I'm listening to this very NOT PC discussion right now on a health show. Do you think

[Mike 03]

it is irresponsible to "let yourself go" after you get married?

Are you under some obligation to maintain your fitness once you get married?

I'm not sure what I think. I was married, and my wife struggled a bit with her weight, but I didn't care. She was a great woman and she worked hard and she had many amazing qualities, and I didn't care if she gained a few pounds.

But, seriously, I'm listening to the radio and this is a life-or-death discussion and some people are so serious about it.

I'm curious what others think.

Does your spouse have an obligation to maintain his/her good shape? Is that part of the bargain when you get married?

[auntAgonist]

1. I feel that you have an obligation

to YOURSELF to maintain good health if at all possible. I would like to think my husband feels the same way as I do. In fact I'm sure he does.


aA

[Mike 03]

4. Health, good diet and exercise are good for so many reasons. I agree.

If you love someone, you want them to care about their health.

But when I was married we were so young we didn't think about things like growing older, lol.

I would not even have noticed my wife was gaining weight unless she told me, and she talked about it because it bothered her.

[alarimer]

2. "Let yourself go" usually only applies to women.

They have kids, maybe, or people just gain weight with age. So nobody looks like they did in college and they shouldn't be expected to.

This is just more sexist bullshit.

[Mike 03]

5. No, actually, I'm listening to this radio show even as I type this, and it applies to

men too.

I'm listening to the callers, and the talk show hosts, and it's equal.

[MorningGlow]

3. At one time I would have said yes, it is an obligation

And then I ran into some health problems, with weight gain as one of the inevitable side effects. I've struggled with my weight (and usually lost) ever since. And yet my husband never badgers me about my weight, which I appreciate. I would like to think that marriages built on more than the superficial would survive a few extra pounds on either spouse's part.

Personally, I feel worse about my weight gain than my husband does. I feel guilty that I'm not as good looking as I used to be.

[Mike 03]

6. That was true in my marriage too, and it made me sad.

I knew that she cared more than I did about her weight and appearance, and I feel so sad that she never seemed to believe me that it didn't matter. It didn't.

I just loved her, flaws and all.

And, the ridiculous thing is that we ALL have flaws. At least I did and do, and who the hell would I be to criticize her and when I had and still have so much work to do on myself.

One of the luckiest things in the world is to find someone, a partner, even if it doesn't last forever.

[MorningGlow]

7. You're a good man

Unfortunately there are a number of men (and women) who feel differently; they want their spouses to look like supermodels, and they say that their love would be affected if their spouses didn't maintain their looks. Sad, really.

Have you found someone else since? I do hope you have--any woman would be lucky to have you. :hi:

[sammythecat]

8. I think it's irresponsible to take your spouse for granted.

Weight gain caused by medications, pregnancies, depression, disease, genetics, etc, fall into the "for better or worse, in sickness and in health category" the same as a disfiguring accident would.

No one should be required to be a gym rat, and no one should expect their spouse to remain unchanged through time, but slothful behavior and making no effort at all to maintain your health is disrespectful to yourself and your spouse. I mean, bad breath can be caused by infection or disease, but if it's caused by a refusal to ever pick up a toothbrush then I would consider that "letting yourself go" and your spouse would have a right to complain. However, having said that, it's sometimes hard to delineate between someone just not giving a shit, and someone with a mental disorder.

[XemaSab]

9. Gaining 40 pounds, no problem

Gaining 200, not cool.

[Fleshdancer]

10. I hate the term "letting yourself go" because that's just not the way it works

People don't just wake up one day and think "I'm married now so I no longer care about my weight". It's usually a very gradual thing we deal with while also trying to focus on our marriage, kids, work, and simply getting older.

I personally would like to lose a few pounds that I've gained over the years (my husband wants to lose a few of his added pounds too) but if we let the added weight affect our marriage, then our priorities would be terribly screwed up at this point.

[noamnety]

11. That wasn't part of the marriage deal for me.

The husband and I have both gotten a little pudgier since we got married. I don't view his body changes as my business or mine as his business - I find that view kind of creepy, like bodies are owned by the other person, instead of shared with them.

I wonder if people who feel that way - offended by a change in their partner's appearance - also feel ashamed of their children if they don't "look right." I figure if you are into trophy wives (or husbands), you might also be into trophy children.

If, on the other hand, we understand unconditional love for our kids, we probably understand it for our partners as well.