In a work environment, how do you respond when someone tells a racist, sexist, or homophobic joke?

[Orrex]

Especially when you don't know the attitudes of anyone else in the group?

For purposes of this question, I'm referring to people who are themselves racist, sexist, or homophobic telling such jokes.


If it were just me and the jokester, I'd be happy to get in his face and tell him what a bigoted asshole he is. But in mixed, uncertain company?


How to respond?

[MajorChode]

1. Turn them into HR immediately

As a manager, I'm required to do so or face disciple myself. It's a good policy, because that type of activity only leads to bigger problems in the workplace if they aren't quashed in the beginning. When they are away from the workplace, they can do what they want.

[Orrex]

3. A fine suggestion, but I have a follow-up question:

What do you do in the same situation but outside of the office, like at a "happy hour" after work? The same people are involved, with the same office politics, so...?

[MajorChode]

7. In general, no

What people do in their private time is generally their own business. If their behavior were so egregious that they were making the company look bad, or they were harassing another employee, then there would be exceptions. So the short answer is, if their behavior wasn't interfering with the business, they only have their own conscience to deal with.

[Forkboy]

2. I'm never in a work environment.

:P

It has happened in the past. At a small employer with just three of us I made it quite clear where I stood with a racist employee, and told the boss it was him or me. When the boss balked I walked.

Not everyone has that freedom though. The only one to suffer from my choice was going to be me. I had no wife or kids to worry about, just my own self respect. Made it a lot easier to take a stand than it would be for others with bills up to their asses and kids to feed.

[Hosnon]

4. I usually respond along these lines:

"Um, please don't assume that because I'm also white/male/straight that I think that's acceptable."

Usually followed by:

"Hey man, lighten up. It was just a joke."

[KamaAina]

5. Around here? I'd say "Nice to know you, asshole."

'Cause our director is a feminist and huge LGBT supporter who once lived on the South Side of Chicago. Anyone telling such a joke would be out of here so fast it would make clocks run backwards!

[bamacrat]

6. I would have an Officey response...

Something like: "Wow, that's inappropriate." In a Jim style voice.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

8. Icy stare, followed by "Why would you say something like that?"

I've only had to do this a couple of times, and they've always gotten the hint.

[Quantess]

9. I like that one the best so far.

[Rambis]

10. I would ask my co-worker but they have been asleep for a hour

what we always wanted in a receptionist

[hunter]

11. I take out my phaser and start to fiddle with the power settings.

Do I set it to stun, kill, or full molecular dispersion? There's no mess to clean up if you simply vaporize 'em. 21st century forensic science can't even detect the residue.

"Nah, I dunno where he went, he was here a minute ago..."

But before I pull the trigger, I'll usually say something blunt like "That's not funny," or "Don't be an asshole."

It's astonishing how easy it is to deflate a racist, sexist, homophobe with a few simple words.

[Kutjara]

12. It's a bit easier for me.

First, I work in a very diverse office, located in a part of town with large gay community. I don't think any of us in the office are in the majority, either by race, sexual preference, or gender (although we might have one or two more men than women at the moment). In this environment, the issue of people making bigoted jokes just doesn't arise. Secondly, I'm the boss and anyone who did would be looking for a new job instantly.

To answer your follow-up question, I don't associate with people who think such jokes are funny.

[tango-tee]

13. I've reacted inappropriately at work

by completely flying off the handle and telling that person off in no uncertain terms and at pretty high volume. Haven't had the chance to try a more measured and mature approach on the job - perhaps because word of that episode spread?

What I've found works quite well in my personal life is a long, icy stare. Raised eyebrows. Hold eye contact until that person looks away.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

14. LOL. one of the advantages of being an out gay women of color, is that people

tend to not tellyou these jokes. somehow they know you wont be amused.

but i would say roll your eyes and shake your head :)

[Orrex]

15. All of you out gay women of color get all the breaks!

Mostly, I just nodded and said "Mm" with a sort of frown.

The same guy also sings the praises of the local Conservative Radio talker and--believe it or not--Glenn Beck!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

17. yes, we do get all the break

:P

:hi:

[Orrex]

16. Thanks for the responses/suggestions, everyone!

[Mad_Dem_X]

18. It's happened to me a couple of times, in the lunchroom

There's one table in our lunchroom, and I'm usually sitting there with three or four men. Once in a while, one of them will say something offensive. I usually read at lunch, so if hear it, I give the jokester a hard look and say, "That's not funny." And he'll apologize.

[Dr Morbius]

19. I prefer to let it slide if it is a public comment...

...and then discuss it with the individual privately. One on one, it's an argument I know I cannot lose, so I don't hesitate to engage in it. If it is a person who will not stop, or you know a private conversation is out of the question, a little public humiliation never hurts.

Let's suppose the individual in question is named Charlie.

Ask someone else, in a loud voice, if they heard about Charlie's visit to the doctor. When they reply that they had not, tell them about it: Charlie goes to the doctor and the doctor tells him, "You've got to stop masturbating." Charlie asked the doctor why, and the doctor replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Do this sort of thing in the right tone of voice once or twice and Charlie learns not to open his yap inappropriately, you know?

[femmocrat]

20. I've never been in that situation, but...

I was in the teachers' lunch room once when someone started making nasty comments about Hillary Clinton. I gave him an icy "if looks could kill" stare, got up and walked out. Hopefully he got the message. I was a lowly substitute and he was a veteran teacher (and a big a-hole) so I bit my tongue and said nothing.

If I hear students telling blond jokes, fat jokes, name-calling, etc., I shut that down immediately.

[piratefish08]

21. HR

[Rabrrrrrr]

22. I like to remind that my wife is a foreign woman of color.

Doesn't help with the homophobic jokes, but it's good for the others.

Another option is the crushingly awful response of personal disappointment - "Really? Wow. I really thought you were better than that."

[applegrove]

23. A cousin on mine just told an off colour joke about "small people". I was shocked and looked

like it because he commented on my look. Thing is I don't know if he meant it as a shocking off color joke to make light of the offcoloredness. He does tend to joke like that. I'm left just wondering and he his left with my shocked expression (mouth hanging open). Best to ask at the time I guess. I'm terrible at that because I have conduction aphasia and cannot hear very well. I am too busy usually just listening to judge and think through stuff when someone says something to me. Then I go home and obsess about it.

[Captain Hilts]

30. Look at all the people here who make jokes about Kucinich's height or that

Michelle Obama is as tall as George W. Bush. As if either chose their height or earned it in a competition.

The height=merit thing is very, very strange. That folks here buy into it so flagrantly is amazing.

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

24. I had just such a situation happen

while I was in college and working at a "progressive, locally owned, organic specialty store." A bunch of us were outside on the loading dock having our lunch and breaks and this little pipsqueak of a guy started talking shit about women in the ugliest of terms. I told him to shut his fucking pie hole because his comments were sexist, ugly and rude. Went to the owners of the store right after that and filed a complaint. He was punished.

[mix]

25. I always confront this shit, and usually get into it. nt

[meeshrox]

26. There are a couple good responses that can be expressed in smiley!

:eyes:
:wtf:

There should be no harm in doing the right thing and calling them out without looking like an ass yourself...subtlety is preferable.

[XemaSab]

27. Which level of offendedness are we talking about?

Are we talking about DU offendedness or real world offendedness?

Also, is it that the person told the joke without knowing that it could be potentially offensive?

Finally, how funny is the joke? Is the joke intentionally twisted?

'Cause in the world I live in, I usually let it slide. :shrug:

[Orrex]

28. It was a septugenarian Rightwing asshole

He began by telling a joke about "Negroes" and followed up with one about Mexicans.

And I know that he's a RW asshole because he regales us with the wisdom of Glenn Beck peppered with the musings of a Conservative talker who's on a local radio station.

[Captain Hilts]

29. I tell them it's inappropriate to tell it at work. The same way people here say things

in this public setting that is best left for your friends. People do not differentiate between appropriate and inappropriate settings for comments, language or choice of clothing any more.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

31. at this point, I realize that I have something to do that must be

attended to immediately. I walk away and make a mental note to no longer take "breaks" with said person. Is it ok if it is a gay person telling gay jokes or a person of color telling racist jokes? What about if it is the Boss's pet telling the jokes?