what a genius george carlin was, i offer up this reminder:
I'm a modern man...
I'm a modern man A man for the millennium Digital and smoke free
A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist Politically anatomically and ecologically incorrect
I've been uplinked and downloaded I've been inputted and outsourced I know the upside of downsizing I know the downside of upgrading
I'm a high tech lowlife A cutting edge state-of-the-art bicoastal multitasker And I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond
I'm new wave but I'm old school And my inner child is outward bound
I'm a hot wired heat seeking warm hearted cool customer Voice activated and biodegradable
I interface from a database And my database is in cyberspace So I'm interactive I'm hyperactive And from time-to-time I'm radioactive
Behind the eight ball Ahead of the curve Riding the wave Dodging a bullet Pushing the envelope
I'm on point On task On message And off drugs I got no need for coke and speed I got no urge to binge and purge
I'm in the moment On the edge Over the top But under the radar
A high concept Low profile Medium range ballistic missionary A street-wise smart bomb A top gun bottom feeder
I wear power ties I tell power lies I take power naps I run victory laps
I'm a totally ongoing big foot slam dunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach A raging workaholic A working rageaholic Out of rehab And in denial
I got a personal trainer A personal shopper A personal assistant And a personal agenda
You can't shut me up You can't dumb me down 'Cause I'm tireless And I'm wireless I'm an alpha male on beta blockers
I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever Laid back but fashion forward
Up front Down home Low rent High maintenance
Super size Long lasting High definition Fast acting Oven ready And built to last
I'm a hands on Footloose Knee jerk Head case
Prematurely post-traumatic And I have a love child who sends me hate mail
But I'm feeling I'm caring I'm healing I'm sharing A supportive bonding nurturing primary care giver
My output is down But my income is up I take a short position on the long bond And my revenue stream has its own cash flow
I read junk mail I eat junk food I buy junk bonds I watch trash sports
I'm gender specific Capital intensive User friendly And lactose intolerant
I like rough sex... I like rough sex I like tough love I use the f word in my email And the software on my hard drive is hard core, no soft porn
I bought a microwave at a mini mall I bought a mini van in a mega store I eat fast food in the slow lane
I'm toll free Bite sized Ready to wear And I come in all sizes
A fully equipped Factory authorized Hospital tested Clinically proven Scientifically formulated medical miracle
I've been pre-washed Pre-cooked Pre-heated Pre-screened Pre-approved Pre-packaged Post-dated Freeze-dried Double-wrapped Vacuum-packed And I have an unlimited broadband capacity
I'm a rude dude But I'm the real deal Lean and mean Cocked, locked and ready to rock Rough tough and hard to bluff
I take it slow I go with the flow I ride with the tide I got glide in my stride
Drivin' and movin' Sailin' and spinnin' Jivin' and groovin' Wailin' and winnin'
I don't snooze So I don't lose I keep the pedal to the metal And the rubber on the road
I party hearty And lunch time is crunch time
I'm hanging in There ain't no doubt And I'm hanging tough Over and out
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