Do we need a Constitutional Amendment for Dildos?

[MajorChode]

I know what you're thinking. Why do we need a constitutional amendment for dildos? Stick with me here, and by the time you read all of this you will agree. The logic is undeniable. You might say, but I don't own a dildo and I don't want one. Or you might say, my state or local community doesn't have a problem with dildos. Well, I say to you that is a moral hazard, my friend. People all over this great nation of ours are suffering, for no other reason than for want of a good dildo. Other states are considering dildo background checks and registration laws and we all know what that means. Once they are registered, the man is going to soon come knocking on your door and asking for all your dildos. And once they come for your dildos, who knows what else they will come for.

Now some are going to say, if we needed to have dildos written into the Constitution, why didn't the founding fathers do this? Well, the founding fathers never intended for the Constitution to be static. It was always intended to keep pace with the times. Back in the late 18th century, dildo technology was very crude. Now certainly there were cucumber and zucchini growers that specialized in this sort of thing, but you just didn't have the injection molding technology that we have today. As such, dildo manufacturing was localized and the product was perishable. The founding fathers never envisioned someone getting arrested for transporting dildos across state lines.

So where are all these people who are getting persecuted for their dildos? I'm glad you asked.

Consider this woman who was just trying to make an honest living and was arrested for trying to bring peace and love to other people:
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=128066&page=1

This man couldn't buy a dildo and had to look elsewhere. He was arrested on felony charges, lost his job, and got kicked out of his church, simply because he wanted a dildo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2lenTxz8qw

This woman was trying to defend herself with her dildo. Instead of helping her, what did the cops do? They arrested her:
http://www.tabloidprodigy.com/?p=3789

And what about Bill O'Reilly? Maybe you don't like his politics, but the fact is the man was persecuted and sued, simply because he invited someone to come look at his dildo collection. This is wrong no matter which side of the political spectrum you are on.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/10/13/entertainment/main649135.shtml

This doesn't have to be complicated. Two lines are all that is needed:

A well regulated Sex Toy Industry, being necessary to the sexuality of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Dildos, shall not be infringed.

[LynneSin]

1. I almost did an IBTL but decided to go this route instead....

[ipfilter]

2. Dildo threads belong in GD. nt

[MajorChode]

7. I was undecided on that one

[Deep13]

3. Wow! Total slam on cock rings by leaving them out!

:hide:

[Beer Snob-50]

4. I AM SHOCKED!! SHOCKED I TELL YOU

i cannot believe how people are prosecuted for just wanting the opportunity to get off. well ladies, i am available to help out as a legal regulated sex toy.

[Initech]

5. Single-payer dildos first.

[qb]

6. It's a matter of public safety. Imagine how many ER visits would be avoided

if properly designed sex toys were legal and affordable.

[lutefisk]

8. Sure dildo owners get arrested once in a while, but they always get off

Seems like a fair trade
:shrug:

[Sebastian Doyle]

9. Are you taking politcal contributions from the National Dildo Association?

Damn jack-booted NDA thugs!! :mad:

[MajorChode]

10. No, but I'm considering attending town hall meetings with a strap-on

[Bucky]

11. There's already a Constitutional Amendment for Dildos. It's the one about flag burning.

There's two if you count the one about prayer in school, too.

[rug]

12. No, the Preamble already ensures domestic tranquility.