By Request: The Sarah Palin Limerick Thread...

[Hubert Flottz]

On the Straight Talk Express she came,
With her buddy old Johnny McSame,
They incited a riot,
Voting floks wouldn't buy it,
Now she's showing her ass once again.

On the trail of the wolf and the moose,
She would carry her tiny papoose,
She said Trig can have heat,
When I bag some more meat,
If Trig grows up he'll kick her caboose.

[guitar man]

1. ok I'll try

There once was a woman named Palin
Who made a career out of failin'

With a winky you betcha and
they're all out to getcha
she goes on with her bitchin' and wailin'

:shrug:

[Hubert Flottz]

8. Good One!

She took orders from governor Todd,
But she swore she took orders from God,
She's as dumb as an rock,
Her whole story's a crock,
And her bloomers are all in a wad.

[driver8]

55. Very funny!! n/t

[geardaddy]

2. mine

Caribou Barbie is a louse
She spent lots of dough on her blouse
She mocked Hope and Change
And was really deranged
No place for her at the White House

[11 Bravo]

3. A dim bulb with notes on her hand,

Spewed shit for a cool hundred grand.
She's dumb as a brick
But her bankroll is thick
Thanks to fools with their heads in the sand.

[geardaddy]

5. winner

:D

[Rabrrrrrr]

6. Bravo!

:applause:

[dixiegrrrrl]

4. ok...bravely attempting my first limerick..be gentle.

Of the two which is dumber
Sarah or Joe the plumber?

She relies for memory on her hand
while Joe had the fans all scammed.
Here's hoping both are quitters before summer.

[Hubert Flottz]

22. You did FINE!

Keep up the good work!

[SCantiGOP]

82. Joe the Plumber

reference reminded me of a bumper sticker I saw recently: Joe the Plumber, meet Barack the President.

[Mira]

7. Here goes:

There once was a Barbie named Palin
when Alaska she led she went bailin'
to go for prime time
in the low forty-nine
but I trust we will send her on sailin'.

[dixiegrrrrl]

9. Nice.......very nice

:hi:

[Hubert Flottz]

12. These are all some great Limericks...I'm proud of ya!

On the palm of her paw it was writ,
A long list of total bullshit,
She might fool some lame kook,
With her drivel and puke,
But she won't fool smart voters a bit.

[dixiegrrrrl]

26. Good one!!

[joeybee12]

10. There once was a fool from Wasilia...

...whose brain was as useless as Godzilla's
She did absolutely nothing
Except wear a g-string
And Fox boys couldn't get their fill-a

[Zomby Woof]

11. Mavericky Limericky

From over by Wasilla town
A plastic vapid sneering clown
A bimbo retard
From Putin's backyard
When she speaks my IQ goes down

[Hubert Flottz]

13. LOL

She's as shrill as long nails on the board,
And her head is as hollow as gourds,
She's a pit bull in paint,
But a lady she ain't,
She deserves a queen dip-shit award.

[Zomby Woof]

14. Broder's Babe

David Broder got a chubby
Wishes he was Sarah's hubby
He wrote in the Post
She's the one with the most
As he gives his crotch a good rubby

[Hubert Flottz]

16. Damned funny dude!

A wolf and a goose and a wren,
Screamed out "here comes queen Sarah again,"
But they saw her too late,
So they'll land on Todd's plate,
And be met by his shit eating grin.

[Zomby Woof]

18. LOL!!!!

LOVE that one!

[dixiegrrrrl]

27. Well,that lowered the tone.

Any eavesdropping freeper will explode.

[11 Bravo]

28. Hell, I thought that was the point! And besides, exploding freeper heads are ...

really easy to clean up after; a little blood, some bone fragments, but zero brain matter.

[11 Bravo]

15. The freep boys swear Sarah's no skank

For her they are deep in the tank.
They sit there in heat
Madly pounding their meat
And she laughs all the way to the bank.

[Zomby Woof]

19. Hahaha!

Truly.

[Hubert Flottz]

20. That's a classic!

From the land of that old midnight sun,
Came Queen Barbie with Bibles and guns,
She could thrill all them GOPers,
And those Viagra Dopers,
And I'm sorry I've run outta' puns.

[Zomby Woof]

17. Sarah Palin Brains of Poop

Sarah Palin brains of poop
Thinks she gives you all the scoop
She's dumber than sin
With a vacuous grin
Queen of the Teabaggers' group

[Hubert Flottz]

21. One more time...

I can deal with the clapp or the flu,
But there's one thing that I couldn't do,
Go see Sarah and Trigg,
Make a speech to them pigs,
As they suck on a teabag or two.

[Sky Masterson]

23. :o) I'll try one.

What was the McCain campaign thinking?
If they really wanted to stop John from sinking.
Then why'd they bring on this dope?
In thier fight against hope
Lord knows what the _uck they were drinking?

[11 Bravo]

24. Teabaggers say Sarah's a hottie, (Help me! I can't stop!)

She makes them think thoughts that are naughty.
They swoon at each wink,
Swear her shit doesn't stink,
And don't care that she's stupid and snotty.

[Sky Masterson]

25. Another.

When she winked the right wingers would excite
Rich Lowry's pants got a bit tight
She talked about Barack Hussein
Like she had half a brain
But her bark was much worse than her bite.
:dunce:

[Hubert Flottz]

29. I can't stop either...

She's as goofy as Earnest T Bass,
And we all know her head's up her ass,
She's so shallow and vain,
Can't remember a thing,
Just to see her is giving me gas.

[Sky Masterson]

36. Yet another..

Vladimir raised his ugly head over Wasilla
Like an 800 pound Commie Gorilla
But we were protected by Sarah
With her hair and Mascara
She kept us safe from her Alaskan villa. ;)

[marzipanni]

30. The Wreck of the Sarah P.

Sarah Palin @ #2 beauty queen-ness,
'Til McCain tapped her with his VP-ness,
With her ego inflated,
and GOP decorated,
She displayed extreme lack of genius.

[dixiegrrrrl]

31. LOL !!!!

:applause: :applause:

[dixiegrrrrl]

32. Someone said today is Sarah's birthday!!!!

Anyone got a birthday limerick for her????

[Hubert Flottz]

33. Piece of cake...

Happy birthday you ignorant beast,
We don't care about you in the least,
You will never be Queen,
'Cause your selfish and mean,
May your ________ become covered in yeast.

[11 Bravo]

35. Oh, baby! Piss on the fire and call in the dogs, 'cause we have a winner!

Genius!

[dixiegrrrrl]

38. Oh god...I was eating lunch...serisly.

:puke:

[Demoiselle]

59. Hubert, tsk tsk.

A heart for you.

[Hubert Flottz]

78. Thank you for the heart...

My real one is all patched up and it's seen better days, so your gift is very much appreciated.

[11 Bravo]

34. No limerick, but how about a traditional birthday song?

Happy birthday, Ms. P,
You're a fucking donkey!
If I saw you on fire
I would not waste my pee.

[Hubert Flottz]

37. That should make the top 40 in the Senate...

I like it...

[11 Bravo]

40. Thanks, but I'm still in awe of your birthday limerick!

Pitch perfect, from the meter to the sentiments espoused. Well done!

[Hubert Flottz]

42. Thanks trooper...

You don't do half bad yourself! :thumbsup:

I rest my case!!!!!111!111!1111!!!

[dixiegrrrrl]

39. ok ( rolling up sleeves)

That twit running mate of McCain
has turned a year older ...again!!!!
We hope the world's biggest quitter
will not become overly bitter
if we suggest as a present.....a brain.

[Hubert Flottz]

41. One more and I QUIT(like Sarah)

John McSame was much older than mud,
He owed most of his wealth to cold Bud,
Had nine homes and a camp,
But he picked up that Vamp,
And his chances they turned into krud...

[dixiegrrrrl]

43. ty for doing this thread...much fun!

You even talked me into doing something new.:hi:

[marzipanni]

45. Back atcha, dixiegrrrrl

You betcha! :applause: :applause:

[Rambis]

44. Give it a go

There once was a quitter named Sarah
who was as dumb as her tube of mascara
Her logic was barmy but she claims a small army
and that is a thought that should scare ya

[dixiegrrrrl]

46. True, dat.

[Hubert Flottz]

47. Is it morning already?

She ranted and raved about lipstick,
And I think she was tending John's dipstick,
Her bullshit was the same,
As old Johnny McCain,
And I've pointed that out in this Limerick.

:hi:

[Deep13]

48. Who the fuck is Sarah Palin?

Who the fuck is Sarah Palin,
against our interests she goes railin',
Her job was a dragger
Now she's a tea bagger
O Todd, she needs a good nailin'.

[Hubert Flottz]

49. One more time...

She was noted for tooting her flute,
And she tooted old Todd's little root,
She was first runner up,
She'll eat kittens or pups,
And she'll spend all the taxpayer's loot.

From her government chopper she'd stalk,
Every cute little critter that walks,
She's shot foxes and minks,
Whacked a bear and a lynx,
And it kills me just hearing her squalk.

Edit...
As she studided her speech writer's tripe,
Joe the Plumber stopped by to lay pipe,
She screamed "Joe stop your plumbin'."
'Cause I see Todd's a-comin,'
So Joe finished her off with a wipe.

[Hubert Flottz]

50. I got a request for a Sara the turkey killer poem so here goes.

As she hollered "You-Bet-Cha" and "Heck,"
She was chopping on Tom's flabby neck,
She had blood on her hose,
Turkey shit on her toes,
And the whole camera crew was a wreck.

I have to quit, it's making me too crazy...Thinking kind thoughts...Somebody hep me!

EDIT...

Old Queen Sarah yelled drill baby drill,
Me a well upon Capitol Hill,
We can explore for gas,
Up the congress's ass,
And we might even give Mitch a thrill.

Re: Edit...I can't believe you DUers QUIT on a thread about the Quitter Queen. Deal me out!

[dixiegrrrrl]

53. Flottz has left the building...I repeat, Flottz has left the building.

Give it up for a fine performance, folks.

:applause: :applause: :woohoo: :woohoo: :applause: :applause:

[Deep13]

51. Palin is a model for the idiots of the land.

Palin is a model for the idiots of the land.
Despite her talks and books that get panned.
As her nonsensical words
Confuse many who heard
She'll find the answers on her hand.

[Chiyo-chichi]

52. ...

There once was a gal from Wasilla
Whose IQ was below one scintilla.
She’s the right’s favorite quitter,
Prolific on Twitter,
A wing-nut Alaskan Atilla.

[Hubert Flottz]

56. Cross the tundra she rode on her sled,

Cross the tundra she rode on her sled,
In her wake there was nothing but red,
There's no caribou herd,
Not a fish nor a bird,
That was spared by this evil shit head.

In the ocean there's still some black goo,
From the shit that the oil companies do,
Sarah said what the heck,
Exxon wrote me a check,
So I've built me a mansion or two.

[BeyondGeography]

54. There once was a girl from Alaska

Whose tits were as big as Nebraska (work with me, people)
And when Old Man John
Saw Dem Hilly voters were gone
He picked up the phone
And he asked her

[MiddleFingerMom]

83. OMG, Nebraska? (Oh-Mah-Gah?) ... n/g

[Deep13]

57. O Sarah, please put a sock in it...

O Sarah, please put a sock in it,
and spare us your annoying nit-wit.
Against witches your pray,
and you hate all folks gay.
Can anyone be more full of shit?

[Hubert Flottz]

58. LOL

How I hate when she talks trough her nose,
But I like it whenever she goes,
Back to whence she came,
Please McCain do the same,
And relieve us of worries and woes.

Now I wonder if Johnny boy knew,
He'd been chosen to run with a shrew,
Had his head up his ass,
Now his dream's in the past,
Should have fired his political crew.

[11 Bravo]

61. She's one intellectual runt

When faced with a challenge she'll punt.
She polls in the shitter
Because she's a quitter
(She's also a bit of a not very nice person.)

[divvy]

60. Ode to Sara the Trapper

Ode to Sara the Trapper

Sara was a little to eager
To show of her great big beaver
So she went to the press
They said “well pick up your dress”
But she butchered her catch with a cleaver.

The men were astonished
when she reached for the Garnish
and she fed them roast beaver and corn all day

[11 Bravo]

62. Sir Hubert of Flottz wrote a rhyme.

His limerick was better than mine.
For that I should shoot him
Instead I salute him
The man is the best of all time!

[Hubert Flottz]

63. Thanks 11B

With your puns I can hardly compete,
And your limericks don't miss a beat,
So let's trash the Ice Queen,
'Cause she's hateful and mean,
Needs no costume to go trick or treat.

EDIT...speaking of ICE...

I've got snow over top of my ass,
And they're fixin' to shut off my gas,
Then they'll come take my heater,
Try to repo my p%$#r,
Geez I can't wait to mow the damned grass.

[Deep13]

64. +1

Fun thread, though.

[Deep13]

65. A teabagger has a bad brain...

A teabagger has a bad brain,
Too liberal was ole' John McCain,
They'll become roast mutton,
When Palin presses the button.
They want a president who's insane.

[dixiegrrrrl]

66. I am in awe of the genius and humor in this thread.

You betcha !!!!

[Jade Fox]

67. There once was a woman named Sarah....

Who said, "Limerick? What a great name for my next kid!"

[jmowreader]

68. How about a good non-clean limerick?

Uhh...PM me for this one. It's definitely a thread-locker.

[Hubert Flottz]

69. Here's a cleanish one...

Queen "Pit Bull" was once heard to say,
"Gosh, I fear I am wearing away,"
"The insides of my thighs,"
"Look like mincemeat pies,"
"Cause Old Todd didn't shave yesterday!"

One or two more for the roadie

She wanted to be presi-dent,
So she jumped on a Greyhound and went,
California to Maine,
With that old goat McSame,
Now she'd better go home and repent.

There's one story she wanted to hush,
How Alaska got covered in slush,
And for answers we groped,
'Bout where here water broke,
And she had to get home in no rush.

[Hubert Flottz]

70. One more about Wasilla's cottage industry...

In Wasilla they make Methedrine,
Maybe that's what makes Barbie so mean,
Cause she winks and she blinks,
And her reasoning stinks,
Makes me wonder if she's stayin' clean.

[Hubert Flottz]

71. A shamless kicker/valentine poem

I've got to stop writing these rhymes,
'Cause I think of them all of the time,
So I'll leave it to you,
To contribute a few,
I'd best go hunt a damned valentine. :hi:

[DFW]

72. One more for the road..........

There once was a bimbo named Sarah
Who thought she was Scarlett O'Hara
But the shoe didn't fit
So she gave up and quit
And was left to play with her mascara



*I promise I had already planned to use mascara before seeing someone else used it!!!!!

[Hubert Flottz]

73. A good one...

LOL

Pastor Muthee could locate any "Witch,"
Heal the blue-balls or seven year itch,
Sarah commenced a-screamin',
Out flew three hundred demons,
Reverend Muthee yelled "Son-of-a-_______!!1!!!!111!!!!!11"

[Sugarcoated]

74. For your consideration:

The queen of the teabagging party?
Or the queen of political comedy?
a hail Mary pass
phony, shrill and crass
and a pathological liar she be.

Her avoidance of media is enlightening
Fears it will show she knows next to nothing
hate speech turrets
Bush in a dress
the sad tale of ol Sara Pupkin.

[Hubert Flottz]

75. LOL

Fine Job...

[Sugarcoated]

76. Thank you, thank you

I call her Sarah Pupkin because in many ways she reminds me of Rupert Pupkin from The King of Comedy

From a reviewer at IMDB:
DeNiro nails perfectly the unflappable and determined comic wannabe. We watch him throughout the whole film, wondering, Is he really just that sure of himself, or is he dangerously deranged? That question will take you through right to the end. Between Rupert, whose basement (in his mother's house) is decorated like a comedy club, and his oddball chum (S.Bernhard), there's considerable pathos.



(Edited for spelling error)

[Chal]

77. She is George Bush in a dress.

The tea baggers are having a love in,
with a folksie ex-gov named Palin.

To us she's a gift that keeps on giving,
But don't let her catch us sleeping.

Remember Al Gore thought that Bush was done in.

[Hubert Flottz]

79. Happy Valentines Day Sarah.............NOT!

We'll she's managed to "write" her a book,
But we'd done figured out she's a crook,
So on Valentines day,
I think it's safe to say,
That old Barbie should stay home and cook.

There was once a Tea Bagger Queen,
That preached against everything green,
When the ice melted down,
She was washed out of town,
And we saw what a dumb-ass she'd been.

[Hubert Flottz]

80. I've had a special request to write a couple more about things I didn't touch on.

Sarah's daughter forgot to abstain,
This caused Sarah a great deal of pain,
She got hot like a Ronson,
Cried out "Give me that Johnson,"
"Levi come back and do it again."

When investors said "Come to Hong Kong,"
They were standing 'round flogging their dongs,
She arrived on a jet,
And said "What do I get,"
So they all greeted her with their schlongs.

[Lasher]

81. There once was a man from Kent,

Oh, it's supposed to be about Sarah. Sorry.

[MiddleFingerMom]

84. I think it would be really MEAN if she wasn't able to understand at least 1 of these.

.
Sarah Palin can bite me, bitebite.
Bite me. Bite me. Bite me. Bite me. Bite.
Bite me. Bite me. Bitebite.
Bite me. Bite me. Bitebite.
Bite me. Bite me. Bite me. Bite me. Bite.
.

[Hubert Flottz]

85. Elegant!

It just kind of flows! And I love the message! :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: That's one she just might get!1!11!!11!1!!1!1!!!!1