Passive Agressive Bad Poetry Thread:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

Please write some passive aggressive bad "poetry" aimed at your friend and family (NOT OF DU'ers---pretty please). Inspired by sniffa's thread to bibaby.



A poem for lisa:


please put..
everything you take out...
back where...
they belong...
you may think..
everythign
belongs on the floor...
or the couch..
but it does not..

[Lex]

1. I'm stealing that one for my SO too.

:hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. hi lex!

:hi:

[arcadian]

2. Stop leaving...

Little kleenex flowers...
All over the place...
When they bloom...
They are filled with snot...

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. LOVE IT!

[Inchworm]

4. Hehe

Super!

:rofl:

[Haole Girl]

6. .

delete

[Orsino]

7. I'd like to thank you for your advice...

Thank you for your advice.
Thank you for your advice.
I'm sure it was
Well-meant.
Well-meant.
Well-meant. And is as sensible as you could make it.
Make it.
Make it.
You are the best friend you can be.
Can be.
Can be.

[LaraMN]

8. k.

Leave me alone.
I have cramps.
I hate your shirt.
And your "golfing" pants.

Stop pissing on the rim.
And leaving toothpaste in the sink.
It's because of you
that I'm forced to drink.

I like your head.



(It's a love poem.)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

9. thats actually pretty good

[LaraMN]

10. "Cramps" and "pants" don't rhyme,

That was where I injected the extra bad-ness.

[arcadian]

11. It's actually close enough that it works.

[SKKY]

17. Wow. NathanielMN must have gotten all misty-eyes when you read that to him.

[Gormy Cuss]

12. Ode to my cat.

Five-thirty
is
not
the breakfast hour.

Neither is five-thirty-five
Nor five-forty.

That's why
you're locked
in the bathroom.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

13. ...

:rofl:

[Doc_Technical]

14. P.A. haiku

I followed orders
exactly like you told me
why are you yelling?

[Doc_Technical]

32. Reply by wife of Doc_Technical

I'm yelling because of the condescending smirk
on your face!

[KamaAina]

15. For My Sainted Mother

O sainted Mother,
You ask why I have chosen
to pursue
an avowed lesbian.

Having been there twice, at least,
you should surely know by now,
that in these matters,
one does not "choose".
Instead, it happens to you, all at once,
like a rockslide on Kamehameha Highway.

And trust me, O sainted one,
these words are as close as I have come to "pursuit"
over the course of these six tumultuous weeks.
Were I ever to pursue her,
I should surely be driven mad
and not only by the eight-hour flight to the mainland.

And as for "avowed lesbian"?
1954 called.
It wants its phraseology back,
O sainted Mother.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. ...

you win

[KamaAina]

27. Actually, I lose

that is based on an actual scheduled weekly Mom phone call, which in turn is based on an actual event that took place here in early May, that is still unfolding, in much the way that Katrina is still unfolding. :cry: :cry:

edit: Perhaps you could explain to me why it is that I seem to have reverse "'dar" when it comes to women. That is, my compass actually points south, for instance, toward you. :loveya: It's great to relate to so many terrific women -- but as I approach 45 in August, it'd be nice to find one who liked me back. :(

[suninvited]

18. that is beautiful

brought chill bumps, seriously !

[arcadian]

19. Please stop...

using the stove like a desk...
sometimes it is on...
and you burn stuff up...
like the cutting board...
and several pot holders...
I know...
Those are kitchen items...
But...
Sometimes...
I find...
Your earrings...
and jewelry...
Your purse...
Fabric for the sewing machine...
Among other highly flamable items...
Please stop...
Or you will burn the house down...
and we will be homeless...

[suninvited]

20. A poem for Fred

I love you,
my father
for all you have done for me
including
giving me life

But how do I now
ignore
all of the hatred
and bigotry
you spout out

Democrats, you say
are all
minorities or trash,
and you say
I am neither

I believe in things
you don't understand.
Equality and fairness.
Not judging those
that are not like
myself

All of your words
you believe
come from God
I think they come from
ignorance and bad
upbringing.


Please understand
I do not
believe in that God
that creates all
of the hate in you

I could not
believe in such
a God.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

21. At night

When I enter the bathroom in the dark
And sit down
Expecting a slight coolness on my thighs
And not wetness on my buttocks
I ask myself
Why
Why does he not see
Why does he not know
How can he stand there and not think
That he must do this thing for me
This little thing
Put the seat down
Put the seat down after you finish
Is it too much to ask?
Is it?

[cwydro]

22. Lol!

Why?!

[Sky Masterson]

23. To my cats

It's not wet-food time
you three furry fu_ks!:mad:
So quit clawing and meowing,
you're all out of luck.
Go nibble on dry and leave me alone.
I'm trying to write me a real shitty poem
So,beat it fur-babies.
Go away!
Please now.
I'm not feeding you any type of wet chow.
Oh, hell you win.You fat furry f_cks
Being a slave to three kitties
sometimes really sucks.

:P

[cwydro]

30. Love this one!

Gonna pin it up where mine can see it. Oh, wait...

[Sky Masterson]

34. Ha!

I hope yours read better than mine. :D Thank you.

[cwydro]

36. They've got me on ignore

and that goes for anything I write as well!:P

[Phentex]

24. Till Chef Do Us Part...

The pantry is full
But there's nothing to eat
You had fish for lunch
Don't try and repeat

Roast is too heavy
A salad's too light
No I don't mind planning
Your meals every night

I'm online again
With cooks.com
And Cooking & Baking
Epicurious, nom nom

I cook out of love
For better or worse
Replay the wedding tape
Is "cater" in any verse?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

29. brilliant

[Withywindle]

25. Here's two!

Your soft little paws
Tucked under your belly, so neat
Until I start to snore
Then you unveil the little needles
Peace, little one.
I must get up for work in only three hours,
I will feed you then.


I love our lazy afternoons,
In the comfortable silence of our long acquaintance,
and the latest episode of 'Whale Wars,'
while your clothes are spinning downstairs.
I am sorry that when we parted,
you got the building without the washing machines,
But now you do your laundry more often,
Than you ever did
when we shared
our not-well-ventilated love nest.

[Withywindle]

28. kick

bring it on!

[ismnotwasm]

26. This bad?

The remote is now mine
From your sleeping fingers
All is B Horror

[MilesColtrane]

31. .

My dear nephew,
I won't need to wish you luck,
With your fresh, name-brand degree
and corporate position
you'll be pulling three times what I make a year
in no time at all
So, when you call, trying to sell me insurance
I lovingly say, "Fuck Off"

[KittyWampus]

33. Dear Dad,

You may be a control freak now
But when you die
You'll finally have to learn
To let go

[DarkTirade]

35. I was

ready to go
fifteen minutes ago
you said you were in a hurry
where are you?
washing dishes

[Bunny]

37. For my BFF:

Keeping a clean shop is a lot of work.
It sometimes requires a helping hand.
Big, strong guy like you would come in handy.
Just sayin…

[UndertheOcean]

38. reminds me of someone I know !