"People, they're the worst" and other Seinfeld quotes...

[Bennyboy]

Joyboy!

[Bennyboy]

1. "He took, it, out"

[Mad_Dem_X]

10. "That can't be!" "Oh, it be."

[Bennyboy]

2. "I'd rather be dating the blind.

You know, you could let the house go. You could let yourself go. A good looking blind woman doesn't even know you're not good enough for her."
"I think she'd figure it out."
- George and Elaine, in "The Wink"

[rug]

3. "Women don't respect salad eaters."

[Bennyboy]

4. So, what you are saying is

that ninety to ninety-five percent of the population is undateable?"
"Undateable!"
"Then how are all these people getting together?"
"Alcohol."

[Drunken Irishman]

5. I posted that quote on a forum picture thread and was banned...

:(

[miscsoc]

12. "He's an importer/exporter"

[Bennyboy]

6. "You should've seen her face.

It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist."

[Orrex]

7. Not a quote, but an exchange

Jerry: Men have to do it. It's part of our lifestyle. It's like shaving.

Elaine: Oh, that is such baloney! I shave my legs.

Krame: Not every day.

[Bennyboy]

8. "It's like a sauna in here."

- Kramer, sitting in a sauna, in "The Implant"

[Bennyboy]

9. "A relationship is an organism.

You created this thing and then you starved it, so it turned against you. Same thing happened to the Blob."
- Jerry, in "The Ex-Girlfriend"

[miscsoc]

11. "Before we go any further, I'd just like to point out how disturbing it is that you equate eating a"

block of cheese with some sort of bachelor paradise

[Dr Morbius]

13. No soup for you. (nt)

[Dr. Strange]

14. A hole in one!

[Bennyboy]

15. "There's gotta be more to life than this. What gives you pleasure?

"Listening to you. I listen to this for fifteen minutes and I'm on top of the world. Your misery is my pleasure."
- George and Jerry, in "The Old Man"

[Bennyboy]

16. "I would like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body. (N/T)

[Crystal Clarity]

17. "It's not a pick!"

But hey.... "Not that there is anything wrong with that!"

[Bennyboy]

18. "And you want to be my latex salesman." (NT)

[Capn Sunshine]

19. "Have you been to the DMV? It's like a leper colony"

[Bennyboy]

20. "So, it's a two-bedroom one-bath make-your-friends-hate-ya?" (NT)

[Bennyboy]

21. Kramer: "No doctors for me.

A bunch of lackeys and yes-men all towing the company line. Plus, they botched my vasectomy."

Jerry: "They botched it?"

Kramer:"I'm even more potent now!"

[Richardo]

22. "I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."

Elaine's best line.

[Bennyboy]

23. "Ahoy, Mr. Eldridge. I understand you were on the Andrea Doria."

"Yes, it was a terrifying ordeal."
"I tell ya, I hear people really stuff themselves on those cruise ships. The buffet, that's the real ordeal, huh, Clarence?"
"We had to abandon ship."
"Well, all vacations have to end eventually."
"The boat sank."
"According to this, it took ten hours. It eased into the water like an old man into a nice warm bath, no offense."

[Bennyboy]

24. "Even if he did suffer, that was, like, forty years ago!

What has he been doing lately? I've been suffering for the past thirty years up to and including yesterday!"

[Bennyboy]

25. "I think it moved." (NT)

[Bennyboy]

26. "Why can't Joe DiMaggio have a donut like everyone else?"

see bugs ya now doesn't it leftyfingerpop?

[Bennyboy]

27. "Cherish the cabin."

[flvegan]

28. "So...you're the assman."

"One in a million shot, doc. One in a million."

[Gidney N Cloyd]

29. Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun, you don't stare at it. It's too risky.

JERRY: Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun, you don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

GEORGE: All right. So, he caught me in a cleavage peek, so big deal. Who wouldn't look at his daughter's cleavage? She's got nice cleavage.

JERRY: That's why I poked.

GEORGE: That's why I peeked.

[Bennyboy]

30. Produce section. Very provocative area.

A lot of melons and shapes. Everyone's squeezing and smelling..."

[Bennyboy]

31. "Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint?

It's chocolate, it's peppermint -- it's delicious!"

[SoxFan]

32. I WAS IN THE POOL!

[Bennyboy]

33. "Do you ever yearn?" (NT)

[Bennyboy]

34. "I gotta get some new friends."

[Bennyboy]

35. "Hey Kramer, have you ever killed a man?!"

"What do you think Junior? You think these hands - they've been soaking in Ivory Liquid?"
- Punk dude and Kramer, in "The Keys"

[Bennyboy]

36. "I always get the feeling that when lesbians look at me,

they're thinking, 'That's why I'm not a heterosexual.'"

[Bennyboy]

37. "I'm not a lesbian.

I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian!" Elaine

[hibbing]

38. Once in a million shot doc, once in a million shot!

Hey,
Loved that show.

Peace

[Bennyboy]

39. "To a woman, sex is like the garbage man.

You just take for granted the fact that any time you put some trash out on the street, a guy in a jumpsuit's gonna come along and pick it up. But now, it's like a garbage strike. The bags are piling up in your head. The sidewalk is blocked. Nothing's getting through. You're stupid."

[Bennyboy]

40. "I always knew that after I became a doctor,

I would dump whoever I was with and find someone better. That's the dream of becoming a doctor."

[Bennyboy]

41. "You know, I've been issued a public urination pass by the city

because of my condition. Unfortunately, my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. Him and his friends are probably peeing all over the place."

[Bennyboy]

42. "Maybe the dingo ate your baby."

[Bennyboy]

43. Jerry, just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it.

[Initech]

44. Kramer: Here's to feeling good all the time!

[Bennyboy]

45. The Jerk store called and they are running out of you!

[Bennyboy]

46. I gotta tell you, you are the complete opposite of every applicant we've seen.

Mr. Steinbrenner, sir. There's someone here I'd like you to meet. This is Mr. Costanza. He is one of the applicants.

George Steinbrenner: Nice to meet you.

George Costanza: Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years, you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego.

George Steinbrenner: Hire this man!

[Blue_Tires]

50. thanks...the Steinbrenner scenes are my favorite

[Odin2005]

47. You idiot! "Coffee" means "Sex"!!!

[Lindsey]

48. No more soup for you. The Soup Nazi. n/t

[Mad_Dem_X]

49. "I'm out there, Jerry. I'm out there, and I'm LOVIN' IT!"

[pokerfan]

51. It's the financial equivalent of a full rectal examination

(referring to an IRS audit)

[betharina]

52. By the way, they're real, and they're spectacular! nt.

[Touchdown]

53. Hey Poppy! What do YOU... think about abortion?

:rofl:

[Bennyboy]

54. "I gotta lotta problems with you people".... F rank Costanza...

[Bennyboy]

55. Morty: "Hello?"

Voice: This is Frank Costanza.

Morty: What do you want?

Frank: You think you could keep us out of Florida? We're moving in lock, stock and barrel. We're gonna be in the pool. We're gonna be in the clubhouse.

We're gonna be all over that shuffleboard court! And I dare you to keep me out!

[KamaAina]

56. Dolores!

:evilgrin:

[Bennyboy]

61. "Mulva?"

[pokerfan]

62. Bovary?

[Bennyboy]

93. Gipple?

[pokerfan]

98. Loleola!

[Auggie]

57. "Fruit is a gamble."

[Richardo]

58. "We begin Festivus with: The Airing of Grievances"

[pokerfan]

63. I got a lot of problems with you people!

[JBoy]

59. Cartwright! Cartwright!

[NewJeffCT]

60. Not that there's anything wrong with that

One that came to mind for me

[pokerfan]

64. SERENITY NOW!

Hoochie-mama!

[pokerfan]

65. Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep-fried in chocolate sauce!

Newman: I love broccoli. It's... good for you.
Jerry: Then maybe you'd like to try a piece?
Newman: Gladly. (Chews broccoli, then spits it out.) VILE WEED!

[Bennyboy]

66. "Did you see the way she was looking at me?"

"Did you see the way she was looking at me?"
"She's a Nazi, George, a Nazi!"
"I know, I know. Kind of a cute Nazi, though."

[Bennyboy]

67. And the peat...aaah, the peat!"

[Bennyboy]

68. "They can't shoot us in the city."

"Naah, no one's ever been shot in the city."

[musette_sf]

69. These pretzels are making me thirsty

[musette_sf]

70. Do women know about shrinkage?

[musette_sf]

71. Well, I am just a t-bone kinda guy.

[musette_sf]

72. You stole my Jesus fish, didn't ya?!

[Bennyboy]

73. "Kramer goes to a fantasy camp.

His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down two-thousand dollars to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors, and have sex without dating. *That's* a fantasy camp!"

[musette_sf]

74. Feels like an Arby's night.

[musette_sf]

75. Swarm! Swarm!

[musette_sf]

76. More wine and turkey?

[musette_sf]

77. Beef-A-Reeno? You fed the horse Beef-A-Reeno?!

[Bennyboy]

78. "Would it kill you not to be so funny all the time?

That's all I'm askin'. This woman thinks I'm very funny and now you're gonna be funny, so what am I gonna be? I'm gonna be a short bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn't seem so funny."

[musette_sf]

79. ...there's no such thing as the Human Fund.

[musette_sf]

80. I'm a bootlegger.

[musette_sf]

81. You look like the Count of Monte Cristo!

[musette_sf]

82. Gack. Party of four.

[Bennyboy]

83. "Oh, Jerry you know I always wanted to pretnd to be an architect!"

[musette_sf]

84. I'll tell the maitre'd it'll just be the three bulls.

[musette_sf]

85. Bacterial Meningitis. Jackpot!

[Bennyboy]

86. "Well, birthdays are merely symbolic

of how another year's gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing."

[musette_sf]

87. Did you know that rabbis are allowed to date?

[musette_sf]

88. You're friends with the urinator, aren't you?

[lost-in-nj]

89. sorry but Seinfeld

sucked....


every episode was the same thing

over and over

in monotone

the ending was worthless


yeah I went there



lost

[Bennyboy]

90. "Toasting makes me uncomfortable.

But toast I love. Never start the day without a good piece of toast. In fact, let's toast to toast

[Bennyboy]

91. "Do you ever laugh?"

"Not really. Sometimes when I'm in the tub..."
"That's so sad. What do you do?"
"I'm a comedian."

[Bennyboy]

92. "I gotta get on that Internet. I'm late on everything." NT

[Bennyboy]

94. "Don't you see what Whatley is after?

Total joke-telling immunity! He's already got the big two religions covered. If he ever gets Polish citizenship, there'll be no stopping him."

[Bennyboy]

95. "But you yada yada'd over the best part."

"No, I mentioned the bisque."

[Bennyboy]

96. "I wanted to talk to you about Dr. Whatley.

I have a suspicion that he's converted to Judaism purely for the jokes."
"And this offends you as a Jewish person?"
"No, it offends me as a comedian."

[pokerfan]

97. You're a rabid anti-dentite!

KRAMER: Oh, it starts with a few jokes and some slurs. "Hey, denty!" Next thing you know you're saying they should have their own schools.
JERRY: They do have their own schools!