HuffPo Comedy "How To Survive The Apocalypse: Some Things You Need To Know Before The World Ends"

[greenmutha]

by Jason Linkins
Editor of "Eat The Press"

<snipped intro to comply with posting rules>

See, at some point in the future, you will inevitably find yourself in the middle of an electromagnetic pulse attack, or a dirty bomb detonation, or thermonuclear war, or terrorist-delivered smallpox attack. THIS IS JUST LIFE, NO ONE DENIES THIS! What are you going to do, when you and the last vestiges of society have to embark on a hardscrabble struggle to perpetuate the human race. If you're like me, and you recognize the fact that your Master of Fine Arts degree and your talent for writing dick jokes about politics are superfluous to society's needs, you will probably just take one for the human race and agree to be culled from the survivors. Hopefully it will be quick and painless, and people will remember your sacrifice fondly!

But if you want to outlive and outsmart and outlast the rampaging cannibal hordes of mutants that will be scavenging the landscape, seeking to suck the sweet, sweet marrow out of your bones, you are going to need some help. Unfortunately, all this guy Bob Livingston can offer you are potassium iodide tablets and bicycles and "victory" gardens and "Amish alternatives to high-tech living." And I say, nuts to that! We can do a lot better.

Seriously, in the event of the total collapse of civilization, do you really want to be tooling around on your fixie, growing radishes and living like the Amish? No, you are going to want to RUN THIS SHIT. So, here's what we suggest to get to gathering:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/17/how-to-survive-the-apocal_n_540940.html