My mom has Alzhiemers...

[Javaman]

She's 85. A beautiful woman, who once had an intellect hard to rival. Although she never went to college, she was extremely well read and people mistook her often for being a college professor. She has/had a wonderful sense of humor. Her favorite was Henny Youngman and his one liners.

She grew up in Brooklyn, NY to second generation Germans. Her dad (my grandfather) was a plumber and her mom was a homemaker. She is the last surviving member of her immediate family. She had 4 brothers and one sister, my aunt was the last one and passed away a few years ago. Her parents passed away the year before I was born.

She knew Jackie Gleason before he was somebody. She loved swing music and loved to dance especially the lindy hop. She loved the Rolling Stones. She was able to do the Times crossword in pen.

Her personal hobby was researching the European Royal houses. She enjoyed books on diseases and pathology.

Not knowing how to cook when she got married, she learned from my dads mom. (Italian Grandma). I have a personal bias, but I think she was an amazing cook/chef. She could make something truly wonderful from nothing. The "McGiver of the kitchen". She loved animals and nature. She loved fine stemware. She collected teacups from all over the world. Her favorite flower is the daisy.

Even though she had all of the amazing qualities, she lived a hard life. Being a child of the depression, she always worried about money. She began collecting things as she got older. Oddly, plastic bags. My dad, to put it very very very mildly, wasn't the easiest person to live with. I'll stop there.
So as a result, she lived through a very trying and difficult marriage when my dad was alive. (although he did finally mellow in his later years).

My mom. I love her. But with Alzheimer's, it eventually takes over and the person you once knew, the person you once loved, vanishes before your eyes. I miss her.

Why am I writing this? It's one thing for a person you love to die suddenly. Hits you like a bolt. The instant flood of emotions.

My mom, is dying. Although slowly, the flood of emotions comes in waves. Sometimes, I'm totally fine and other times, well...

I have a feeling I'm going to lose her this year. She's fainting more. She's more confused. And she really no longer knows who I am other than someone she likes/trusts.

I just needed to write this.

Thanks.

[Bertha Venation]

1. I am moved to tears

I'm sorry, Javaman.

[LaurenG]

2. ***

:grouphug: I am so sorry Javaman. :hug:

[EastTennesseeDem]

3. My family has a long history of Alzheimer's

It is an evil, evil disease. It would be disingenuous of me to say that I know exactly what you're going through, but my grandmother does have it. After Katrina (she and her husband are New Orleanians) when they took refuge in Chattanooga, she would beg my grandfather to stay in the room because she didn't know who her son and grandson were, and didn't trust us. It was heartbreaking to see my dad fight back his emotions at this.

My deepest, sincerest condolences.

[Heidi]

4. Hold close these memories of your mother, my friend. They are her essence

and they're what she'll want you to remember. We lost my dear grandfather--a great intellect, retired school principal, a diehard Dem for nearly 90 years in a very red state-- last fall. You'll get through this, just as my brother, sister, cousins and I did. It's a cruel, cruel thing, Alzheimer's, all the way around. :hug: :hug:

[tigereye]

5. my mom was diagnosed with this recently -

You have my sympathy - my mom is also well-read and very witty.

I wish you well - it's a lot to take on. :hug:

[JitterbugPerfume]

6. I am so sorry Javaman

I lost my mom to dementia and it is so sad . After all these years my sisters and I can finally talk about mom as she was before her illness without crying.

There are four of us , all approaching "that age" sometimes I look at them and I wonder whih one will be the one to "get " it?

maybe me? It is unthinkable--but yet?

:grouphug:

[FloridaJudy]

7. I'm so sorry

That's the most heart-breaking diagnosis in the world.

[Flaxbee]

8. I'm so sorry, Javaman. But thank you for

writing about her so well - she sounds like a wonderful woman.

My mom has early AD, though it's been held in abeyance by some meds for a while. Not sure how long we have, though. Hold all these memories close, they are what she'd want you to remember.

:hug:

[piratefish08]

9. You have my deepest sympathy.

I've lived through this as well and it's painful to watch a person you love disappear day by day.

Be with her as much as you can, hold her hand, thumb through books on Royal Houses. It'll comfort you and she will "feel" it even when she doesn't "know" it.

Best wishes, stay strong.

[Mugu]

10. I have also been down this road.

My most sincere sympathies.

[blueknight]

11. it breaks my heart

im so sorry.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

12. She'll always be your Mom,

even if she can't recognize you. Somewhere in her heart, she knows you, she knows when you're nearby, she takes comfort in that reality. I honestly believe that. I've seen it.

Your Mom sounds like a remarkable woman. Your love letter - for that's what it is - reminded me of my own mother. Very similar. Very wonderful. Very brave women.

Your Mother raised a remarkable son, and she knows it. Trust me - she knows it, even now.

I'll be holding you both in a small place in my heart, and wishing you a safe journey...............

[Q3JR4]

13. I'm sorry to read it Javaman.

I'm currently the caretaker for an elderly 84 year old woman who is also suffering from Alzheimer's. She made things with her hands, blankets, most of her clothing, beautiful dolls with silk dresses, china, the list is practically endless. Now there is no way she can do any of it.

I don't presume to know what you're going through, but I can't help but think about how I'd feel if the woman I'm working with was my mother. Alzheimer's is a horrible, nasty disease, and it breaks my heart that you have to deal with it.

:hug:

Q3JR4.

[Midlodemocrat]

14. My dad had it as well. It's a horribly cruel disease.

[applegrove]

15. So sorry.

[Turbineguy]

16. So sorry to read that

is she going to take any medication?

[Vidar]

17. My sympathies. My Dad , Grandmother & aunt died of this

horrid disease.

[bluesbassman]

18. My heart goes out to you Javaman.

I lost my father two years ago, and the last year he was in full blown Alzhiemers. The hardest part was him not kowing who we were. A little time though has softened the last year, and I now just remember him for all he was. My best to you and your family as you cope with this.:hug:

[SalmonChantedEvening]

19. As one who went through a parent dying suddenly...

I can only offer this advice: Hang on and cling to even the toughest of moments. There are so many things I never got to say to, or do with my Dad before he died. These will be the last pages in a life's scrapbook that is entirely your own.

I beg you, fill them with love and closeness. Live for the Like and Trust.

Much Love Javaman. :hug: :loveya:

[Bossy Monkey]

20. Try to take pictures/ get pictures of her childhood places

I had my then girlfriend take a picture of me in front of my grandmother's house (at a time when I had longish hair and was wearing dark clothes). My mother said, "Who's that nun in front of my mother's house?" I also took a picture of another Charleston scene, which she also remembered. They were two of the last things she could ever recognize.