know, and I'm just throwing this out there, the spiders might not get that big if you'd stop feeding them the neighborhood children.

Just a thought.

[Ikonoklast]

218. I am helping to solve the childhood obesity problem.

I figure if I only feed the little fat kids to the giant spiders, and leave the leaner kids alone, the average weight of all children will show a statistical decline.

It's my small part in helping out on a serious public health issue.




I'm always amazed at how many kids you can get with free candy.


Those spiders never go without, and that's a fact.

[Steely_Dan]

182. I'll Play...

What do I need to do?

By the way, is it possible to change your DU name...anyone know?

-Paige

[Ikonoklast]

183. Asking the question is all that is needed.

You seem to be in some sort of a quandary, a mis-step, a half-heard voice faint on the wind...

Not much I can do about any of that. See a life coach or something, I don't have the time.


I shall christen you "Wombat".

A seemly choice, if I don't say so myself.

[ohheckyeah]

184. thanks

this was a much needed diversion and amusement tonight.

[Ikonoklast]

189. 'Diversion'? 'Amusement'??

There are powers in this universe that you cannot fully comprehend, so you look upon them as some sort of entertainment?

Vast energies moving slowly through the deep, mysteries uncomprehendable by mere mortal beings, give you a slight chuckle, do they?


For that, you are now dubbed "Dirty Sock".


Evens things out just a tad.

[velvet]

187. I know

I've taken my time posting to this thread. I wanted to approach this solemn occasion cleansed of sin and pure of heart. This took a couple of days to achieve.

I am now ready.

[Ikonoklast]

192. Why is it that people think the false humility routine will in any way inflluence

the decision-making process? The groveling and sucking-up are fairly amusing, but the 'I'm so humble' stuff just gets on my nerves.

Couple of days, my foot. More like a couple of seconds.

Besides, all this is pre-ordained, even I cannot change what Fate has already decided.



"Phlegm"

It is so ordered.

[velvet]

194. aarrgh! errgh! hack! spit!

Cool, thanks. Good fit.

I feel more phlegmatic already.

[xchrom]

188. it had better start with Miss --

and the Drag community had better be awed.

[Ikonoklast]

193. You are one of the easy ones.

Oh, stop. Not like that.


I'm talking about your new name, your new persona, your new life.


"The Big Hammer" is now revealed to the entire world.

[xchrom]

197. i'm gonna have to dress like Thor's mother to post here.

:rofl: and like Thor on Saturday nights.

[Ikonoklast]

199. Make sure to wear decent shoes that are a good fit.

Or the next day you will thertainly be Thor.

[xchrom]

200. Wait til the my queens get a look at The Big Hammer -

With Thor feet and furs - Lots of furs.

[ThatsMyBarack]

190. Okay, try me!

:hi:

[Ikonoklast]

195. Such a forward, cheeky person you are!

Oh, there have been those that offered bribes of all sorts, thinking that I am easily swayed by such trivialities.

I respectfully decline your offer to 'try you', but I shall still bestow you with your new name none the less.

It's what I do.



It is...



Oh, boy.



Please remember that I am in no way to be held responsible, either legally or morally, for the seemliness of your new name.

I am just the conduit through which such information is passed.


Sometimes my job is easier than others, but this is one of those times that I must grit my teeth and just get through it somehow.

The perceived unfortunateness of a new name by the recepient is not to be taken into consideration, it is my duty to deliver, without prejudice, the name in question.


Draw a deep breath.


Exhale slowly.









"Fuzzy Kitten".










You have my sincerest sympathies.

[ThatsMyBarack]

201. I like it!

:thumbsup:

[mwdem]

202. I picked mine because I was living in the Kansas City area at the time

Now I'm in Texas, but originally from N.C. What should I be called?

[Ikonoklast]

203. What in God's name are you going on about?

"I used to live here, I used to live there, I moved back here, ended up there..."

Wah wah wah.

Do you always blabber on endlessly about details of your personal history to people that roll their eyes every time you start in on the subject?


Do you think that your nomadic lifestyle should have any bearing or influence on your new name?


Did you even read any part of this thread and try to understand, even in the most vague or rudimentary way, how this process works?


Do you like Fig Newtons? I do.



I must call a meeting to confer with my staff about your new name.

Please make yourself comfortable in the waiting room.


































Crap, you're still here?

Persistent, to say the least.



I hate persistent people. So annoying.




All right, I think we've found a good one for you, very uplifting, inspiring, original.

One of my personal favorites, btw.


It's "Spud Bar".



You can thank me profusely.

[mwdem]

217. I love Fig Newtons, and Spud Bar is perfect!

Thanks!:patriot:

[kayakjohnny]

204. I LOVE this thread!

You remind me of the Wizard of Oz.

He was all-powerful too.

And I think you are typing in a kind of echoey voice. That is also loud and all-knowing.

Plus I can see the veins in your temples.

But this is a damn creative thread and you are quite the show person.

I haven't laughed so hard since Lefty had that wonderful one-man production about a week ago or so.

My hat is off to you and that other persona that helped you with this awesome piece.

Cheers.

[Ikonoklast]

208. Funny thing, that .You remind me of someone, too.

Shemp from The Three Stooges.

You must be used to that by now, I'm fairly certain that wasn't the first time you've heard that comparison.


But, I digress.

I must get down to business, as time grows shorter than your receding hairline.


Hmmm.

I believe this just might be about right...


"Waxy Yellow Build-Up".




You might want to buff that one out a little.

[mtowngman]

206. anything"ll work. I hate my name.

[Ikonoklast]

211. Be of good cheer, help has arrived.

Seeing how it looks like you picked your previous name from a hat full of Scrabble tiles, just about anything you receive here will be a step up.


Unless I'm in a naughty mood.



Which, of course, I am.





I will tinge my ill temper with a bit of compassion for your plight, as I am not a randomly cruel person.



Usually I am deliberately cruel.

Hey, it's one of the perks of the job. I get my jollies wherever I can.





Back to the business at hand.

Oh, I like this one.

Yes, indeedy.


Your new DU name is "Robotic Welder".



Look on the bright side, you will always be able to find employment.

[The Straight Story]

207. I don't think I want a name change so I am not going to post here (nt) :)

[Ikonoklast]

212. Ha. Ha. Aren't you the Clever Fellow?

You should have spared your fingers and stopped after the first three words, and I may have agreed with you.

Just a little insider info for you: once committed to posting in this thread, a mechanism is set in motion that is both unstoppable and, well, quite frankly, malicious.



And you know what the greatest thing is about that?


I get to push the button to make the damn thing go!

Is that great, or what?


Your new name is "Undeniable Lust".



You'll be a big hit at the next party.

[texanwitch]

209. I am ready.

What names are left over.

[Ikonoklast]

213. There is no such thing as names 'left over'.

What a gigantic insult.


You demean my efforts with such a preposterous suggestion.


I am not usually so easily offended, but, this, this is beyond the pale! To think that I am dishing out 'left overs'!






I need a few moments to gather my thoughts. You have upset my mental balance, and I must seek a new level.

Ommmmmm...ommmmmmm...ommmmmm....







I have been successful in clearing out whatever negative energy you have brought with you, and have been in conference with my staff.

They really wanted to 'send a message' with your new name, but, being the old softie that I am, I stayed their vitriol and came to a compromise.


You are now "Oily Residue".



Another smashing success on my part.

[texanwitch]

214. Sounds good to me.

:hi: :bounce: :rofl:

[704wipes]

210. just as long as my new name implies no islamo-socialism

and I was born in the US, well at least Franklin Graham has no reason to think I wasn't since I say I was.

[Ikonoklast]

216. Are you finished prattling on about...whatever?

Finished?

Good, we can start.


Since time immemorial, my predecessors have always been even-handed, steady, thoughtful, reasonable people, and took painstaking efforts to make sure that the new name fit the poster.

They have always sought out the best and brightest of their acolytes to take their place once the inevitable visit from Morpheus overcame them.

This practice has gone on flawlessly for generations, until it was my turn.

The last chief of our guild was my uncle, and after one phone call from my Mom, I was in.





That really chapped some asses, lemme tell ya.





Anyway, enough about my illustrious career, there is business to attend to.

Well.



Umm.





Ah.



I see your future spreading out before you, "Igneous Substance".

[RagAss]

219. Restore my true identity .

[Ikonoklast]

221. What, are you some kind of super hero with amnesia?

You got dropped off a building by your arch-enemy, landed on your head and forgot your secret identity?


Some super hero.

What kind of lame powers do you have, anyway?

You can conjugate future tense verbs in Hungarian while simultaneously gargling peanut butter? You can see through glass? You have the ability to breathe air?



Didn't your Mom ever sew your name into your undies?

And now somehow I'm to be the one to fix this mess?





*Sigh*


All right. I reluctantly agree to help you.

I suppose if I don't I'll never hear the end of it.


I do have a reputation to uphold.





Your new secret identity's name is "Smooth Bore".




I think you owe me one for that.



The boys in the back room agree with me.

Pizza and beer would be appreciated.



Imported, no domestic, unless it's a micro-brew. There are standards, you know.




Oh, and extra cheese.

[RagAss]

223. Cool Beans !.... Smooth Bore...I love it !

:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

[woo me with science]

220. I have been looking for a fresh start.

Maybe this is a first step.

[Ikonoklast]

222. Yeah, I suppose you might think that.

When one lives close to the edge of an abyss, taking that proverbial 'first step' can be problematic, unless one is certain of one's direction.


No one ever thinks about that now, do they?

I know you haven't.


Anyway.




I am duty bound to offer my services, in my usual humble manner, even to those that are absolutely clueless as to any future ramifications of such a hastily arrived decision.


But I shall not question the motivation behind the petitioner.

Even as they speed toward oblivion.




Your new name is to be "Unknown Cartography".




No extra charge.

[Boojatta]

224. Do-over: Wouldn't "Apprentice" or "Usurper" be more appropriate than "Monsoon"?

[Ikonoklast]

229. Please re-read the instructions available to all that are literate.

If there is any problems with your comprehension of this, I am sure that a friendly library clerk could read them to you, and explain that there are no do-overs. Ever.


Your new name, once assigned, is forever and permanently yours.

If you do not particularly care for your new DU name, I suggest you take up your concerns, in person, with our Department of Complaints.

The department is currently located on the northwest corner of Baffin Island, roughly Latitude : 68 24 N, 70 17 W
and is only staffed between the hours of 0431 and 0517 every third Wednesday of alternating months.

There is no transit available, either private or public, so please make every arrangement for transportation on your own.








Oh, if by any chance you actually happen to find the Complaint Dept, please tell them for me that they were all laid off four years ago, and their jobs off-shored to Easter Island.

[MrScorpio]

225. Shoot, why not?

Hit me.

[Boojatta]

226. I will recommend to the council that you be assigned either

"Dr.Scorpion" or "Doug_the_Scorpion."

What sayest thou?

[MrScorpio]

232. Sweet, I love it

You really know your stuff

[Xithras]

231. I've been thinking about changing it at the next opportunity

Nobody gets my misspelled Bab-5 reference anyway...

Xithras is the phonetic spelling ;)

[Boojatta]

242. Your new name is ...

Straczynski's_Grandmother

Some things were just meant to be.

[Boojatta]

233. Kick

[applegrove]

234. I'm in.

[Boojatta]

239. You have forgotten your own name? Please see post #124 of this thread.

[applegrove]

249. Oh yes. Three weeks ago. My bad.

[Hawkeye-X]

235. Ok. I'll bite. What's mine?

[Boojatta]

237. Your new name is...

Donated_Kidney_to_Hannibal_Lecter

[chrisa]

236. Excellent lurker-tainment thread.

:thumbsup:

Whoever kicked this is a genius.

[Boojatta]

257. Your new name is ...

I'd_Rather_Be_W_C_Fields_Than_Spend_Time_in_a_Philadelphia_Nightclub

[TK421]

238. This probably won't be pretty, but alright...hit me with it!

what the fuck happened to my star?

[Boojatta]

240. How would you feel about Snake_Skyslitherer?

Your star went supernova, but the good news is that it guided three wise men to Bethlehem.

[TK421]

241. Sort of like Snake Plissken....I kind of like it! Time to donate now, thanks!

[Boojatta]

243. What are the odds?

After I mention Bethlehem, you mention a character who appears in two movies directed by a man whose surname is "Carpenter."

[TK421]

245. Odds are quite good, I suppose!

lucky, I guess?

[HERVEPA]

244. OK. Hit me

[Boojatta]

248. I was thinking of a long name such as ...

Cheese_Similar_to_Limburger_and_Eaten_at_the_Environmental_Protection_Agency

... but suddenly I noticed that HERVEPA isn't HERVE + EPA. It's HERVE + PA. That suggests a name like "Curd_Daddy."

On the other hand, I don't know that you had any kind of cheese in mind when you constructed your original DU username. In any case, havarti is more well-known than herve.

Thus, I finally decided that your name should be ...

Manet_Monet_Whatever

What do you think?

[HERVEPA]

250. I like it!

[denbot]

246. OK, I'll play your silly game.

What do ya got?

[Boojatta]

247. Your new name is ...

Wild_Heap_of_Wit

[denbot]

252. Ut id oo thea

:rofl:

[Boojatta]

263. I admit.

I haven't yet cracked the code. Hint please?

"Ut id oo thea"

[denbot]

264. Umm.. I've seem to have lost the key..

My guess is the the Whit was a play on shit with the first consonant dropped. My reply would have been in that manner, but now I'm not sure what the hell I meant..

[Boojatta]

265. Why is your focus on the word "Whit", as in a smidgeon, ...

(parenthetically, I should comment that a smidgeon isn't necessarily a kind of smeared pigeon excrement, but might simply be a scarcely detectable amount of anything whatsoever)

... given that "Whit" is a word resembling but different from the word "Wit" in your new name?

For "Wit", we have the following definition:

A person of eminent sense or knowledge; a man of genius, fancy, or humor; one distinguished for bright or amusing sayings, for repartee, and the like. (1913 Webster)

[cherokeeprogressive]

251. cherokeeprogressive

[Boojatta]

253. Your new name is Navy_Blue

I was thinking of something more complicated, but sometimes simpler is better.

[nolabear]

254. Oh what the heck. Dub me, oh Dubber.

But I might Dubya back.

[Boojatta]

255. Your new name is ...

Ironic_Points_of_Light

Can you handle a name like that? I'm counting on you to not go all Lucifer on us.

[nolabear]

256. I think I can handle it. From a distance, of course.

[Boojatta]

259. Kick

[Boojatta]

260. Now serving ...

Get your piping hot new DU username. Step right up!

[newcriminal]

261. ok give it a go.

[Boojatta]

262. How about ...

Gospel_of_Saint_Robin_Hood?

If you don't like that, you could try on ...

Stainless_Stealin'_Stalin

If neither fits, then we need to talk.

[Dr Morbius]

266. I'm rather surprised this thread has not yet faded into oblivion.

And since so many are having fun prior to the inevitable descent of this thread into oblivion, I figured I might try my luck.

What's my name?

[akbacchus_BC]

269. This is not going to beat Graywarrior's thread! That one is classic. n/t

[Ikonoklast]

271. I would be amiss to shirk my sacred duty.

Though on retreat communing with others of my Guild, seeking a more perfect, complete, and deeper philosophical understanding of my craft though meditation and the shared experiences of my fellow practitioners, I have not forgotten that I have sworn to help those in dire need of my services, and have thusly returned to impart my profound wisdom to grateful recipients.





To tell you the truth, after the second day we mostly sat around drinking cheap rye whiskey and told each other stories about the dim-witted name-change petitioners we all deal with, and their stupefying lame excuses as to why they needed our services.


Hey, it was better than being stuck in an airless conference room for ten hours, watching a power-point presentation by some droning bureaucrat about nonsense like ethics, moral consequences of our decisions, malpractice lawsuits, and other stupid stuff like that.






But, back to the matter at hand.


Your new name.



With my new-found knowledge and improved moral compass, and after consulting with my libel attorney, I think this one is definitely you.


'Deranged Hairstylist'.







OK, so sue me, I've got the guy on retainer.

[valerief]

267. Oh, Great Name Namer, can I get a name that makes me sound younger?

Merci.

[Ikonoklast]

272. If you'd lay off the Lucky Strikes and bourbon, you might sound younger.

Years of that type of abuse tend to make one's voice just a tad on the, shall we say, 'husky' side.


For what it's worth, just a little advice; take it or leave it.






I know you won't take it.

No one ever takes my advice.


They just keep careening from one disaster to another.




I say, screw 'em.


Ungrateful jerks, most of them.

I try and I try, but for the most part, they just ignore my suggestions, which are truly golden, and they just keep making a total mess of their already crummy lives, so I just sit back and laugh...










Back to business.


Ooh, I see something extra special in the works here for you. I kinda like this one, has some panache, a little flair, quite musical.





You'll hate it, of course.


Tough luck. It's you, now.



'Irrepressible Desires'.

[valerief]

275. Fabulous!!! BTW, I don't smoke and rarely drink. But I sing!!!!

I think my next novel will be a romance titled "Irrepressible Desires".

Merci beaucoup.

[akbacchus_BC]

268. I'll bite, curious to know what name you will assign to me, LOL!

[akbacchus_BC]

270. Since you not replying to me, can I rename you to 'Ikonotsee'?

[Ikonoklast]

273. You can certainly try.

You can also take a long walk off a short pier, and see how long your hat can float.



Such impertinence should be punished, but being the noble person that I am, I will not let your impatience interfere with the process in regards to your new name. I refuse to let any of my personal feelings interfere, being the total professional that I am.


I will recuse myself from this request, and will refer it back to the committee.



Even though most of those guys are imbeciles, in this matter I will respect their decision, no matter how ridiculous it may seem to you.


I shall hand-deliver your request in person.









Doesn't look too good for you, they all went out bowling and came back roaring drunk, the lot of them.




From what I gathered over the yelling of dirty limericks, your new DU name is to be 'Cold Pizza Goddamit'.

















You know something, it just struck me, in hindsight they may have been complaining about the take-out they ordered.


Oh, well, too late for any revisions.










As if that would ever happen.

[akbacchus_BC]

274. You are smarter than I thought, LOL. Hey, I can cope with drunks!

Takes two to tango. Thanks for the response by the way! You like your new nick?