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He's 95. My husband, only 36. (His older brother is in his seventies. It makes for interesting family reunions--I relate more to my father-in-law's great-grand-kids in Italy than his firstborn son--who I see as pretty much older than my own dad.) My hubby's gone down to the hospital where 911 took Dad (we consulted with my sister-in-law, who is a nurse, when a phone call from Daddy had him complaining of pain and numbness and some slightly slurred speech.)
He turns 96 this year. That is really old. But he's such a character to his family, I think they, my husband included, see him as living forever. And I know what they mean--my grandfather is 97. I know me and my cousins all really look up to him--he's a big part of where we got our spirit and measure of "toughness". I remember Pop-pop wouldn't give me an easy win at checkers when I was five--he believed even little kids needed to learn to lose, to learn to win. I think I owe my love of puzzles and mysteries to him--he still does Cryptograph and Crosswords to this day. He's why my dad learned to fight, and passed it on to me. And all of us are off-color humorists. But my grandfather also has a cancer that he isn't treating. (He might still make it to 100--it spreads slow with old people--or so we've been told.) So we love him, but we've already steadied ourselves--and also our Mom-mom, his wife passed, not too long ago, so, well, I think when it comes, we'll be ready. Also, he's a planner--so my mom and dad and the rest of the fam know what to do--burial-wise.
But it isn't quite the same with my spouse's dad. I don't think he ever planned against the day. And he still could speak, so he may very well be doing fine, for now. His own dad saw a long life, I'm told. My grandad's dad saw 100 yrs, so I know people can live one long time. My mother-in-law wasn't terribly put-out.
All the same--96 is old. I wonder if "pre-mourning" is a real emotion. And I worry about my husband, who anyway has to deal with my father-in-law's care, since my father-in-law has scant English and really can't do for himself. My own parents seem young and hale and are vigorous baby-boomers in comparison to his folks. I'm not sure how to comfort my husband, who just always has had really old parents. Mine can still take care of me. His needed him since he was a teenager, to run interference by speaking the language and understanding the rules--since forever. Sometimes, I think he's like a child and a parent to them. And I think that's an amazing thing for him to manage--respecting them for raising him, but sometimes having to be the boss. My too-young-to-have-those-parents hubby is sometimes a little old for me. But I like that about him.
My morbid questions:
Anyone else lose a paterfamilias? Was the whole family affeted?
Anyone the young-ish child of very old parents--how do you cope?
Does preparing to lose a loved one ever make up for the actual event? Does planning lighten the load?
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