Best (worst) gift to give someone else's kid

[MajorChode]

When I was a toddler, my uncle gave me a drum for X-mas which I particularly enjoyed playing as soon as I woke up (usually around dawn).

My dad retaliated a year later by getting all my cousins those guns that shot the little rubber BBs, complete with 1000 rounds of extra ammo. My uncle called for a truce soon after.

[Patiod]

1. There's this couple that's a friends with my SO's, and I hate them

and their awful, badly-behaved, piggy children.

For years, SO insisted we buy gifts for the spoiled brats, so I purchased:
- Super soakers
- a golf game that makes a really loud noice when the giant club hits the ball
- electronic drums

If it combines loud noise AND potential indoor destruction, then I was sold!!

Another couple he's friends with have nice (if boisterous) little boys, and we either buy them balls or classic children's books preferable collections of bedtime-length boy-oriented stories, which the parents have told us that everyone involved REALLY appreciates!

[TommyO]

2. Two Words:

Lawn Darts

We got them as kids from our uncle, we had a great time with them and managed to not have one lodged in our skulls.

[LeftyMom]

3. Play-doh. Fingerpaint. Anything that takes a lot of batteries and makes noise.

[Orrex]

8. Holy fuck, ain't that the truth

Back in my day, when this was all fields, the most annoying electronic toy would make a noise for as long as you held the button. Nowadays, you press the button once, and you get 45 seconds of ear-splitting cacophony. And the really sadistic toys allow a "stacking" of noise-sequences, so that if you press the button twice, you get 90 seconds, and so on.

Aaaaarrggh!

[LeftyMom]

10. When my son was small one of my "friends" gave him a battery operated firetruck

It made such an earsplitting racket whenever it rolled on the floor that my son burst into tears the first time he tried to play with it and thereafter would tiptoe around it for fear of triggering the noise again. Moreover, the thing had no off button.

I have never been happier to donate a toy. Though in retrospect some sort of ceremonial destruction involving holy water and a sledgehammer might have been a better idea.

[krispos42]

29. And now the toys beg to be played with if you haven't pressed a button in a while

:eyes:

[Orrex]

46. We don't allow such abominations in the house

Bad enough I have an stray orange tabby trying to move in and take over; I don't need a little silicon parasite dictating terms from the bottom of the toy box!

[Midlodemocrat]

36. I LOVE play-doh. I let them play in the kitchen and then when

the stuff dropped to the floor, I would let it harden and then sweep it up.

Of course, getting it out of the carpeting is a different matter altogether.

[tigereye]

43. yeah, I loved play doh as a kid, and as a parent - it was so good for all the

tactile senses and creativity.

[HopeHoops]

4. Worst: An accordion.

If you REALLY hate the parents, get an accordion for the kid - WITH a music book that comes with a practice CD.

[deucemagnet]

16. Welcome to hell. Here's your accordion.

[HopeHoops]

39. You understood!

:evilgrin:

[ZombieHorde]

5. Knuckle sandwich. nt

[AwakeAtLast]

6. Something cool

that will break the third time it gets used. :evilgrin:

[mcctatas]

7. My mother has the worst gift down to an artform...

I think she is getting out her left-over resentment for the hell I put her through as a teenager :P

some of her greatest hits thus far:

2 talking E.T. dolls, what we didn't know was that they would talk to each other if left on so one night I am laying in bed and hear this creepy giggling and stuff, I was just about to either call the police or stroke out when I realized what it was.

baton's and baton lessons for the girls (18 month age difference), they had no aptitude for twirling, but the younger one used hers to bash her older sister about the head before I was able to confiscate them

a 1,000 piece farm set for the but tutcher (1,000 pieces, 'nuff said)

Feather boas for the girls that not only lost their feathers like they had some weird molting disease, but they also became the boys favorite things in the world. It is hard to explain a 3 year old boy draped in purple and pink feather boas when you drop him off at daycare :crazy:

There have been others, but these are the ones that come immediately to mind

[MajorChode]

9. When I was about 8, someone got me a toy soldier set

My dad managed to find a swordsman with his bare feet in the middle of the night. The scream woke up everyone in the house. He always hated them after that.

[LeftyMom]

11. flvegan gave LK a remote control Tyranosaur/ cat torturer when he was four

I'd be sitting in my office (I worked at home in those days,) then I'd see the cat go running by my door, followed by the dinosaur, whir stomp, whir stomp, and then the head would arc up and roar, then it would start in after the cat again.

That cat still hates my son. :eyes:

[mcctatas]

12. That is truly evil

I hope you made him pay :evilgrin:

Here's a Henry to ease the trauma that dredging up that memory must have caused ;)

[LeftyMom]

13. I knew I liked you.

[JVS]

14. what's wrong with a 1000 piece farm set?

[mcctatas]

17. Have you ever had 1,000 pieces of plastic swine, cattle, poultry

and horse strewn about your living room (not to mention the assorted fencing pieces, farm implements and tractors?) And it goes without saying that the one thing you miss when picking up is a tiny hard plastic object that finds the softest part of your foot when you stomp on it at 3 AM :P

[JVS]

18. I don't have any kids, so I can't really relate.

:woohoo:

[mcctatas]

19. sure, rub it in!

:P

[JVS]

21. It's a daily miracle

[Liberal_in_LA]

27. I remember those farm kits. lol

[PaddyBlueEyes]

23. ohhh I have some good ideas..

:evilgrin:

[mcctatas]

24. tread lightly!

:spank:

[PaddyBlueEyes]

25. here are a couple

for C.... an super duper loud amp and new electric guitar

for M... a book on militant lesbians and how to lead protests

for F....a dexter's lab chemistry set!!

[mcctatas]

32. There is not a hell hot enough for you if you EVER provide any

of the spawn with any of those things (until they move out of the house that is :P )

[PaddyBlueEyes]

35. so I shouldnt bring them with me

next week?

[JVS]

15. chemistry sets

[Arugula Latte]

20. You know what's a cool, cheap, kickass thing to get a kid? A ginormous cardboard box.

[annabanana]

22. Something that isn't cool "enough" unless expensive additions

and upgrades are purchased at regular intervals...

[pokerfan]

26. A slide whistle

for when a drum kit might too extravagant.

[jeff30997]

28. Uranium,

If the kid don't have the tools for uranium enrichment process then it's a lousy gift.:evilgrin:

[PaddyBlueEyes]

30. except

you will always be able to find them...look for the glowing kid!

[jeff30997]

37. OMFG !!! LOL!!!

Cant..breath...laughing...to...hard...:rofl:

[krispos42]

31. You laugh... they actually had those back in the '50s

http://www.orau.org/ptp/collection/atomictoys/GilbertU238Lab.htm


"Mom, the cat's losing her hair again..."

[Midlodemocrat]

33. I would say live ammunition.

[MajorChode]

34. Gunpowder....

My dad sent me over to help a friend of his clean out his recently deceased father's basement. It turns out that he was an avid reloader and had a couple of kegs of gunpowder. My dad's friend was a bit crazy anyway and he gave me the two kegs and told me to have fun with them. A few days later my dad caught me doing some experimenting (luckily before I blew myself to hell).

[SoxFan]

38. ...

[Rhythm]

45. You owe me a keyboard, Sox...

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[InvisibleTouch]

50. As a kid I would have killed, absolutely killed...

...and/or promised the sun and the moon and good behavior for the rest of my life for one of those things on your list. Anyone who knows me IRL would have no trouble figuring out which one. As it is, I will only say ... it's the most beautiful one. :)

[Missy Vixen]

40. Anything with a siren on it

Let's just say that our two-year-old twin nephews got police cars with real sirens on them for a recent holiday. My SIL deserves it.

I wish I felt guilty about this. :rofl: :party:

[Rabrrrrrr]

41. Absolute proof that there is no way, no possible way at all, that they might be adopted.

Especially devastating for the older kids, like teenagers.

[wickerwoman]

42. I got a rock polisher for my tenth birthday.

My parents got polished rocks for their next ten birthdays. Each.

Set and match.

:evilgrin:

[blue neen]

44. An ant farm.

You used to be able to order them from the JCPenney catalog. I don't know it they have them these days.

My co-worker threatened me with a slow death if I bought one for her daughter. :)

[InvisibleTouch]

51. Oooh, I had one of those!

Yes, the ants got out.

[davsand]

47. Oh--are you wanting an inventory of Aunt Edna's gifts over the years?

Kev's Aunt Edna gives the WORST toys in the world when it comes to noise. Of COURSE they are hugely popular but without fail they are annoying as hell.

Tickle Me Elmo, followed the next year by Rock and Roll Elmo. Think those are cute toys? Just listen to the damn things a few million times in the back of the car on that three hour car ride home.

The little battery powered yipping dog. Bless her heart, that toy is most efficient on battery use because the f***er KEEPS on yipping. By the hour.

The Marionette. I'll grant you it is not a noisemaker, but it involves strings. LOTS of strings. Kids make knots by simply breathing and puppets are a trip to hell when you have to untangle them. By the HOUR.

The giant stuffed Penguin that rode home strapped into a passenger seat. It sat higher than the kid did. Stupid thing takes up half the bed. Very soft and very cuddly. Probably weighs as much as the kid does.

The five foot stuffed tiger. A behemoth that takes up one end of our family room sofa. Some of his fur has worn off by now...

The giant Barbie Bus with the built in speakers and light show(!!!)

The Brats Limo with the working radio station...


Do I need to go any further? I swear to you we are storing EVERY one of those gifts and if Edna EVER has a grandchild they are all getting sent to her so her grandchild can play with them all at Grandma Edna's house.

:evilgrin:


Laura

[LostInAnomie]

48. Lawn darts

[ashling]

49. I hit the roof when I found out that the lady across the street had been

telling my daughter that she was having evil thoughts!

[Withywindle]

52. the White Zombie box set!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8744026

[annonymous]

53. A toy that plays the same song over and over

My sister-in-law gave my son a gorilla that played "Great Balls of Fire" whenever you pressed a button when my son was 2. We had to listen to that toy for almost a week until it finally broke. My son also got a fire truck that had an especially loud siren for his birthday when he was two. That toy was my son's favorite but didn't annoy me as much as that damned gorilla.

Years ago, Dear Abby ran a column on what not to get children for X-mas. Some of her picks were toy drums, ant farms, and lawn darts. I wonder how many people used that list for gift ideas.

[lazyriver]

54. A friend of mine who hates his brother but loves his nephew

sent the kid a refrigerator box full of Styrofoam peanuts with a case of black Sharpie markers inside on his fourth birthday. Evil genius.