I think that a longtime friend of mine could be over...

[Zech Marquis The 2nd]

Fellow DUers, I need to get a second opinion on something I've been considering for quite some time now. It seems like a longtime friend of mine and I might not be friends at all anymore :-(

How did this happen? Several months ago, I attended the birthday party of the soon to be ex BFF's father. Real cool guy, he's always been very friendly to me. And Im going to hook him up with a Harmony Universal remote (a real fancy one!) So anyhow, my so called best friend seemed really irritated, almost like,"don't come near me!" I figured maybe she was stressed out form all the party preparations or something minor. But as things got rolling in the backyard with the food, she suddenly got loud and mentioned something to the effect of "being tired of (me) focusing (my) attention on THAT WOMAN!!!"

When I chat online in Google with the forementioned so to be ex BFF, I have the photo of my GF as my icon. Nothing naughty nor skanky, just a photo of her working on her cruise ship off the coast of Italy. I wouldnt think that my GF being from Austria would be an issue, after all, my friend of 16 years is engaged to an Air Force pilot. Yet, she never calls my GF by her name, it's always "that woman!" or,"that east european woman"...

If I were to say the same thing about my bff's fiance, I'd catch all kinds of hell, and it would be really rude. Can I even call someone so narrow minded a friend at all? I seriously dont want to see the BFF again, not for quite some time at the very least.

[Haole Girl]

1. I'm sorry

Losing a best friend is so painful. I don't feel I would be the best one to offer advice. But I do know how much it hurts to realize a friend (whether they were considered BFF or not) has grown weary of you. It's like a stab in the heart. :hug:

[Zech Marquis The 2nd]

2. she has really changed

I'm over the pain part, but its still sad to think that she would scoop to such a low and mean spirited level...I do realize that everybody changes over time, I just didnt expect this.

[lildreamer316]

3. She's in love with you.

Sorry, I call it like I see it.

[Zech Marquis The 2nd]

4. she is???

even though she has a fiance?....could it be a case of buyer's remorse, or me being the one that got away?

[lildreamer316]

7. Could be. I don't know your history,

so I can't say that for sure.

It's a tricky situation because she is the one that needs to decide if she values her friendship with you enough to deal with her feelings, or if maybe she is just too involved and needs to distance herself from you for her own peace of mind.

Now would be a good time for you think about what you want, also. Treat her gently but firmly. If you are sure you are in your relationship and you want to see that through, then be as even-keeled as you can with your friend- but don't put up with any bullshit.

To be completely honest, someone that really loves you will (eventually) just want you to be happy, whether that is with them or someone else. I hope that she can come to that place, but that's on her - not you.

[distantearlywarning]

5. +1

That's exactly what I thought when I read the OP.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

6. Same here -

just the notion that she won't (can't?) say your GF's name gives it all away.

You can't win, dear heart. She's not your friend any more.

BUT, if you and the GF broke up, she'd be right there to comfort you.

She's in love with you ...............

[REP]

9. Agree

Needs to put on her big girl pants and either move on and deal with it or admit it and deal with the outcome.

[Moondog]

11. Yeah, I think so too. See previous posts for reasoning.

[hippywife]

12. That was my first thought, too. n/t

[XemaSab]

14. +1

n/t

[myrna minx]

15. That was my first thought too. n/t

[JVS]

8. Ask her what her fucking beef is

[crim son]

10. Maybe she's feeling stressed and sad about all the changes

and potential losses (losing you, for example) and this is her foolish way of displaying it. If she had something like your undivided attention in the past it really isn't terribly surprising that she's unhappy not to have it now. And yeah, even though she has a fiancee.

I wouldn't write her off quite yet, but rather give her some space to consider her attitude and continue to be civil. I frankly despise it when one of my friends gets a girlfriend and drops me as if I was never a part of their life. She may be feeling that way even if it isn't so.

[Zech Marquis The 2nd]

13. I won't write her off completely

That would be an extreme reaction, and I'd rather avoid that at all costs. I did leave her a message on Google, basically I wrote,"I've found your recent behavior towards me quite disturbing..."