When you post something on DU or any other message board

[lost-in-nj]

asking advice or asking a question pertaining to something personal do you expect all warm and fuzzy answers? or are you ok with some blunt truths....

if I posted a picture and asked if these pants made me look fat I would expect blunt truths along with the warm and fuzzies....

why ask if you can't take the good with the bad??

just wondering what any of you think about this...

had a situation on another message board and it got me to thinking....


thanks


lost

[TZ]

1. Oh I expect some harsh comments and I always want the truth.

. But if someone goes out of their way just to be insulting and rude (and we all know there are plenty of those types on the internets) I'm not going to sit back and take it. If I think someone's just being honest, I'm fine with that, even if it might hurt my ego alittle.

[lost-in-nj]

3. I agree

and usually on message boards you know who the rude people are as opposed to the ones who's opinions you know to be "real" so to speak....



lost

[MiddleFingerMom]

2. And you have to know there are people out here...

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...who are simply going to take a jab at and for teh funnah.
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As in:
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Those pants don't make you look fat.
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That fat ass makes you look fat.
.
.
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Whether there's a fat ass on the table (so to speak) or not.
.
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Not me, mind you.
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But SOMEBODY would.
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[lost-in-nj]

4. you are right

there are some people out there that would do it...


I wouldn't do that either.....


lost

[av8rdave]

5. If all I want are compliments, I won't post

If that isn't pushing the easy button, I don't know what is.

[petronius]

6. If I posted something personal here, I think it would be partly because I

wanted those harsh honest answers - probably because the people close to me were being kind. However, I would know going in that there would be a whole bunch of irrational, useless, cruel, silly, or humorous comments as well, and I'd need to sort out and discard those...

[MiddleFingerMom]

7. My poetry professor in college...

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...was one of the BEST profs I had. He and I didn't always
agree on things, but he was an INCREDIBLE teacher.
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Ironically, he HATED teaching. He resented it fiercely
because it was something he HAD to do to pay the bills.
Though he was moderately successful as a commercial poet,
in this country -- that ain't much.
.
During the second class of the first poetry workshop I
took with him, he had us bring in a couple examples of
our work to be critiqued by our peers.
.
Nobody... NOBODY wanted to be critical.
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It was the equivalent of "Your poem has a nice beat and
you can dance to it."
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He KNEW this was gonna happen. He let it go on for a
while before going on a VERY serious rant about our
"politeness".It ended with this important and extremely
valuable point -- "IF YOU JUST WANT SOMEONE TO
TELL YOU THAT YOUR POETRY IS WONDERFUL... SHOW
IT TO YER MOM!!!!!"
.
We got to work... not cruel, but critical.
.
.
.
.
He turned out a number of exceptional undergrad poets,
MANY of whom were accepted in MFA programs and won
(or placed highly) in national collegiate poetry contests.
.
.
.
So... if you just want someone to tell you that you're "wonderful"...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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...go ask yer mom.
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And NOT the one with a propensity towards the center digit.
.

[auntAgonist]

8. +1 Wish I could recommend this

:)

[lizziegrace]

12. So do I

+2

[CreekDog]

13. I agree with everything you said except the part about "show it to your mom"

eh. what if your mom is more the "Bob and Ray" type? :rofl:

[auntAgonist]

9. I don't ask for advice. I have however

asked for vibes.

Some comments can be very helpful and others can be so cruel. When it comes right down to it I want people who really know me and care about me and know all of the other details that I might leave out on a msg board, to help and advise as needed.


:)

aA
kesha

[SoxFan]

10. I expect to get insulted elsewhere

I have an online stalker (his name is Joe Levasseur) who takes my Lounge posts and either reposts them on another site or reads them out of context on a cable television show.

Yes, really.

[Ikonoklast]

11. I remember that guy.

Yep, he's a loon.

[LanternWaste]

14. I'm an eternal optimist...

I'm ever the eternal optimist... Truth tempered with civility. Honesty served with a side of dignity-- for both the server and the served. etc.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

15. it depends. sometimes people are cruel just to be cruel.

ex: if i ask you "do these pants make me look fat", you could say "yes/no/these are not the best fit" etc. however there are some here who delight in saying "yes, its because you are fat" or if they dont have the courage to do that, they post on other boards saying that. so yes, i dont expect warm & fuzzy but i am tired of the trashy and cruel element on du as well.

[CreekDog]

16. i try to remind myself that people can only read my words, not my mind

if i don't express myself well, i don't fault them for not getting what i meant.

if i do express myself well but they won't read, then i fault them for that.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

17. It depends entirely upon the messageboard.

But as a general rule, you should never ever expect anything nice on the internet. Nor should you even want it.

[Dr Morbius]

18. There are open message boards and closed message boards.

I have posted somewhat personal stuff on a MB of the latter kind, and I had every reason to expect those folks - few in number and all known to me, at least virtually - to respond with sensitivity, which they did. However, posting personal info or the story of a personal tragedy on an open and heavily populated MB like DU means one cannot know what to expect. Practically anyone can (and does) post here; I submit it's beyond argument that we get all kinds here!

So, what i'm saying is that if one does not want to hear harsh criticism, one should not post personal stuff on an open MB like DU. Good folk, of which there are plenty here, will be cool and sensitive. Less kind folk, who are also present to varying degrees, will be mean and destructive. You have to expect the bad with the good considering the substantial population here, and the open nature of the board itself.

However, there are numerous private message boards; you could create one yourself, I bet, and then you get to decide who can read and/or respond. And then you have a reasonable expectation of courtesy.

For myself, I'll try to be nice most of the time. Honest, I will. :)

[MrScorpio]

19. My standard answer to "Do these pants make me look fat?" is...

"No... You don't need any help in that department."

That usually stops people from asking me that dumb question from then on.

[In_The_Wind]

20. warm & fuzzy

would be nice


but more often than not ~
there'll be a few too blunt answers among those who've never met in real time

[Orrex]

21. If I don't get harsh answers than I feel that I haven't worked hard enough to ostracize people.

[TZ]

22. Now see

That just illustrates how correct your sigline is!:rofl: Part of me wants your title as a sigline though