Funny Stuff for Pet Owners..

[firedupdem]

I thought I would share this in the lounge.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints a re yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear20pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they

(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train, ( most of the time ? )
(4) normally come when called ( normally? )
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

:rofl:

[TZ]

1. "fur"-niture!

How true! Thanks for posting....:rofl:

[firedupdem]

2. The person that sent it to me has always had a bunch of cats

and dogs and I would complain about them when I visited. Now that I have a dog, I can see what a jerk I was! We laugh about it now that I've totally changed my tune and my dog runs the house! :)

[Pool Hall Ace]

3. Oh, I can so relate, especially about the space they take up on the bed.

My dachshund has been none to push me to the other side of the king-size bed. It's his bed, of course, and I should be so privileged to sleep in it!

Parents will probably be offended by the last part, but meh.

[Lil Missy]

4. I can't stress this one enough:

"The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run."

And this should also include my shit-ass dog that tears up my pillows and blankets every day!

My dear faithful pooch, I will never abandon you. You will always have a home here. But this is getting fuckin' annoying. Stop it! Else I my have to start the daily beatings.

(As if you'd take me seriously. :eyes:)

[Lil Missy]

5. my dog made me kick this.

:)