David Lynch's Return of the Jedi

[lazarus]

According to IFC, Lynch turned down an offer to direct "Jedi."

My brain hurts trying to comprehend how differently it would have turned out, but I do know one thing:

Dagobah doesn't have pie.

[jpgray]

1. The ewoks would have had a dark night of the soul (nt)

[TlalocW]

2. Yoda would have trained Luke

To tie a cherry stem using only the Force.

TlalocW

[mobuto]

3. Somehow it would have involved Pabst Blue Ribbon

[m-jean03]

4. And evil midgets and lesbian sex.

Edit: Forget your taboos. Luke doesn't give a crap Leia's his sister. They get it on anyway, at least to the make out stage. However, they are forever fugitives on the lam from the Good Force, which is strongly anti-incest. The Dark Side Wins.

[jpgray]

5. THERE'S the ewokian dark night of the soul I was looking for. (nt)

[m-jean03]

8. Pabst blue ribbon, ewoks, midgets,

and lesbian sex... Dangerous combination.:D

[lazarus]

9. Actually

I was thinking it more likely that Vader would be getting it on with Leia in a Lynch version.

The Emperor would have really tall hair, and the Death Star would have very noisy radiators.

[htuttle]

6. The Emperor would have been 3 feet high, and talked backwards...

...while wearing a lot of red clothing.

Princess Leia would have carried around a small log for most of the movie, and Hans Solo would have had only one arm.

[FunBobbyMucha]

7. "This well-dressed Emperor knows where your cute little butt's hiding!"

Jabba would've sucked nitrous oxide and hurt Slave Leia with a pair of scissors.

A lot more footage of that worm hole thing.

Several close-ups of Anakin's bulbous, white, veiny head.

[tigereye]

11. yeah that's about right...

it is too bizarre to contemplate...

Lynch has a very twisted world viww... I actually prefer John Water's view of reality... at least I think so. And for the true polar American film opposite of Lynch, John Sayles.

[m-jean03]

10. Lazarus, htuttle, FunBobby

You guys ought to work for Lynch!! Perfect, perfect, so funny.

[ZenLefty]

12. Imperial probe droids would have a completely different function

:o

[Westegg]

13. Lynch was up to direct "Ironweed." Believe it or not.

Novelist William Kennedy watched "Eraserhead" and decided Lynch was perhaps not the guy for the film. Hector Babenco's version was not nearly as good as the novel.

[lazarus]

14. "perhaps" not the guy?

Yeah, maybe. :silly:

[Khephra]

15. Cronenberg was also up for the gig too

[lazarus]

16. Okay, great

I'm gonna go hide in the closet for a while now.

:scared: