Wedding gift: cash? good knife? hand-etched bowl?

[Patiod]

My friend's 20-something daughter is getting married, and I almost feel like it's my responsibility as an adult to get her something really, really useful based on my 50 years on this earth.

It took me until I hit 35-40 to realize the importance of a high quality chef's knife to a decent kitchen. A really top-notch knife and steel would probably cost about $100. I don't believe in superstition, especially the one that knives are "unlucky" gifts - gave a nice set to friends who are now married 15 years, and the wife says it was the most useful gift they received (she told me that 5 years later, much to my surprise)

The other option would be a hand-made liquid-etched glass bowl with her name, her husband's name, and their wedding date and a decoration. The latter would be nice because it would require time and effort (which I have) vs. money (which I don't because I'm unemployed). My friend still has one that I made her 20 years ago.

[rug]

1. Prenup.

[Patiod]

2. Rug FTW

Sick, sick, sick, but my first smile of the evening.

[Twillig]

3. That is damn tough.

By the time she realizes how good that knife is (based on your own personal experience(35-40 yrs)), you're gonna be, well, 80 something.
(and so will I)

I vote bowl.


Buy yourself another nice knife. :-)

[Twillig]

7. Second thoughts..

It depends on what you think your friend will think.

I'd say that is a cash v. knife thing.

Pay no mind to me.

[proteus_lives]

4. The knife.

Cash at a wedding is tacky.

[Patiod]

5. I think so too, but a lot of people feel otherwise

I've met a lot of people who are HORRIFIED at the thought that someone would give anything other than cash. I think it's cultural - I don't know

[IcyPeas]

6. Cash - unless ....

you happen to know for a fact they'd like a knife or a bowl

a knife is useful but an etched bowl?

also, sometimes cash is really appreciated for a young couple (unless they are already wealthy)

[Duer 157099]

8. Other - a Kitchenaid Mixer

The thing about the knife is that unless they are into cooking, they might easily mistreat and damage it.

The Kitchenaid mixer might sit on the counter for a few months or years, but eventually someone will start using it and they'll be glad they have it!

[Heidi]

48. I love my Kitchenaid blender.

I don't have room for a stand mixer, but if I did, it'd be a Kitchenaid. :thumbsup:

[Dr Morbius]

9. As someone who has gotten married, there ain't nothing more useful than cash.

A really good chef's knife is a good thing, don't get me wrong, but I've gotten by with a $25 cheapie for years. It's not as good as a high-quality knife but it works and I've discovered I don't need a top-quality knife. But cash? When one is first starting down the road of marriage, cash is always a good thing to have.

[Patiod]

12. Ah, the dude response!

My SO can't believe I even have a question about this. He wouldn't consider anything else - guys give cash. Period.

We womens get all mushy about starting a new life, a new household, etc.

Oh, God, I'm falling into such a stereotype!

[susanna]

27. Interestingly, I may be a guy. Who knew?

I go the cash route for folks not well-known to me; they may be extended family, but if I've only seen them a handful of times in my life? Yeah, well, that's a consideration. As mushy as starting a new life is, I'm just plain practical these days.

I adore the knife idea, since I happen to be a culinary professional. But I'd rather give cash they WILL use than a good knife that's going to be mistreated (or worse yet, not used). I get weird about that...nature of the profession, I guess.

To the OP: give them what YOU want to give them. :)

Patiod: not trying to say anything mean, just relaying my experience. Vive le difference. ;)

[Missy Vixen]

10. Patiod!

Hey, woman, I can't find your number. If you call me, I'll call you back.

The gift: Truthfully, I'd make the bowl. You are generous to give a gift, especially right now, and if you'd like to give more later, that's still an option. The bride and groom will love a gorgeous bowl with their names and wedding date on it. If they don't, they're talking to me. ;-)

IMHO, but I don't give cash as a wedding gift. It tends to get spent on the wedding expenses, etcetera, and that's not what it was given for. (There is no end to how pissed I would be if I gave $100 and found out it went for a new XBox or something, instead of the dishes, towels, and sheets newly marrieds need.) This may be cultural and the fact it's East Coast vs. West Coast, but it is tacky to make it known one would rather have cash than a thoughtful gift a wedding guest chooses to give.

We got a Henckels professional knife set, complete with steel and block, as a wedding gift. We still use it every day, and we'll be married 17 years in September.

Again, you are truly generous.

[Gormy Cuss]

11. The bowl

I heard the knife superstition after I gave a set as a gift and haven't given knives since unless they were on a bridal registry.

I also have a cultural bias against cash as a wedding gift.

Therefore, the etched bowl is the choice that I'd make among those -- and I do tend to select gifts that are unique and tailored to the couple when I can.

[jp11]

13. Bowl.

A gift you make is better than something you buy unless you are looking to help them take down that wedding registry they setup for stuff they'd like, want, or thought looked cool.

The knife is something that is hit or miss if they will actually use it, not everyone makes their own meals and probably even less would recognize the value of a good knife over a cheap one.

Cash is a bad gift, IMO for anyone you 'know' unless they are a young kid/teen/college kid, if I was stumped I'd go for a gift card/certificate or the like over cash, even something like a government bond.

[noamnety]

14. It depends on the couple

personally I wouldn't have much interest in the bowl.

The knife or the kitchenaid, on the other hand - those are great gifts.

The only wedding gifts I remember 15 years later are a bird feeder and a lava lamp. Neither were expensive, but I liked them both a lot.

[GoneOffShore]

15. I said the knife - but the bowl would be really nice.

And if you can't afford the knife - Joy of Cooking.

[Kali]

16. for those into the knife superstition

all you have to do is ask for a penny from the recipients - that makes it a purchase! Can't believe people don't know this.

I use the set of knives I got from my Aunt for our wedding almost every single day. going on 28 years.


OMG!!!! 28 YEARS???!!! *falls out of chair*

[pitohui]

22. yes i do the penny thing too

i will never give a knife agn w/out asking for a penny but i have "given" a knife agan at the request of the recipient/it was on the gift registry

it's weird but giving the penny does take all the bad luck out of it

the one person i thought was so rational and it would never be a problem...that one i didn't see for two decades after giving the gift of the knife...even if they don't "believe" in the superstition, they think "huh, they wanted to break the relationship or why did they give a knife," there's just no percentage in giving a knife w.out asking for the penny to make it a sale

[Kali]

17. The bowl would be more meaningful, and more personal

the knife/knives more useful. From your circumstances I would say give the bowl now and give a knife on an anniversary or some future house party type occasion.

[pokerfan]

18. can't go wrong with a good knife

[hippywife]

19. I think unless you know the couple.

being married well and are familiar with their hobbies and habits, cash is the best gift. Maybe neither of them enjoy cooking or even make an attempt. And the etched bowl seems to me to be frivolous junk. My SIL gave us crystal pieces and I am not a crystal person. They've never been used and are still in their boxes 13 years later.

No matter who they are, everyone can use cash. :hi:

[LibDemAlways]

24. I'd find out if they are registered anyplace so I could get a better

idea of what they'd like. If their preferences can't be determined, then I agree with you. Just give the green stuff and you can't go wrong.

[MissMillie]

20. I'd love a good knife...

but... they may not think like I do

[pitohui]

21. giving the gift of the knife cuts the relationship (actual experience here)

for those who think it's bullshit, i gave a gold knife for not cheap money to me back then to a first degree relative

i didn't see him again for two decades

never give a knife as a gift, just don't -- even if you think NO WAY it can go wrong, somehow...you don't wanna be the star of a greek myth know what i mean? you are tempting fate, which is a foolish thing to do in the material world

i would LOVE the art glass gift and it has no negativity associated w. it, that is COOL

[quakerboy]

23. F

We asked for cash, as we had none and wanted to have at least a little honeymoon. Not everyone complied. Most did. The others were by and large returned to the stores. The crystal went back and were traded for store credit that got us the blender that we never use. The various coolers and sundry items from Costco went back and were converted to groceries.

The knife appeals to me, as I like a good knife. But I am picky as hell about my knives, and would never ask anyone to buy one for me, as I am not willing to lie when asked if they got the right one. Plus a lot of people do not know how to keep a good knife good. Even I have lapsed on occasion, and messed up decent knives. So that might not be the ideal gift, much as it appeals to me.

The bowl is cool, but useless. Sorry to be heartless, but I am not a terribly sentimental person. I would not really dig it there, and I don't care for the ornate look. I like utilitarian things. My wife wants her home and possessions clean, so a dust gatherer would not be something she appreciated over the long term, however lovely it is.

Then again, If someone I knew didn't have a job gave me anything, I would appreciate it for what it was intended to be. It might not be the most utilitarian gift that I would incorporate into my daily life. It might not be the gift that made my month. To be honest, it might not even be anything that I would keep past a month or so. Ah... who am I kidding. I still have my moms mixing bowl that hasn't been used in better than a year, I would keep it. But I would value it based on what it represents, and the spirit behind the gift.

I guess you gotta know your audience. What would they appreciate? How much do you care how much they appreciate your gift? what would you feel good about giving? And what can you really afford to give? Balance it out, and you have your answer...

Just FYI Dollar Tree sells brooms for a dollar now... And who doesn't need a broom?

[Missy Vixen]

28. The last person that demanded I give something "practical"

almost didn't get a wedding gift at all, and she's our aunt. She got candleholders. After all, the power goes out sometimes. I enclosed the receipt as well.

There is no law that states one has to get a gift at all for someone who's getting married. It is amazing to me how many people think they can dictate what someone else should buy or make for them.

I'm thinking the couple in question should be pretty grateful to get such a nice gift from Patiod in the first place; she's out of work right now.

IMHO, YMMV.

[quakerboy]

45. I agree with your whole post

Except the candle holders part. That just hurts my soul a little.

I had no problem with any of the gifts we were given, but I was grateful that I could return the ones we couldn't use. I figured that anyone who knew us well enough to be invited would know me well enough not to be offended by any aspect of the lack of ceremony or tradition that we chose. And we didn't actually ask for gifts, but knew that people would give them. Our only mention of such was the email for rsvp: Pleasegiveusmoneythanks@

And as I said, you have to know your audience, and also know how much you care what your audience thinks of it.

[Missy Vixen]

46. The candleholders were low, bowl-shaped and pretty indestructible

We got them from Crate and Barrel, which sells items that are pretty and useful. We found out how useful candleholders were after a week-long power outage in 2007.

I agree with "knowing your audience".

[pengillian101]

25. I like the hand-etched bowl gift idea!

It's romantic and she will always remember it came from you!

The knife is my second choice, and cash is my least favorite. Years later, who remembers cash gifts, eh?

But, she'll always have your bowl :-)

[gmoney]

26. Fancy picture frame

Something appropriate for a wedding photo... 11x14 or so

[Quantess]

29. Just show up wasted

and do a body slam across the gift table.

[old mark]

30. We got a decent knife from my wife's brother for some event - it is very handy

and I use it several times a month, and always think that he gave it to us...(It would be a great kitchen knife except the ones I mainly use are over 100 years old and NOBODY makes knives like them anymore...)

I'd go for the knife-if they cook at all they will appreciate it frequently.

Money is spent and forgotten, and the bowl will become just another thing to dust.


mark

[PRETZEL]

31. Depends I guess

Do the couple already have a household set up?

Is the couple paying for part of the reception?

Personally, if they're setting up a new household or are already living together then I'd either go with the knife/steel or the bowl. I think it would depend on how established they are.

If they're paying for part of the reception then I'd give cash.

You could probably hint around with your friend as to what they'd appreciate more.

[Rabrrrrrr]

32. And they'll store those for the next 50 years until they need them?

"depends", you said! :rofl:

:P:P:P

Though I suppose that's a great way to tell them "I think you're marriage will last a long, long time!"

[Rosie1223]

33. I'm practical and never heard of the knife superstition.

Last weekend I was cleaning out a storage closet and re-discovered a box of cut glass servingware I was given for wedding presents 26 years ago. They are beautiful, but they went back in the box in the closet. On the other hand, the knife set I was given is in the block on the kitchen counter and used every day.

So I'd chose the knife set.

However, given your financial situation, you should give them the bowl.

Best wishes to your friend's daughter!

[cbdo2007]

34. ebay - mouth bow harp

[mnhtnbb]

35. Hubby is a potter and he gives pieces of his work when we have wedding invites.

We gave a beautiful bowl he made to my nephew when he married a year ago--and they love it. Just love it.
He made a platter to match the dishes chosen by another couple we know who recently married. Haven't heard
that response yet, as they are just back from the honeymoon first of July.

I voted for the unique, hand made gift.

[Patiod]

39. I usually give the wedding invitations

I do calligraphy, and offer to do both invites and place cards, and the couple usually goes for that.

Once I made pearl drop necklaces for the pre-teen bridesmaids to wear (the three daughters of the groom)

I'm just not used to NOT making the gift, so all of this is kind of new to me, in spite of my advanced age!

[Joe Fields]

36. How about a used waffle iron that wasn't even cleaned ...

My new bride and I received one as a gift from my boss. We never brought it to my boss' attention.

[Patiod]

40. My grandmother gave my brother a used iron

She was a manager at an apartment building in a poor area of the city, and we imagine this was something left in one of her apartments. My brother and I are adopted, and she didn't think of us as her "real" grandchildren, who had gotten jewelry and cash as gifts.

[Dogtown]

37. Knives are the most important kitchen tool

and a dull knife is a disaster to both food and thumbs.

[Dulcinea]

38. Something from their gift registry.

A knife is a nice gift if they like to cook. An etched bowl is pretty, but not too practical for a young couple just starting out.

Cash? It'll probably be used for wedding expenses, as stated above.

I'd go with something nice from their registry. You know they'll need and want it!

[Pool Hall Ace]

41. Cash. I don't use any of the crapola that we receive as wedding gifts.

Money -- that's what I wanted.

[Moondog]

42. The knife and steel.

Most 20 somethings don't know yet that what a good knife is, much less why they need one. But they need one all the same. It will last for years, possibly longer than the marriage, and will be a gift that keeps on giving. Most definitely not a waste of money.

[Monique1]

43. Give what you can afford

I am sure they will understand you are not not working, you don't need to give anything. If I were getting married and invited someone to my wedding who is unemployed I would not expect a gift. I would be inviting you to share that special day.

[Patiod]

44. So I'm going with 8 pint-glasses, etched with their last initial

Their registry was decimated, so that was out.
Mom and Auntie already got them a high-end knife set for her shower.
The bowl idea didn't look quite right with the (already purchased) items on their registry.
I'm unemployed, so $100 was a bit steep.

I happen to have a case of pint glasses, purchased for something else, so that's what they're getting!

Thanks for all the input!

[Missy Vixen]

47. NICE gift

Those will get a lot of use!

I hope the wedding is lovely, and they enjoy the new glasses!

:woohoo:

[SoCalDem]

49. Good idea.. something you already have and with an added feature.perfect

:)

[mikeytherat]

50. Go with the etched bowl. Maybe they'll regift it, and give someone like me a good story!

True story:

One wedding gift Mrs. Rat and I (married 20 years this October) received was a beautiful silver picture frame. Unfortunately for the original recipients, they never took it out of the box, because it was engraved with their names, their wedding date, and a special quote just for them!

mikey_the_rat

[Phentex]

51. Ouch! I thanked someone for the lovely tablecloth which I did not remove

from the beautiful box for a few years. When I did decide our meal was special enough to use the fancy tablecloth, I opened it to find two beautiful pillowcases. Oops! :blush:

[pengillian101]

52. Ha!

Same thing with us. I don't recall the details though, but we laughed ourselves silly!

It was SO a re-gift! Now I recall, it had the original card to the other folks still in the box!

So what, re-gifting is just fine by me. :-)