* Post your bad jokes here *

[charlie and algernon]

The blind man's seein' eye dog
Pissed on the blind man's shoe
The blinds man said, "Here, Rover
Here's a piece of beef for you"
His wife said, "Don't reward him
You can't just let that pass"
The blind man said
"I gotta find his mouth
So I can kick him in the ass"

Bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me

You got one, Dusty?
I got one, Lefty.
Let's hear it.

When God created woman
He gave her not two breasts but three
When the middle one got in the way
God performed surgery
Woman stood before God
With the middle breast in hand
Said, "What do we do
With the useless boob?"
And God created man

Bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me

Gramps turned eighty the other day
And everybody was there
And he was dressed up in a brand new suit
Sitting in his big armchair
When a beautiful young naked woman
Stood up in front of the group
She offered Gramps some super sex
And he said, "I'll take the soup"

Bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me

You ready for another one?
Yeah, lay it on me.

Ole went to the neighborhood dance
And he won the big door prize
It was a toilet brush
And he took it home
And the next week one of the guys
Said, "Ole, how's that toilet brush?
The one you won from the neighbors?"
Ole said, "Oh, it works pretty good
But I prefer toilet paper"

Bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me

The farmer had a champion bull
Who bred 200 times a year
The farmer's wife said, "200 times?
Isn't that wonderful, dear?
Maybe you ought to watch him
Maybe he'll show you how"
The farmer said, "He's a heck of a bull
But it wasn't all with the same cow"

Come on, now, bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me

You've got another one, Dusty?
Actually I do
Did you hear about the Viagra shipment that got stolen?
No, who they think did it?
Well, they don't know, but they're on the lookout for hardened criminals.

You got another one?
I got another one, Lefty.

Sven said to his friend,
"Boy, I think my wife died."
His friend said,
"Well, what do you mean, you think?"
"Well, the sex is still the same,
but the dishes are stackin' up."

Hey, Dusty.
Yeah, Lefty?
Did you know that diarrhea was hereditary?
No, I didn't.
Yeah, it runs in your jeans.

Hey, uh, heh, Lefty?
Yeah? Go ahead.
Why do they call it PMS?
PMS? Why, I don't know. Why?
'Cause Mad Cow was already taken.

Hey, Dusty.
Yeah, Lefty?
What do you get when you cross holy water with castor oil?
I don't know, Lefty. What do you get?
A religious movement.

Hey, uh... hey, Lefty, what did the elephant say to the naked man?
What'd he say?
It's cute, but can you really breathe through that thing?

Come on, now.
Bad jokes
Lord, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad jokes for me
Bad jokes
Man, I love 'em
Bad jokes
Can't get enough of 'em
Ooowhee
Bad...whoo...jokes for me

[meegbear]

1. A girl says to her boyfriend "I heard you're a pedophile" ...

"Pedophile? That's a pretty big word for an eight year old."

[Richard Steele]

5. A man and a little boy are walking into the forest on a dark night...

The boy says, "Mister, this place is creepy. I'm scared!"
The man replies, "Imagine how I feel- I have to walk back out of here ALONE!"

[pdx_prog]

2. Daffy Duck

was staying in a posh hotel. He called the front desk to ask if someone would send up a pack of condoms. The woman at the front desk asked him if she should put them on his bill. He said, "No thhhtupid! I'd thhhuficate!

[cwydro]

3. Lol!

I really liked that one about the third boob!:P

[Doc_Technical]

4. Do you know how to make a car top?

Tep on the brake, tupid!

[derby378]

6. So, after this guy went on an unprotected sex spree in Bangkok...

...he came home to the States feeling a big ragged down below, so he went to visit the doctor.

"I have some bad news," his doctor said. "You have a very rare STD known as Mongolian VD."

"Can you give me a shot or a pill or something to cure it?" our horny tourist groaned.

"I'm afraid there's no known cure. The only thing we can do is amputate your penis."

Our oversexed American friend couldn't accept this, so he decided to seek a second opinion despite his doctor's insistence that his penis be surgically removed. He flew back to Bangkok, back to the scene of the crime, and sought out a Thai doctor who specialized in STDs.

The Thai doctor examined him and said, "You have definitely contracted Mongolian VD. Very rare disease."

"Can you do anything for me?" our distressed Lothario asked. "My doctor back in America said my penis needed to be cut off."

The Thai doctor shook his head. "That's the problem with American doctors - they're always so anxious to reach for the scalpel when something goes wrong. There's no need to operate."

The American sex tourist let out a big sigh of relief. "Thank God. I knew you could help me."

"No problem," said the Thai doctor. "Just wait two weeks, and your penis will fall off all by itself."

[Tuvok Obama]

7. When I was a kid, the standard bad joke was...

"Guess what? That's what!"

It wasn't until I dropped some acid that the joke finally made perfect sense.

[derby378]

8. kick (n/t)

[no name no slogan]

9. Q: What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold?

A: One's a sick duck, and I forget how the rest of it goes but you're mother's a whore.

[JTG of the PRB]

10. Two nuns walk into a bar...

...but the second one REALLY should have seen it coming.

[Nicole Lambeth]

11. what's a ninja's favorite drink?

wah-tah!

Sorry, that's my 6 yr. old niece's favorite joke, and we all crack up when she says it. Also, one of my highly inappropriate faves:

Why did God give women yeast infections? So they'd know what it was like to live with an irritating c*nt, too.

[donheld]

12. Why can't a bicycle stand on it's own?

It's too tired

[EastTennesseeDem]

13. Hypothetically, would it be bad if I were

actually laughing at a lot of these?






















Not that I am of course.

[coyotespaw]

14. What do you get when you cross an elepant and a rhino?

elephino...
(say it out loud, laugh and move on.)

[coyotespaw]

15. what do you do if a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back...
I'll be here all night, try the veal, it's amazing.