I present to you the most tasteless SNL bit ever...

[TheMightyFavog]

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/76/76jgilmore.phtml



Candice Bergen: One night this July, Gary Gilmore killed a Utah service station attendant and the next night he shot a twenty-five year old student twice in the head. He was convicted of the second murder and sentenced to death. Gilmore requested that the sentence be carried out by firing squad. Prison officials were flooded with calls with people volunteering to shoot Gilmore, a job which pays a hundred and twenty-five dollars. Gilmore's lawyer is negotiating with publishers and motion picture studios for book and movie rights and there has been a cry for public execution. All three networks have asked permission to film the event and, if permission is not granted, then there's talk of filming the execution, from a dirigible, helicopter or hang glider. And so it's in this spirit that Saturday Night has prepared a very special Christmas song.



Gilda Radner:
There's a little guy in Utah with a single Christmas wish For one special thing that can't be substituted Doesn't want to get electric trains, get toys or get pet fish All he really wants to get is executed



Cast:
So let's kill Gary Gilmore for Christmas
Let's hang him from atop the Christmas tree
Let's give to him the only gift that money can't buy
Put poison in his egg nog, let him drink it, watch him die



Dan Aykroyd:
Let's throw another yule log on the fire
And then let's throw Gary Gilmore on there too
With a ribbon so gay and a card that will say
"Dear Gary, Merry Christmas to you"

Jane, Laraine, Gilda:
In the meadow, we can build a snowman
One with Gary Gilmore packed inside

John, Garrett, Dan:
We'll say "Are you dead yet?" He'll say "No, man"

Cast:
But we'll wait out the frostbite till he dies

Gilda:
I've one Christmas wish

Jane, Laraine, John, Garrett, Dan:
Just ask it

Gilda:
Please put Gary in a casket

Cast:
So let's toll the silver bells for him
While he can still hear what they say
Ding dong ding dong
You're dead, so long
We can thrill Gary Gilmore
If we kill Gary Gilmore
On this Christmas Day

[Capn Sunshine]

1. an all time classic

[MilesColtrane]

2. "Placenta Helper" tops that one.

LARAINE: ...By the way, are you planning to eat the placenta?

GILDA: You're kidding! You mean the afterbirth?

LARAINE: That's right. Many mammals eat their own placenta. It's nutritious, it's 100 percent natural, and now that you're going to have a family, you've got to watch your food budget more than ever. And there's no cheaper meat than placenta.

GILDA: But is there enough placenta to make a complete meal for my husband and myself?

LARAINE: Not if your husband has a hearty appetite like mine. And that's why you need Placenta Helper.