Where do you go to find emotionally mature, deep, introspective, tolerant people IRL

[Juche]

Serious question if anyone has answers.

So far the only place I can think of is the unitarian universalist church.

I would assume some charity events would also have people like that.

In order to find people like that, you are going to have to go to events they are drawn to. Issues related to therapy/social work, volunteerism, people recovering from setbacks and trying to become better people or the UU church seem like decent bets. I met some really decent people at a UU church in another city while I was visiting. I would say in my life I have met several deep people, but of the 3 deepest ones I've met 2 were at the UU and the third was my therapist in college.

Any other ideas? I'm not depressed or lonely, but I really don't relate well to most people I know in person right now. Monkey politics and social gossip have their place, but jesus christ.

[tigereye]

1. tai chi class and plenty of other places, actually

[LynzM]

2. Yoga class, local food co-op, and local people I've met online

I've actually made a big new social circle in the last couple years via people I've met on okcupid, online. Other than that, attending local civics events that are liberal, yoga class, our local food co-op have all been places to meet people you describe. And then as you know these people, you get introduced to the people *they* know, who tend to be in the same vein.

:hi:

[vadawg]

3. why not try to meet people from every walk of life, its not like everybody dosent have a story

and you may learn stuff you never even thought of....

[Moondog]

4. People like that are like gold. They are where you find them.

In other words, it is completely serendipitous.

[BarenakedLady]

5. No idea

I have yet to come across any IRL.

[surrealAmerican]

6. The Public Library.

If they have a book group, it's a way to meet people and gives you something to talk about at the same time.

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

29. I agree

library was my first thought too. Or maybe go to a bookstore and hang out in the section that interests you and talk up the other people in the same section?

[hippywife]

7. Political events.

Concerts in small intimate venues.

[Orrex]

8. Foxy Boxing exhibitions

Failing that, you might try to find an owner of an independent (secular) book store.

[Moondog]

9. A second thought. The trick is to be able to recognize such a person

for who and what they are sooner rather than later. Too often, you don't get a second chance.

[Juche]

18. I have that ability though

I actually had a woman I'd never met before in my life be recommended as a friend on facebook, and I could tell from her face, eyes, body language, etc. that she probably had the kind of personality I am talking about. It wasn't sexual (she was about 50) but I figured I'd talk to her just to check. So I emailed her and asked her about why she was recommended as a friend since I didn't know her so I could get to know her, and she was a pretty decent person with nice life experience. We talked openly about life, mental illness and issues like that.

So I can sometimes spot these people (sometimes pretty quickly), I just need to know where they congregate.

[taterguy]

10. Dog park

Borrow someone else's dog if you don't have one

[NNadir]

11. Mortuaries.

You can't get more mature than you are when you're dead.

Dead people tolerate just about anything.

Most dead people end up deep relatively quickly.

I can't say whether dead people are introspective, although they are certainly not out going after going out.

[Orrex]

14. They're unlikely to interrupt you when you're talking, and...

if they get boring, you can always dig up a new friend somewhere.

[Juche]

19. Tolerant too

Dead people are the ultimate pacifists, you can do whatever you want to them and they won't fight back.

[Xipe Totec]

12. I go hiking in the Blue Hills

and hike alone...

:hi:

[rug]

13. Dunno. Maybe crosspost in GDP.

[SoxFan]

16. Because GDP is FILLED with people like that!

:crazy:

[old mark]

27. Right.

Just fucking ask them.

mark

[EFerrari]

23. lol

[Odin2005]

15. I belong to a UU congregation and I agree.

I take college classes, so I have that as well.

[SoxFan]

17. Not in city politics, that's for sure

[Rabrrrrrr]

20. You go anywhere (except where mostly conservatives are) and look for the 2-5% of thepeople there

who will it the bill of being mature, deep, introspective, and tolerant.

Some groupings will have a higher percentage (The Unitarian Church, e.g., or a UCC one; lectures at the university; the library; the theater), but, it seems that pretty much whatever the gathering or place that one goes to, you stand a pretty good chance of encountering about 2-5% of the population there as being actually mature, deep, critically reflective, and able to hold a conversation.

[datasuspect]

21. oak park, illinois

[BlooInBloo]

22. Coffee shops near a uni.

[Iggo]

24. I don't know any places like that.

It's been a looooong time since I've been anywhere near a place like that.

If you take out the "emotionally mature" part, it's been almost 13 years.

Put that part back in and it might be never.

[Monk06]

25. Tom Waits' house.

[kentauros]

26. Usually little restaurants and cafes where I know the people like old friends.

John, the Greek waiter at Biba's Ones A Meal in Montrose comes to mind. He's critical of everyone! And such a great character :D

Donald, Peter and Sandra at Zabak's Mediterranean Cafe, though it's usually Donald and I that get into the deeper discussions. However, that place is a magnet for all kinds of people and you'll end up getting into conversations with customers, too :)

For that matter, I used to get into conversations with staff and customers at Whole Foods when I still shopped there. That doesn't happen at Kroger or HEB and I miss that kind of spontaneous interaction...

[Haole Girl]

28. This is a difficult question to answer

I never count on finding them at church, that is for certain.

In classes, sometimes at work, once or twice on DU. But I wouldn't count on finding mature and introspective people at church (not in my experience).

[Juche]

30. Depends on the church

the UU church is very progressive and tolerant. However I wouldn't go to a baptist church and expect to find people who are tolerant or compassionate towards outsiders.

[pitohui]

31. well all those things seem fairly depressing to me -- maybe you have a different idea of "deep"

i've reached an age where hanging out w. people who still, after age 30, are trying to "find themselves" or "do therapy" or "become better people" is just too depressing

prob. means i'm shallow, i suppose

i don't go out looking for a certain kind of person, i go out doing things i like to do, such as hiking birding etc. and, frankly, i don't need to meet a lot of people -- you're going to find that most introspective people (as opposed to depressed people, it AIN'T the same thing) don't have much need for a lot of conversation and socializing

if you are looking for introspective people then you may be looking for people who have different (fewer) social needs than you do, and that's why you're having a problem

my advice is do what you like, and along the way you naturally hook up w. like-minded people

i'm done w. going to church, even the newest of the new age or the most wiccan, and meeting tons of people who want to "heal," everybody's got a sad story but at some point is your life about "recovering" from your sad story or "dwelling" on your sad story?


to me there is not anything particularly "deep" about dwelling on one's self or one's recovery or one's setbacks and while it's necessary to help oneself and others recover from tragedies (esp. big tragedies like katrina) it isn't DEEP -- it's the most shallow thing in the world, being a leaf storm tossed on the ocean

to me deep is about things that can't be said in words and the ability to get out in nature and be quiet, well, you won't meet people who can do that unless you can/will do it yourself

so my advice is, i guess, stop chasing DEEP and start chasing what's beautiful in the world, be it nature, be it literature, whatever, just pick something and stop focusing so much on primate thoughts and then wondering why primate behavior is so shallow, it's shallow because we're animals, nothing more interesting or complex than that