Do we have any perfectionists here?

[Tobin S.]

I'm not talking about people who think they are perfect. I'm talking about those who strive for perfection, but often fall short (like most humans) and then take it out on themselves for not being good enough.

It just occurred to me after I posted my "Self Doubt" thread that I might be a perfectionist of some sort. I've tried to make my life perfect and it hasn't worked out, nor will it. I can't take back past mistakes. I can't make people love me. I can't cure this mental illness. And I obsess about all of that making myself very uncomfortable at times.

Here's an article about perfectionism:

http://hubpages.com/hub/Perfectionism-misconceptions

[seabeyond]

1. i know, for a fact, i am ... perfectly imperfect.

i use to be. caused all kinds of problems in life. slowly let it go thru the 20's. got rid of it all about 40. and damn, if life isnt good and imperfection beautiful in its own right.

[Tobin S.]

3. It's good that you've got it worked out.

Was there a defining moment where you knew things had changed? An epiphany or something like that?

[seabeyond]

5. yes. difinitely and absolutely. lol. nt

[Tobin S.]

6. Can you elaborate or is that too personal?

[seabeyond]

9. no way in HELL i would discuss on du, lol lol. ah ha....

but

[Tobin S.]

10. Thanks

;)

[MissMillie]

2. wow... this post hits a note w/ me today

I was just about to post a thought about wanting to do something a bit drastic to change my looks.

I'm not sure that I can honestly say that it's about perfection. Maybe it's about vanity.

I lost a ton of weight. Now I've got loose flabby skin that I'd like to have removed. Oh, and I didn't really lose any breasts and I'd like to have them reduced so that I can have a top that matches my bottom.

So, it'd be a tummy tuck w/ lipo, lower body lift, breast reduction and a brachioplasty (arm lift).

I said when I had my gastric bypass that it wasn't about how I looked. It was about being healthy again.

But now that I'm down to a more normal weight, I might even be a more normal size if I got rid of all the skin.

And since I've gone through what I needed to go through to lose the weight, why the heck shouldn't I look amazing?

(There no way I afford all this. I may get my insurance to cover the tummy tuck, but the lipo, lifts and breast reduction... way too expensive. So I guess it's a mute point. But I wonder: am I vain to want it?)

[Tobin S.]

4. I think most people have at least a little amount of vanity

When I walk past windows or mirrors I sometimes can't resist looking at my reflection to see what I look like when I walk. :)

There is pressure on everyone to look a certain way, but I think that there is a lot more pressure on women in that regard.

[lunatica]

7. Perfectionist of the kind you describe usually welcome their mistakes

Because mistakes are your best friend when you want to continue striving. Great success usually comes from being courageous enough to make the mistakes that teach you. Science is predicated on the importance and value of mistakes.

[Tobin S.]

8. I think it can be a good thing to a certain extent

The article I have linked lists Hilary Clinton as a perfectionist and it's probably a big reason why she has been so successful in life. But you can take it too far and it becomes an exercise in futility. You end up defeating yourself instead of making yourself better.

[lunatica]

11. I think you're talking about two different things

Some people seek perfection in themselves because they fear imperfection. That's different than accepting imperfection with the idea of simply learning from your mistakes. Some people fear making the mistakes so much that they won't do anything. Then they feel bad about themselves because they're constantly at war with a part of themselves that doesn't add up to their ideal.

[Tobin S.]

13. It's the same thing taken to varying degrees

Two beers a day is good for your heart. A twelve pack a day will ruin and then shorten your life. Same idea. I don't think being immobilized due to fear of making mistakes is the same thing as perfectionism.

[JitterbugPerfume]

12. I have a sister who is a perfectionist

ans she is one of the most miserable people I know

[Deep13]

14. Depends what it is.

I'm greatly concerned about detail if it is something I care about.