I'm almost divorced. Any advice? I know about that fish site,

[babylonsister]

but what's up with other ones? Do you pay to play? Seems weird to me, but I'm again a newbie at my advanced age. 54. Sigh.

My dad's cousin met someone online and is in love. Hope!

I'm going to keep on being optimistic.

I hope!

[RushIsRot]

1. I briefly looked into Plenty of Fish. Guess I didn't have the right bait.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear babylonsister...

Aw, sweetie...

I can't help you with websites, but I can give you a hug...

Here: :hug: :hug:

My daughter met her SO on a dating website. We LOVE him! She had been divorced too...

I'm hoping for a great outcome for you...

:pals:

[babylonsister]

4. Peggy, your hugs give me heart. Thank you.

This whole thing is overwhelming. I love you for making me feel better. :hug: :pals:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. Anytime you need me, just let me know!

You are an important and cool person...

Glad I can help you feel better!

:pals: :hug:

[babylonsister]

6. I will keep that in mind while I go through the

the stuff I have to do independently after 28 years of married life.

I'm hurting, but it's so nice to have pals here. :pals:

[RushIsRot]

3. I have met some very good friends through OKCupid.

You actually take tests and get matched with those who are closest in agreement with your philosophies.
I wasn't in the market for a new SO, but I do value additional friendships.
www.okcupid.com/

I wish you good hunting.

[DarkTirade]

13. I second OKCupid.

Best free site I've found out there, IMO.

[Dystopian]

7. I know these sites...

Saw your post earlier....

Recently met a stalker, then a conservative liar....
The stalker wasn't dangerous...just obsessed....

Try the OkCupid site as mentioned...much better website with great features!

What I learned the hard way through the years:
Don't ever break your own rules on types of men...background, profession, age, etc.
Beware negative statements such as 'I'm not a player, so if you are, look elsewhere'
'If you're into head games...move along, etc.'
The negative statements tell more about him than he knows....They don't realize that we can read between the lines.
I'm sure you have good intuition, I thought I did...I'm old enough to know better, but yet I broke my own rules a few times. Not good.

You're not at an advanced age...I'm 58...and won't let the bad outweigh the good on this one.
I may sound like I'm male-bashing, not, but the internet is filled with posers...both genders, to be fair.
And there are 'real' men out there....I've met a few...just didn't click.

An amazing man just got lucky and found my dearest friend...
It can be fun...just the socializing part...and you may find a beautiful heart of gold....
I might, too....

This is the beginning of a new life...I wish you the best...
Good luck!

peace~

[abq e streeter]

8. Same age as you ,and agree 100% about the negativity being a great big red flag

I am on match and OK Cupid ( and same age as you, exactly)... have barely done anything though. Met one woman from match who was cool, but lives 80 miles away, and I set the bar pretty high if they live more than about a half hour away. Also contacted one on OKC who never replied. But yeah, a LOT of women also have those same negative messages you had seen and I never consider them for a second. I don't know however about the "never break your own rules" re: profession, age etc though.....A lot of women that I see on those sites have real rigid preconceptions about only wanting a "professional" with a good income etc. and wouldn't consider some nice, intelligent blue collar type guy that might be a great match for them. So I would say to Babylon Sister that breaking your "rules" about the type you're looking for might lead to meeting someone wonderful that you never thought you'd ever consider. But that other warning re: the negative stuff: absolutely a huge red flag. And yeah, I met some creepy women the last go-round on match a few years ago. Alcoholics, etc.... And I wouldn't be surprised if there is an even higher percentage of creepy men than women on those sites...
I wish both you and Babylon Sister the best...

[Dystopian]

10. You made me smile.....

And best wishes to you also:hug:
I guess I wasn't clear on the profession 'rule'....
I'm still living in the 60s...so would not consider anyone who is into big bucks, business, or all about money. And my profile indicated that I wasn't into materialism ....A guy sitting in front of his sports car in a suit would be an instant visual turn off. I'm certain that there are many with comfortable lifestyles, but flaunting it is ugly. I just want to go with the flow....

And then there are the old guys with no shirts! Good grief....:o
peace~

[abq e streeter]

11. Thanks for the clarification on your angle on "profession" etc... right there with you

P.S. I was an old guy with no shirt a couple of hours ago. Looked in the mirror. Hate to say it, but GOOD GRIEF is right.:rofl:

[velvet]

12. saw a profile photo recently

Showed an old guy round my age in a singlet. Yet in his profile he states he wants to meet "a woman who is well groomed, as I am well-groomed." Nothing in his profile indicated this might be meant to be humour, but it sure made me laugh. I'll give him this - it did look like a clean singlet.

Edited to clarify: Perhaps in the US you call it a vest. Anyway whatever you call it, it's underwear. This on a rather "proper" dating site, not one of those flesh-in-your-face places.

[struggle4progress]

9. My advice, simply based on my personal impressions of other people:

(1) Don't be desperate. Get off the internet some and try to meet real people in real settings. Break old habits. Explore a bit and find five or six completely different things you really like to do. I don't know what those things might be: day hiking? volunteering with children? paying attention to the city council? playing bridge? attending folk music festivals? building house with habitat for humanity? whatever ... The object is to expand your horizons, meet new people, practice being friendly, have some fun, and make some new friends. People who you really get along with, who aren't love interests, male or female, may well introduce you to more new people, who might be love interests

(2) Try very not to be bitter. Everybody I've ever met who divorced was hurt by it, even if they didn't think they were. It may take you a bit of time to recover. You might carry a bit of baggage for a while: I wouldn't have no idea exactly where or whatt it might be and wouldn't presume to guess about it -- but everything might go a bit smoother after you've given yourself a bit of a chance to drop some of it

[MilesColtrane]

14. No five day waiting period?

:hide:

[Wapsie B]

15. There's a saying that talks about not being able to get more

out of life until you're happy with what you have. That may seem simple but it's actually harder than it sounds. It certainly has been for me to a degree. But I've come to realize that I truly love living alone. I like the idea of being accountable to no one else for awhile.
I echo the sentiments of OkCupid but there's a place called DateHookUp that is very nice as well. And no it's not a flesh-peddling site like the name sounds but a general dating site just like Cupid or POF. Forums there are fun and insightful too.

[supernova]

16. I actually found more people on Plenty of Fish

that I would consider seriously dating. Found my new fiance there the first week!

I had been on OKCupid for about two years and nothing. For me at least, at lot of them were too young. I really didn't want to date 24 year olds. Met one guy of a more appropriate age who was nice enough, but we just didn't click. He reminded me of my sister. :P

There will be a lot of notes back and forth and maybe nothing. Don't let that worry you. They are self-selecting. It's kind of like dialing the radio. You are trying to find the ones who are playing your music. :P

Meeting someone for the first time, suggest meeting for coffee or lunch in broad daylight. A nice man will have no problem with that and may prefer it as well. And because it's such a short time, you both haven't lost anything if it doesn't go as well as you'd hoped. If it does go well, you get to anticipate your next meeting.

If you think you might like them and or the first date was so-so (you didn't hate it), give them three dates. That is a better opportunity to give someone who might be a little shy to come out to play. (Including me! :D) At least to give you a fuller impression of them.

I think it's better if you just get in the frame of mind of going out and having a good time as opposed to looking for someone. Be happy with your own company and consider the event a success if you enjoyed the company, the surroundings, and food.

My good surprise was the that ratio of jerks to nice guys was low. (It was a fear I had because of a previous marriage with a derranged person) I met one jerk and four nice guys before Mr Supernova showed up :loveya: So that's pretty good odds.

edit: I agree with previous posters. Stay away from people who have a lot of negative baggage about previous relationships. They haven't worked through their issues. Dittot if he has kids and has problems communicating with the mother.

[BurtWorm]

17. Do you have a Facebook account?

I do but don't use it because I have no interest in hooking up with people from college and high school, which seems to be what FB is all about. But if there is anyone from your past whom you're curious about, it's probably a good way to find them. Sometimes you find that people you were interested in then, or with whom you were involved then, are in similar straits. Those kinds of reunions can be amazingly powerful.

[crim son]

18. I've been on all the sites and have decided

I am not comfortable with the online thingy BUT POF had exactly the same guys on it as match.com or eharmony and it's entirely free. I have paid once for a match.com membership but when it expired I didn't bother to renew. I wish you luck. I'm almost 47, single and am losing my optimism!

[tigereye]

19. wish you the best Babylon sister!

[gmoney]

20. Don't bother with eHarmony.com

You take a "personality" test to sign up, and if you're at all liberal or athiest, they basically reject you, claiming nobody in their system would be compatible with you. (Because they reject anyone who MIGHT be.)

[muffin1]

22. I've heard that they're homophobic, as well.

No same-sex hook-ups allowed. :shrug:

[Bennyboy]

21. WELL I I HAVE TRIED THEM ALL...

And all have their benefits and drawbacks. But I am a little too out there for most people to deal with. And I am honest when I put something up too, I don't want any surprises and want to be as honest as possible with everyone. What is funny is that right wing Christian types read my profile and then flirt with me...that blows my mind.

That said I have had some good times dating but that really isn't my thing.

[tango-tee]

23. You're going through a rough patch right now.

After all these years of being married, it's not easy being "out there", on your own. As a matter of fact, it's pretty damn hard. I remember feeling like a snail without its shell. Naked and exposed.

Please give yourself time and don't try to force anything. There is no need to feel "coupled" again right away. It will happen when the time is right for you to trust and love again. Believe me, I know what you are going through and I'm sending you many loving, sisterly hugs. :hug:

[tandot]

24. I met my husband on Match.com almost 10 years ago

I was 37 and just divorced. We married 3 years ago and our son was born last year.

Also, his brother met his wife the same way and they've been married for over 7 years and have one child.

However, I had quite a few dates and some of them weren't as great. People are often very dishonest.

[Inchworm]

25. Hey sweet thang

wanna wrastle?

:rofl:

Good luck out there ;)

:hi:

[hippywife]

26. I met my husband just in a chat forum.

Was hanging out, talking to a bunch of people, having fun joking around. Then, after some weeks of that, we started talking just by ourselves. We'll be married 13 years this summer.

The most important thing, and some have hit on it here, is learning to be content with living by yourself. Enjoy your own life for a while after being married so long. Then if someone comes along, it's great because you're in a really good place mentally and emotionally. If it takes a while, then you are also having a great time just getting to know yourself again in the process.

:hug: