My mom's best friend Ida died this morning - but mom's out of town.

[gristy]

She'll be back tomorrow. The kids are debating whether to tell her before she gets back. There are many things we are considering:

- Mom and Dad are visiting with my brother and his daughters half way across the country; there is a long plane flight (and one connection) to get home. There is no non-stop.
- Mom has Parkinson's, and she is not as strong as she used to be. If we tell her now, we are burdening her with the task of "being strong" and otherwise suppressing the expression of her grief while still with my brother and his family (his wife died last year), and while in public for 6 hours on the way home.
- Ida's husband (a retired physician) says don't tell her until she gets home.
- They will be home in time for services even if we don't tell her.
- If we don't tell her, we are taking something away from her - the opportunity to grieve "with" the rest of her friends, though not in the same location.

What do you think? Do we tell her and dad? Or wait until they get home tomorrow?

[truhavoc]

1. Tell your father and let him decide her situation n/t

[mazzarro]

2. Follow the advice of the husband of the deceased

Wait until your parents get into town before telling your father and let him handle it from there.
My sincerest condolence.

[gristy]

4. That is the way I am leaning.

But I appreciate hearing any other viewpoints.

[Wickerman]

3. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer

my take would be not to tell her. She'll have plenty of time to grieve, let her enjoy the trip as much as she can.

[NJCher]

5. that happened in my family

Only substitute "daughter" for "husband."

My cousin learned her mother's best friend passed away while they were on a trip. Although she chose not to tell her mother until they returned home, there was a discernible difference in her mood.

So don't tell the father because there is the possibility he might reflect a general sadness in his mood.

Personally, I would wait until they returned.


Cher