My judgmental little prick of a cousin in law...

[Drunken Irishman]

I guess that's what you call 'em when your cousin marries someone?

Well my aunt who lives in Texas came up here for a wedding and brought her daughter, her son in law and grandson.

She has been married to this one guy for years, but the marriage went south last year because the emotional abuse from him took its toll. Eventually, they both filed for divorce and are essentially in the process.

Anyway, during this mess, a former HS lover of hers found her on FB and hit her up. They began talking and found out they were going to be in Salt Lake City at the same time. So they made plans to meet up and have dinner. You know, get caught up.

Well they all come out for the wedding and toward the end of the vacation, my aunt goes on a date with this guy. She brings him over to the hotel they're all staying at to meet her daughter and her son in law. Except the son in law, who is deeply religious and doesn't believe she should be stepping out on her soon-to-be ex husband, stays in the bathroom the entire time. He certainly made his opinion known.

It was extremely awkward and his wife, my cousin, did nothing to stop it. Just let him stay in the bathroom while this guy was over at their hotel room.

But he doesn't like she's seeing him on this trip because A) she's legally still married to an asshole and B) he doesn't believe in divorce.

She's a sinner in his eyes and he won't take part in any of it.

The kicker? My cousin was knocked up before they got married. Yes. Mr. Righteous had premarital sex.

What a hypocritical tool.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Drunken Irishman!

I'd bet if you confronted him now on his premarital sex, that he'd get all defensive on you. He's got religion now, and anyone who strays from his view of the right path is a SINNER.

Give me a fucking break.

:eyes:

I wish your Aunt much joy!

:hi:

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

21. Nooooo! Don't confront him about the premarital sex.

He'll just get all weepy and blubbery and sobby and go all Jimmy Swaggart on you. Gack! Who needs all that drama?

Just have Cal Peg call him and lay a few F-bombs on him.

:hi:

[MiddleFingerMom]

2. I don't see this one for several reasons...

.
Culturally (and from personal experience, I know this is strong --
ahem -- in Irish Catholic culture), premarital sex is 'forgiven' if
and when the couple marries. Divorce is pretty much eternally
unforgivable -- and to a lesser extent, so is 'adultery' (dating
while still married CAN be construed as 'abstinent adultery' --
'cheating', of sorts).
.
I don't believe in any of that, but it IS something to consider if
you're going to judge behavior. Crappy attitude, but it almost
surely wasn't given birth spontaneously within this guy.
.
Maybe more importantly, even if this guy is an asshole (ESPECIALLY
so??), he seems to have had the -- let's call it 'decency' -- to simply
avoid what was abhorrent to him, instead of making a bad situation
(to and for him) much worse for everyone involved.
.
.
Again, almost certainly a jerk -- but not because of this. I think
just maybe he proved himself not to be a TOTAL jerk.
.
.
.
"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all...
and if you can't NOT say anything at all -- just go away."
.

[Drunken Irishman]

3. Well they're not Catholic.

My aunt left the Catholic Church years ago. Her daughter and son in law go to this other church that holds a belief women are caregivers and should be indebted to their husband.

I get what you're saying. However, judging is judging - regardless of the sin.

And I disagree. I think he made it worse by holing himself up in the bathroom. The polite thing to do was meet the man and go with the flow.

[MiddleFingerMom]

7. Didn't say he wasn't an asshole (nor did I say he was Catholic)...

.
.
.
...my point was that maybe he chose pragmatic over polite.
.
.
I'm generally a pretty easy-going polite guy (HUSH, Kali)... but
there are some people with whom I wouldn't trust myself to
socialize for ten minutes... knowing that more than likely, within
that time frame, I would allow my opinions/impressions/feelings
to come out and I'd be telling that person to go fuck him/herself.
.
Nine times outta ten, I'll lock myself in a bathroom before
subjecting everyone ELSE to that.
.
Whether I was justified OR a hypocritical judgmental fuck,
the OTHER people present would almost certainly not deserve
that kind of scene.
.
.
.
.
.
.
(knock-knock-knock) MiddleFingerMom... you comin' out and
joining the rest of us?
.
.
.
.
.
GO 'WAY!!!! 'BAITIN'!!!!!!!!!
.

[Drunken Irishman]

9. Na'.

I completely disagree with you because I think it's absolutely rude to lock yourself in the bathroom for two hours while your mother in law brings over a FRIEND. Nothing more than that. Just a friend. Ain't like they're in a relationship or lovers. They were at one point. But right now? He lives on the west coast and she lives in Texas. Nothing more than friends getting together.

He had to go and judge the situation by locking himself in the bathroom. Which made everyone else uneasy because of it.

As for your suggestion of having difficulty handling yourself in front of something you'd like to tell off - well that's the problem. I see nothing in this situation that warrants that type of response. The guy was rude. He didn't even meet the man. Instead, he made an assumption and was too petty to do the polite and right thing.

It isn't like she's asking him to come watch over them while they fuck.

[MiddleFingerMom]

11. You're absolutely right,

[Drunken Irishman]

12. My feelings are this...

I've known the guy for three years. Generally, he's a pretty okay fellow. We get along fine when he's here. But I know his political and religious feelings. He's very conservative and very anti-Catholic.

It'd seem we probably could not get along. I am a very blunt person who likes to debate and argue. But when I'm around him, I don't bring up politics and I generally ignore religious discussion out of respect for my aunt. I don't want to start a fight or make anyone uncomfortable.

But isn't that life? There are people, certainly, we can't tolerate. No amount of keeping quiet or being on your best behavior is going to allow you what it takes to tolerate these people.

In that instance, you're right. It's best to remove yourself from the situation.

Yet we've been given some self control and we're supposed to use it as best fit.

This situation, IMO, was one of those instances. If he felt uncomfortable, well that sucks for him. But he could have been polite enough to introduce himself and wait it out. That's what we do in situations like that.

Here is an example on my end.

One of my other cousins five years ago was in a relationship with a drunk. He abused her verbally and emotionally and just was not a very good guy. She was also pregnant by him. During the pregnancy, they had moved in together with intentions of getting married. Well one night, he got wasted and started World War III. It was so bad she called her mom and her brothers and my other aunt (who lived a few streets over) came over to make sure she was all right.

That one aunt who lived close to her held her other daughter (who was maybe three) and the dude shook up a can of beer and opened it on them. Just totally classless.

Well they split up. Five years go by and he's in and out of jail. Well around January, he gets out again and my cousin starts up a relationship with him again. He said he changed, but we family said this was going to end badly. We didn't like the guy because of what he did the first time around.

You know what, though? We toughened it out. Whenever we had parties at my aunt's house, he was there. We'd talk to him if he talked to us - even if we were uncomfortable with the situation. WE did it because we didn't want to cause trouble.

Well eventually he went off the deep end again and now they're probably done for good.

But that's just how it is. We tolerated him, even though all of us wanted him out of our lives because of what he had done five years earlier and because we were convinced he'd do it again (he did).

That's what you do for your family. It isn't easy, but it's what you do.

The fact he felt he was too good for that situation really irks me because my aunt was not judgmental at all when her daughter came to her and said she was pregnant at the age of 19. My aunt supported her, even though she did not like the fact her own daughter was having sex out of marriage.

But again, that's what families do.

[Darth_Kitten]

17. Well, families shouldn't forgive drunks whenever there are children involved.

Who would go back to such a louse? I pity the children, nobody seems to have been looking out for their interests.

[Drunken Irishman]

19. We didn't forgive...

But we felt tied. Luckily it ended before anyone really got hurt.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

4. Good thing that "judgmental" thang passed YOU by, eh?

:P

[Drunken Irishman]

6. I only judge when someone else judges. ;)

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

8. I have a nicely shaped stone here just for you.

Feel free to cast it at your convenience.

:evilgrin:

[Drunken Irishman]

10. I don't throw stones...

I just call it like I see it.

Rude people are pricks. :)

[BlueJazz]

5. I wish your Aunt all the happiness in the World and I also wish your Cousin-in-law..

...a good ass-whippin'. :) :)

[Darth_Kitten]

18. Cousin shouldn't have allowed her own mother to be so disrespected.

n/t

[Biker13]

13. Maybe I'm Reading This Wrong...

but shouldn't we be GLAD he spent all that time in the bathroom?!

I'm mean really, would you rather he be hanging out with you guys?

Personally, I would have called room service and ordered Pay-Per-View, and made him spend the night in there!

Biker's Old Lady

[MiddleFingerMom]

14. Pizza delivery.

.
And order an extra one to put JUST outside the bathroom door,
just for the smell of it.
.
.
.
Who's that wafffffffting at my door?
Who's that wafffffffting at my door?
Who's that wafffffffting at my door?
Said the fair young maiden.
.

[Deep13]

15. Religious intolerance of others and hypocrisy just go together. nt

[Kat45]

16. I hope nobody had to go to the bathroom during that time. n/t

[davsand]

20. I think you all got off lucky that he stayed in the bathroom all night.

If he'd been out there lecturing (or worse yet SERMONIZING) it could have been a lot less congenial. As it is, the friend walked away thinking the SIL is an ass, but no really serious damage got done.


YMMV, but yeah, the SIL is a toad, but you may have really dodged a bullet.




Laura