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It takes all your energy to be sick. I don't know your story. I'm new here. But I know about being sick and how long it takes to heal. You sound discouraged, maybe, just a little bit. Sometimes our rate of improvement plateaus, and maybe a change has to be made. A different antibiotic, perhaps.
You're so right about how what we joked about at 40 doesn't seem that funny at 60. I shudder to think of the things I laughed at when I was a youngster. But I write it off to the immortality that protects young people. Once, we were all ten feet tall and bulletproof. We're not quite that tall anymore, but we're still bulletproof, only in a different way.
You don't have to do a thing, no banter or plucky determination, or sparkling personality, not if you don't feel like it. Be your own authentic self, and if you're honest like that, maybe the people taking care of you will be more forthcoming. It's not the surgical masks that might be distorting their words to you. Your effort to be "up" might be getting in your own way. If you're feeling down, be down, and don't pretend otherwise. That's just wasting energy you don't have.
We all have to feel sorry for ourselves once in a while. Nine days, did you say? That's a long time to be away from your own bed, your own home, your loved ones. It's discouraging. And I'd be feeling bad, too, if I were in your spot. I know how lucky I am not to be in hospital, but I've done my time in those places. It's hard work. You don't get your right sleep, and part of what you're experiencing right now just might be plain old fatigue.
You'll get better, I am sure of that. Don't lose heart. But don't pretend that you're all bubbly and perky if you're not really feeling like that. Let people take complete care of you. Part of what the doctors and nurses need from their patients is honesty and authenticity; otherwise, they're treating someone who doesn't really exist.
You are better than that, and you don't have to do a thing to "earn" your way. I don't know you, but you strike me as a very special person. I hope this day goes well for you. But, make sure your health care professionals know about your feeling discouraged, and allow yourself the luxury of being just a tiny bit self-indulgent. We all go to our own Pity Parties every now and then. It's just human nature.
Best of luck to you.
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