Hi...I'm back from the ER...

[bicentennial_baby]

I'm so exhausted, I can barely see straight.

I got there, she was on oxygen...A Dr came in and basically told me that while her oxygen levels were good, she was too weak to get the Co2 back out, and that her levels were getting dangerous.

We decided to try the Bi-Pap machine, but after a half hour, it wasn't working. So I basically had to make a decision on the spot:

Ventilator or let her go.

I rushed outside to call my brother, just as my sister was arriving. We decided to ventilate her, and move her to Worcester where her ALS team is, so that we can gather the family together and make a decision, including my Dad.

I think we all know what that decision will be, sadly. :(

I'm home, so tired, and having a stiff drink. My head hurts. I slept like shit last night. This is so much harder than I could have imagined. I've never had to make a life-or-death decision like that. It's not fair.

Thanks for all of the good wishes and thoughts. :grouphug:

[Richardo]

1. .

:hug:

[XemaSab]

2. I'm so sorry

:pals:

[PeaceNikki]

3. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

:hug:

[supernova]

4. We're never really ready for it

no matter how old or young we are. I've been where you are.

My mom passed away 13 years ago this summer and of course, she's still with me.

:grouphug:

[Oeditpus Rex]

5. It's not fair, no

No child should ever be put in that position. I thank my lucky stars that I never was, and I'm so sorry you were, and for all of this.

:hug: :loveya:

[bicentennial_baby]

19. I know, right?

I'm the healthcare proxy for both parents. Funny how I'm the middle child, and yet, as my Ex said last night, I'm actually the big sister that everyone's going to lean on from here on out. Fucking fantastic.

At least my Sister made a grand reappearance at the last moment. Figures.

/rant over

:loveya:

[RetroLounge]

6. ...

:hug:

RL

[MrScorpio]

7. I'm so very sorry

:hug:

[sniffa]

8. I love you

:hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

10. I love you too

I'm ok, just shellshocked and exhausted. You can tell your Mom that I'm not up for any calls right now. You can relay any info that I give you.

:hug:

[KitchenWitch]

9. No it is not fair

:hug:

I think moving her to Worcester is the right decision.

[bicentennial_baby]

12. I think so too

I felt selfish making that decision, but I wanted my Dad to be able to see her again, and for my Grandma to be able to say goodbye to her daughter. It was Grandma's birthday yesterday, she's 88.

:hug:

[jobycom]

21. Nothing selfish about it. You are showing us all incredible strength, even if it doesn't

feel like it right now. There is no easy decision in this case, and you made the one that helps the most people.

I'm used to trying to make people see the positive in a situation, but the only positive here is that you are doing what others need you to do, and you will one day get through it. Wish there was more. :hug:

[KitchenWitch]

22. That is not selfish at all.

Gives everyone close to her a chance to see her and say goodbye.

Took a lot of strength and courage to make that decision.

:hug:

[graywarrior]

11. I've been there twice, bi-baby.

I wish I could carry this for you. It's a tough thing you and your family are going through and I'll keep you in my heart.

[Fleshdancer]

13. I am so sorry

I can only imagine how heavy this decision must weigh on you and your family. You and yours are in my thoughts.

:hug:

[leftyclimber]

14. ..

:hug:

[fizzgig]

15. i am so sorry you have to make such a decision

:hug:

[Midlodemocrat]

16. I'm sorry you're going through this, sweetie. It royally sucks.

[bicentennial_baby]

18. You said it, my dear friend

My head is spinning. I'm shellshocked. I jump every time the phone rings. I've never sobbed in the arms of a Dr I've never met before. That was weird.

I'm hating life right now. A lot.

:hug:

[SeattleGirl]

17. baby, I'm so sorry.

:hug:

[Blue Diadem]

20. I'm sorry Bi.

I do think you and your siblings made the right decision, you've thought of both your Dad and your Grandma getting to say goodbye and I think that's really important for everyone including your Mom.

:hug:

[Amaya]

23. I'm so sorry

you are in my thoughts :hug:

[lizziegrace]

24. I'm so sorry

:hug:

I can't begin to imagine all the emotion and sadness.

[seemunkee]

25. There are no easy decisions at this time

Been there myself. It sounds like your parent's put the right person in change.
:hug:

[DeepBlueC]

26. Choices we hope never to have...

I'm so sorry that this one found you. Be good to yourself.

[bigwillq]

27. I will keep Mom, you and your family in my thoughts.

:hug:

[flvegan]

28. Fair never comes into it, no.

I'm sorry, hon. :hug:

[tigereye]

29. I am so sorry - it's so difficult to go through such difficult choices...

I have had several friends and family members who have had to make those kinds of choices.


:hug:

[skygazer]

30. Ah, honey I'm so sorry

I wish you strength now and in the days ahead. :hug:

[Dappleganger]

31. I am so sorry--don't ever 2nd-guess having to buy some time

in order to make that decision TOGETHER. We did the same with my mother last year, even went home to sleep on it AFTER agreeing because we didn't want my bi-polar/ALZ father to give us grief later on. I am very grateful we didn't feel rushed into that process. It took at least 8 hours after the vent was removed, too.

Make sure you take advantage of any help which is offered and don't be afraid to ask. You're not superhuman and this is also about YOU. ALS is a wicked thing--we're doing a walk on Saturday in support of our dear friend who has is and probably won't last until the end of the year. :(

[bicentennial_baby]

36. Thank you so much for doing the walk

:hug: It means a lot to me. Seriously.

[Dappleganger]

37. Hopefully this will help you smile...

http://web.alsa.org/site/TR/Walks/FloridaWalk?team_id=110580&pg=team&fr_id=5350

We're Ballowe's Bunch--look at the picture, I'm the goofy woman on the far left next to the lady w/the white ballcap.

I'm walking for you, your mom and for my buddy Larry and his sweet wife, Laurie. :loveya:

[bicentennial_baby]

38. Great looking crew!

Thank you so much, really. I hope to be able to do a walk once this is over.

You're the best. :loveya:

[Gormy Cuss]

32. It's not fair.

It sucks. It truly sucks.
:hug:

[laylah]

33. I am so very sorry..

I got news of my mom's demise via cell phone 900 miles away...I know this is hard for you but since I have "followed" you and your posts for many times, while you may not think you are up to the task, you are.

Thoughts, prayers, and white light coming your way. :hug:

[applegrove]

34. So sorry.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

35. Oh, honey ............

You're doing everything right and you cannot make a mistake. Keep that in mind.

You are perfect now, and you are always correct.

I'll be thinking of you, sweetie .......................

[bicentennial_baby]

39. Thank you sweetie

my new friend. :)

I'm trying to keep my head above water...that's all I can really do right now.

[Flaxbee]

40. it sounds like you have done everything you could, and everything

right this time. Moving her to Worcester so her mom can see her, too, is wonderful. I'm so sorry you have to say goodbye this way, and now. :hug:

[BarenakedLady]

41. You are in my thoughts.

I'm so sorry.

:hug:

[SPKrazy]

42. I'm sorry bibaby

:hug: hug:

at this point it isn't a life or death decision, it just feels like it. I don't envy you and your family having to let go. It sounds like the answer is there for all of you to find together.

love you bibaby :hug:

[RiffRandell]

43. I am so sorry.

Vibes for you and your family.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

44. Loving vibes for strength of spirit bi_baby

And for rest.

Times like these cam wreck a body.

You, your brother, sister, Dad and sniffa are all in my thoughts. :hug: :loveya: :hug:

[PassingFair]

45. My dad made that one easy by telling us in advance: "No Ventilator".

He had seen his mother die on one, and he
knew that once his diaphragm went, he wouldn't
be able to go off of it.

Good thing is, the Co2 levels made him so
sleepy he just kind of slid off.

I was with him at the end.
The most horrible moment that
I never would have missed for
the world.

Life's a bitch, and then....

Stay strong, BiBaby.

:hug:

[Steven_S]

46. You and your mom are often in my thoughts

You did the right thing by moving her where the ALS team is. Sadly, it doesn't sound like mom would tolerate a tracheostomy well. Just love her and do the best you can. :hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

48. Thank you, my friend

:hug:

I'm trying.

You take care of you. :)

[Starry Messenger]

47. .

:hugs: and vibes. You are wise and strong. I can't even imagine doing half of what you have done for your family. Peace. I'll keep your family in my thoughts.

[Dinger]

49. Awwww, Hugs To You Sweetie

Be well. I'm thinking of you, and sending good vibes. Hope it works.:grouphug:

[JohnnyLib2]

50. At the toughest of times,

I suspect you are making her proud. Every wish for comfort for all of you. :hug:

[latebloomer]

51. I'm so sorry

This sucks.

I know you will make the right decision, but it is so hard and so sad.

White light to you, Mom and all the family.