Let's set some ground rules for movie monsters. (This is important, damn it!!)

[LostInAnomie]

Vampires:
1. The sun kills them. There are no caveats or ways around this.
2. Stakes to the heart kill them.
3. Holy Water burns them.
4. Garlic repels them.
5. They can transform into bats and wolves (maybe rats). That is it.
6. They can only fly in bat form. None of this Superman flying bullshit.
7. They aren't the fucking Flash. They can be faster than humans, but not faster than sight.
8. They are strong, not steel bending, car flipping, worlds' strongest man strong.
9. Vampires are monsters, not a teenage girl's masturbatory fantasy.
10. Vampires can transform, are fast, strong, and have limited hypnotic abilities. That is it. They can't catch shit on fire with their minds, kill things with their minds, or any of the other bullshit powers Ann Rice and other vampire author have given them.

Zombies:
1. Zombies are not fast.
2. Zombies are not smart.
3. Zombies are not stronger than regular humans.
4. They can not be killed with gun shots to the body.
5. If you are bitten, you become a zombie. There is no way around it, not even amputation.
6. Zombies don't stand around and wait for characters to get off witty lines. They are eating machines. They only move towards a victim and bite. No fighting, no struggling, no hand to hand, etc. They will try to bite you and will continue to try to bite you until they are either killed of are eating you.

Werewolves:
1. Only turn into "wolves" when the moon is full. That is it. Not at will, not every night, not when angry, just once every 28 days.
2. A silver bullet kills them.
3. When they turn into wolves, they are killing machines. They are not complex, tortured, remorseful creatures when they are in wolf form.
4. Nothing in the movie Underworld or any of it's sequels should apply.
5. Like vampires, werewolves are stronger, faster, and more durable than regular humans. They are not impossibly strong, impossibly quick, or impossibly durable though. They're monsters, not comic book heroes.
6. Like vampires, they are monsters. They are not a teenage girl's masturbatory fantasy.
7. Werewolves do not form stupid clans, or refer to themselves as lycans.

Feel free to add your own.

[Doc_Technical]

1. The best movie monster of all time!!

The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-sALU_hveA&feature=related

[NJmaverick]

2. I always wondered about the zombie bite/amputation thing

if their bite only hits flesh, then it's equivalent to an IM injection. That would seem to mean if the limb is amputated quick enough the person could be saved.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

4. How about vampire bites?

Some movies/shows/books, once you get a single bite from a vampire--boom! you are a vampire! (Although the time differs on the transformation, usually depending on how central the bitten character is).

However, on True Blood and possibly some other works, vampires can feed on humans without changing them into vampires. The only way in TB for a human to become a vampire is if the human is completely drained and then infused with vampire blood.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

3. Another ground rule for Vampires--are they supposed to be good looking?

In other words, do they simply look like pale, moody svelt European art students, like this:



or this:



or, for the younger set, this:




Or....

....are they disgusting, hideous creatures like this:



Or this:



Or this:

[wysimdnwyg]

5. You sir..

win the internets.

[hedgehog]

6. There are two schools of thought - one is that all vampires slowly deteriorate,

the other that if the vampire is forced to go hungry and/or not fed human blood, it deteriorates.
http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi4040294937/

[nolabear]

7. ROTFL! I LOVE the internet scrolling joke set-up, and you just did it perfectly! Hats off!

[redqueen]

8. Ah whatever, monster nazi.

But, er... about that masturbatory fantasy thing... it's been too long since I've read the book... do you recall if his hypnotic effect on the women was overtly sexualized? It certainly has been in plenty of movies.

[LostInAnomie]

11. I can accept that the sexualized component of a vampire attack.

I can accept the psycho/sexual hold the vampire may have over their victims.

What I do not accept is a uber-attractive vampire full of angst, remorse, and introspection that is just looking for a timeless love. That's a hot load of shit.

[Rabrrrrrr]

9. You can't kill an A-list actor iuntil you've gone through at least three B-list or 6 C-list ones.

[nolabear]

10. And "It was beauty killed the beast" is an irrefutable rule.

I used to get crushes on the lovesick monster, whether it was Gillman, King Kong or The Hunchback of Notre Dame. But it has to be star-crossed, unless Mel Brooks is doing it. He gets a pass on everything.

[NewJeffCT]

12. Almost every female vampire in movie history has been hot, though

so, they can be a teenage boy's masturbatory fantasy.

Salma Hayek from Dusk till Dawn...
Monica Bellucci from Dracula...
Kate Beckinsale from the Underworld movies...