I Have a Major Pet Peeve.....

[slinkerwink]

I don't like it when guys assume that bisexual girls are "sluts" or that they're in for threesomes. Or that they assume that bisexual girls are better than straight girls. I also don't like hearing my bisexuality being mentioned as if it meant that I was a slut, or that it was a very desireable part of me. I am a very monogamous girl, and I don't slut it out just because I'm bisexual. I also hate the idea of threesomes. When guys here make that assumption, it really pisses me off. For those guys to remember in the future, please do not treat my bisexuality as if it's a hot commodity, or that it casts certain assumptions onto me. Also, please refrain from making sexual comments about me.

There---the pet peeve's finished.

[MrScorpio]

1. It's a side effect of being the fantasy girl of 90% of hetero guys

Porn flicks don't help either. All you can do is just be you. Once these jerks learn to separate the fantasy from the reality, things might change for you.

[slinkerwink]

2. hopefully my post will help clear things up

[slinkerwink]

4. I also think that they know what they're doing by making those

inappropriate comments about me, and that any amount of so-called ignorance won't excuse those posts.

[Lefta Dissenter]

11. Face it,

NOBODY wants to be thought of as a slut - regardless of their sexual preference. People who imply that about you aren't worth the time you take to think about them.

[slinkerwink]

14. it's gotten to be a real problem the last couple of days

[Lefta Dissenter]

22. Listen, Slink

People can be idiots. And the anonymity of the internet contributes to that. I've seen your photo. You're a darling girl. I'm sure plenty of guys looked at your picture and had all sorts of 'great ideas' without even thinking about what YOU might be interested in. I don't know if some of this stupidity happened last night, when it appeared that there was a lot of drinking going on in the Lounge, but you well know that alcohol contributes to the lack of any sort of judgement in what one says.

You're too bright and motivated to even waste your time with their crap. Your sex life is nobody's business besides you and your partner... Well, apparently it's Ashcroft's business, too, but he's in the hospital, so he isn't thinking about you right now. ;)

Just blow it off. People who care about who you really are aren't saying those things, and they're the only ones who matter.

Chin up, girl. :pals:

[slinkerwink]

25. I hope Asscroft's in the hospital for a loooong time.....

so he won't investigate my medial records, heh.

[slinkerwink]

36. awww, thank too....

[Lefta Dissenter]

3. Hehe, I think it's the same for

lesbian girls. My daughter's roommates are a lesbian couple. My daughter is straight. But when males hear about her living with this couple, they get all charged up about it, like there's some way for THEM to get involved. Duh. This couple has been together for a while now, and seem just as committed to their relationship as my daughter is to her relationship with her boyfriend. People are just idiots. Or morAns, of course...

[slinkerwink]

5. I'll take both the former and the latter

besides, why do guys think their comments are "flattering" or that the girl will find them flattering?

[WillyBrandt]

10. Guys are ignorant, and eager for a chance to flirt

And when a girl reveals that she's a bisexual or a lesbian, it is taken as a chance to flirt. An analogy: if a girl tells her bra size or whatever, the guy nearby will (usually justifiably) take it as a chance to flirt, since such private information is often given off as a cue by the female.

So, saying that you're gay or bisexual is taken as a confession of a private sexual/senual matter, and therefore as an opening for flirtaeous chitchattery.

Where the ignorance is, is in guys confusing a deep part of identity--and not merely sexual identity--with trivial little bits of sexual information that are cues for flirtatious back-and-forth.

Of course, some guys simply thinks lesbians and bisexuals are just sluts an freaks, and that is ignorance of a far ranker sort. But that's something else

I'm not trying to justify this--at all--but hopefully shed a little light on this dynamic and why otherwise smart and decent and sensitive guys might act the way they do.

[slinkerwink]

13. well, why should saying I'm gay or bisexual be an invitation

for flirtation? especially when I've also said that I'm in a committed relationship with a wonderful girl?

[WillyBrandt]

18. Because people get stupid ideas lodged in their heads

Guys--and people generally--are rarely eager to back off, and continue being dumb.

I just wanted to explain part of it. Another part might be that people might not take seriously the idea that a bisexual girl (or guy?) would treat each gender as an equally worthy and serious source of partners. (Again, not justifying it; just presenting what is a common bit of ignorance and/or bigotry.)

One thing, though: you still haven't explained if this wonderful girl is a Dean supporter!

[slinkerwink]

20. this wonderful girl is ABB

I'd also like to know why stupidity is often an accepted excuse for the way guys behave.

[WillyBrandt]

21. Accepted? I don't know why.

For what it's worth, properly upset posts like the ones you just made knocks a bit of sense into people.

[slinkerwink]

24. I hope it did, and they're making a note out of that

If I see any more posts making judgements about me based on my sexuality, I'll raise the roof on them.

[Samurai_Writer]

81. Answer:

Slinkerwink says: "well, why should saying I'm gay or bisexual be an invitation for flirtation? especially when I've also said that I'm in a committed relationship with a wonderful girl?"

I was EXACTLY in your position a few years ago -- a bisexual woman in a committed relationship with another woman (who was a lesbian). I cannot TELL you how many guys thought "But you're bi, you can't be monogamous with a woman." It's like they think if you're bi you can't live without d*ck. Well, got news for you guys, truly bi women enjoy BOTH men and women and can have committed relationships with EITHER gender.

[foreigncorrespondent]

51. I agree with you.

A couple of months ago I was playing pool over at pogo.com, and this jerk from England came in to the room I was in. Anyway, he started getting very personal, and made it quite obvious that he wanted to cyber. I asked him if he realized I was a lesbian, and with that, he tried even harder to get me to cyber. In the end I had to leave the game.

[gator_in_Ontario]

75. "But dear...

you just haven't been with the right man!"
That's the ole 'conversion' myth...propelled by ego and ultimately fear. The primal fear that we really can exist quite nicely without them! We can make love in the most satisfying way imaginable with no man present! We can even change our own lightbulbs and tires, and kill own own spiders! ACK!:o

Interesting side note: you don't see straight women falling all over themselves to crawl into bed with gay men. Just another difference between male and female...viva la difference!

[foreigncorrespondent]

76. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

I get Sapph to kill the creepy crawlies. And while we are living apart it is my mum who has to kill them. LOL

Although this weekend just gone we had a long weekend, and mum went away and just got back home tonight (Monday). But on Friday, the day she left, a freind dropped by that night, and after the friend left, low and behold if this big bloody huge black spider came out from behind the tv and began running up the wall. I had to kill that one, and for the rest of night I felt like I Had spiders crawling all over me. LOL I am such a wuss.

Yes, a lot of men certainly can't handle the fact that women really don't need them in our lives. We can cope quite well without them. And you are right, we do have the satisfying sex without them being present. :)

[slinkerwink]

7. also, I don't like it when guys say that girls are being unfriendly

or a bitch if they don't appreciate the kind of sexist comments that guys make.

[FireHeart]

68. Yeah...I used to hear that crap all the time.

What really got me was when some drunken slob who just (practically) pissed his pants in the toilet--calls a woman who rejects him a "fu*king lesbian" or some other nonsense.

Then the sexist comments begin. You see it in locker rooms, offices, factory floors and just about everywhere. Goddess I hate seeing and hearing that crap. Being male, it insults me and all the decent guys out there that just want to get along peacefully and in harmony with our sisters--and lovers.

Bleh.

[slinkerwink]

74. I blame it all on this society, and the approval of other male peers

in encouraging sexism and misogyny.

[blondeatlast]

6. It's wishful thinking on the parts (literally and figuratively) of the

worst offenders. Chances are they have never encountered a real bi, their only experience is probably porn.

You have my support as well as my sympathy.

I remember one guy in college lusting after the only progressive girl he knew (me) because he thought I was all of the above simply because he met me at a voter drive after knowing me (barely) from a class.

[Zomby Woof]

8. what a loser!

I bet he would never tell you your kid is adorable! :-)

[slinkerwink]

12. her kid is adorable, but I'd tighten the shot up, and zoom in more

so that the face would fill the avatar so we can appreciate his cuteness. :-)

[DS1]

17. there's lots of paranoia with parents and their kids pictures online

[slinkerwink]

26. their paranoia is completely justified

[blondeatlast]

77. Thanks--I will try it! nt

[slinkerwink]

9. I wish porn or unrealistic assumptions about bisexual girls

wouldn't form their opinions of bisexual women.

[Interrobang]

15. I have a double-standard-proof comeback for those guys...

My SO was getting all het up over the idea of having a threesome with me and another woman, because he knows I like women too. Every time he brings it up I tell him I'd be happy to have a threesome with him and me and another woman, as long as we can have a threesome with him and me and another *man*! :evilgrin: That usually takes the wind out of that idea's sails PDQ!

Funny about het guys and that double standard, isn't it? ;-)

Of course, I'm not so concerned with people thinking I'm a slut. If they want to think that, they're more than welcome. I don't particularly care...so YMMV with the line.

[slinkerwink]

23. why does he keep on bringing it up?

especially when you've brought up the double standard of having a threesome with him and another guy. Have you ever said why you think that's a wrong assumption to make on his part? If we don't say anything, they keep on making those assumptions.

[Lefta Dissenter]

28. If my SO (husband of almost 25 years)

suggested ANY sort of three-way, I'd kick his ass out the door. I can't imagine why it would be different for anyone else!

If your SO persists in that request, I'd consider re-labeling him your IO (insignificant other) and give him the boot. He's only thinking of himself and his stupid little fantasies. What, he thinks he's such hot shit that he can satisfy TWO women? I could go on, but I best not... I'll end up saying things that I'll regret.

[slinkerwink]

29. bravo!

:toast:

[FireHeart]

70. Liked your reply. I was going to say...

I've met a good many men who fantasize about threesomes, provided there are two women and "themselves" involved. When asked if they really think they could satisfy two women, they give blank looks and mumble nonsense. From what I gather, the woman satisfaction quotient doesn't even enter into their tiny little brains.

*sigh*

[slinkerwink]

84. it also explains why many women are unhappy with their sex lives

because men are incompetent in the areas of sexual foreplay because they've been taught that their pleasure is much more important than the woman's pleasure.

[camero]

116. OK, now that is a sexist comment

It also tells why communication is important. Like telling us what you want. We're not mind readers.

[CanuckAmok]

126. It's because we have "tiny little brains", apparently.

n/t

edit: misquote.

[slinkerwink]

127. no, guys perfectly have brains capable of knowing when to

stop making sexist comments and such. They also have the brains to overrule their sexual impulses. The sad thing though, is that society encourages them into thinking with their baser impulses.

[camero]

129. and you also made a sexist comment

It works both ways. Now apologize.

[slinkerwink]

132. how is my saying that society is culpable in perpetrating sexism

a sexist comment?

[camero]

134. You said men were incompetent in bed

Misogyny doesn't call for misandry. Want me to pull it up for you?

[slinkerwink]

136. look more carefully

" because men are incompetent in the areas of sexual foreplay because they've been taught that their pleasure is much more important than the woman's pleasure."

I'm not saying that men are naturally incompetent in bed, it's because society has taught them that their pleasure comes at the expense of the woman's pleasure. It's the men who ignore what society tells them, and concentrates on the women's pleasure, that should be applauded for their sensitivity in sex but you don't see that encouraged in society. It takes two to tango that dance, not one.

[camero]

138. Oh right

Then try communicating with your partner. It would help. I was lucky to have someone that did.

[slinkerwink]

141. I've always done that, and have had no problems in that area

but I hear too many of those stories from my friends who are afraid to communicate in fear of being labeled a bitch or a slut. Also, "good girls" aren't supposed to be sexual or engage in their own sexual pleasures. It's a hard road for those girls, and many of them never achieve orgasm because of what society tells them, and they always defer to male pleasure, which is stupid.

[camero]

143. Why listen to society?

Society doesn't know what they want anyway. Just cause your friends had a bad experience doesn't mean every woman has had that. Or that all men actually don't care. Alot of us actually do.

Damn, If I was only worried about my pleasure I would just stop when I was done instead of keeping goin.

[slinkerwink]

144. a majority of women do have those problems---are you denying that?

and if you haven't noticed, we live in a patriarchial society.

[camero]

145. Oh cut it

Making sweeping generalizations is just as wrong as what you started the thread about. This is not a debate on whether this is a patriarchal or matriarchal society. Start another thread if you wanna go there.

[slinkerwink]

159. there's no debate over whether this is a patriarchial society because

it is a patriarchial society.

[camero]

166. It's time to make this post disappear

It's obvious it's just a chance to take potshots at men. I won't stand for it. I live my life in the real world not in college textbooks.

[slinkerwink]

167. oh yes, you poor men......such victims of 2,000 years of female oppression

how did you ever survive?

[CanuckAmok]

135. "...men are incompetent in the areas of sexual foreplay..."

no, no sexist generalization there.

It's okay though, because someone will come along and post "that's not sexism, that's fact", and we'll all have a good laugh about it and move on.

[foreigncorrespondent]

161. I so agree with you, Slink.

I was with a guy for a huge part of my life. Sex with him, well, sex with him wasn't sex, ya know?

Men have the ability to control themselves, but most choose not to.

And something that really pisses me off is, how come women have to tell men what they want? I mean, men don't need to tell women do they? Men often claim to be brilliant lovers, yet need advice? Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?

[slinkerwink]

163. it's always the woman's responsibility to raise kids, get birth control,

and tell of her desires, etc, but never the man's responsibility for that.

[CanuckAmok]

164. have you heard of the "vasectomy"? It's the latest thing.

I have one. Again, you're making a sweeping generalisation; not all men expect (or want) their parters to shoulder the burden of contraception.

[slinkerwink]

165. those men should be applauded, but society at large doesn't

nor do other male peers encourage men to shoulder the burden of contraception.

[CanuckAmok]

169. I really think you are off the mark on that one.

This is probably worthy of a whole other thread, but I don't know many men who are foolish enough to completely rely on any woman to protect against unwanted pregnancy.

Every guy I've ever known knows hot to operate a condom. Many carry them with them at all times. I've been asked to provide them on occasion from room-mates, etc.

Not all men are as irresponsible as you seem to imply.

I don't mean to offend you, but for someone who is (justifiably) irked about people making assumptions about your sexuality, you don't seem to mind stating your own assumptions about others'.

[slinkerwink]

170. Condoms are different because it's a socially accepted contraceptive

but when it comes to male pills or vasectomies, I hear a lot of replies from men that are concerned it'll affect their fertility when evidence shows otherwise. Or claims that they don't want to be neutered, etc. That's why those contraceptives aren't accepted but the condom is.

[CanuckAmok]

172. Okay, but you said:

"...it's always the woman's responsibility to raise kids, get birth control..."

which is a sweeping sexist generalization.

My post isn't about condom use versus other contraceptives; it's about illustrating that not all men expect women to prevent unwanted pregnancy, as a response to your sexist statement that we "always" do.

And, as far as raising kids goes, you're treading on very shaky ground there. I don't have children myself, but I'm sure there are hundreds of fathers on this board who will be happy to tell you how much responsibility they take in childrearing.

[slinkerwink]

176. because this is a democratic forum where fathers are more likely

to take responsibility in childrearing. Otherwise, I don't hear a lot from the media about how fathers are taking responsibility in childrearing. It's always up to the woman in the media and in the society to bear most of that responsibility.

[CanuckAmok]

177. Yes, well we all know how trustworthy the media is.

You have a pretty biased and naive view of the world, Slinkerwink.

"Sexism (Random House, 1987): n. 1. Attitudes or behaviour based on traditional stereotypes of sexual roles."

It doesn't say "toward women" or "toward men".

You're sexist, by definition. There's nothing wrong with that, because we all are, to one degree or another. Just admit it.

on edit: and, this Democratic forum's disproportionally responsible dads or not, you still said "...it's always the woman's responsibility to raise kids...", but now you acknowledge that some men (but apparently only in the microcosm of DU) are responsible for parenting. So, are you recanting your original sexist statement, or not?

[Demonaut]

179. touche!

nice!

[slinkerwink]

184. I don't have a naive view of the world

I think it's funny that I get called sexist for making my post. It's a classic reaction on the part of men whenever a woman turns them down is to belittle them.

[CanuckAmok]

185. Who's belittling you?

If you find yourself being belittled, that's a result of how you interpret it.

You got called sexist because you made sexist statements.

[slinkerwink]

186. I didn't make any sexist statements....

[CanuckAmok]

187. You stated:

1) all men avoid responsibility for contraception.

2) all men avoid responsibility of parenthood.

3) "...men are incompetent in the areas of sexual foreplay..."

4) "I blame it all on this society, and the approval of other male peers in encouraging sexism and misogyny."

5) "I'm not saying that men are naturally incompetent in bed, it's because society has taught them that their pleasure comes at the expense of the woman's pleasure."

[put out]

40. Here is an idea.

Tell him you each can have a three-way. You can choose the two with whom you will share sexual activity, and he might not be included. Gender is not an issue to be discussed.

Then, he can do the same.

Or, he could choose the two for you. He is not included. Then you can choose the two for him.

Does that sound fun to him?

[slinkerwink]

48. she said she didn't like her SO bringing up threesomes

so why do you think she's interested in a threesome?

[Paragon]

16. Everybody loves you when you're bi

http://www.lyricsdepot.com/living-colour/bi.html

[slinkerwink]

27. that's a very interesting song lyric

[Paragon]

30. :-)

Just a fun little song from my favorite rock band.

[slinkerwink]

32. I can see why they're your favorite

:hi:

[Paragon]

34. You can?

I thought it was because I liked their music.

[slinkerwink]

35. because I like the song too, and some of their other song lyrics

[populistmom]

19. I don't blame you for being pissed

I have had people make judgements about me from outwardly appearances, especially in my younger days, but even now. I'm a strait, but I can definately empathize.

[slinkerwink]

31. thanks for empathizing!

[slinkerwink]

33. kick

[jpgray]

37. Say that again, only more slowly.

Wait, let me get my tape recorder....

:D

[slinkerwink]

45. here you go===all nicely spaced out and everything...

I don't like it when guys assume that bisexual girls are "sluts" or that they're in for threesomes. Or that they assume that bisexual girls are better than straight girls.

I also don't like hearing my bisexuality being mentioned as if it meant that I was a slut, or that it was a very desireable part of me.

I am a very monogamous girl, and I don't slut it out just because I'm bisexual. I also hate the idea of threesomes. When guys here make that assumption, it really pisses me off.

For those guys to remember in the future, please do not treat my bisexuality as if it's a hot commodity, or that it casts certain assumptions onto me. Also, please refrain from making sexual comments about me.

There---the pet peeve's finished

[jpgray]

59. Just making a stupid and not funny joke. Don't mind me :-) (nt)

[slinkerwink]

64. nah---thought it was funny

;-)

[neverborn]

38. I agree 100%

But then again, I'm a feminist guy and I'm accused of being gay because of it :x

[La Lioness Priyanka]

86. accused of being gay

you can only be accused of a negative thing...

[neverborn]

122. It's not..

negative to me. It is to this FReeper city. Especially in public high school

[foreigncorrespondent]

148. Yes, but...

...you are falling into the freeper trap by stating that you have been accused of being gay. You could say people tell me I am queer all the time, I feel honoured about it, but really I'm not.

[Fleshdancer]

39. is it stupidity or neurotic narcissism on their part?

There are some people out there who act as if they truly believe female sexuality is for male consumption and nothing more. Talk about a distorted and egotistical way to view the world and half of the human population.

And as far as bisexuality goes, I'm willing to bet that it's much more common than what it appears to be. So many people view sexual orientation as a black/white issue and refuse to acknowledge the many beautiful shades of gray. When rumors started flying about Gov. Perry (TX) having a male lover, people jumped to the conclusion that he was gay instead of bisexual. Same with Anne Heche. People were so caught up about her being straight then gay then straight again and not once was she ever labeled bisexual. WTF?

[CanuckAmok]

41. Did Heche ever identify her orientation?

I'm not trying to make a point, I'm genuinely curious. Did she ever say "I'm bisexual", or did she just leave it up to the public to label her?

[Fleshdancer]

42. I don't think so

I saw her on Letterman recently and she explained that she falls in love with the person, not the gender which is how all the bisexuals I know describe it. She never said the word bisexual though. Then again, she never said gay or straight either, it was the media who used those terms, but as far as I know, the media never said bisexual.

[CanuckAmok]

44. It's arguable...

...that if you're a public figure, you should indicate how you want your sexuality to be defined, if you know that it will become an issue.

It's also arguable that it's nobody's darned business but yours, even if you're a public figure.

I don't know where I stand on it. I remember reading something years ago--maybe it was part of the Kinsey Report...I can't remember--which suggests we're all born atavistically bisexual, and our preference, beyond our need to reproduce, is governed more by environment than nature.

[Fleshdancer]

49. I'm a fan of the "it's nobody's business" concept

Certainly if Heche was troubled by the labeling she could/should have said something to clear the air at the time, but her not defining herself wasn't what annoyed me. It was the fact that everyone looked at the situation as "straight-gay-then straight again" and not bisexual. As if bisexuality was never a viable option for this woman.

[CanuckAmok]

50. Probably because bisexuality is hard to 'pin-down'....

I mean, from a soundbite-media point of view... Bisexuality requires some sort of explanation (it challenges conventional ideas that, gay or straight, one is attracted to one gender only), where as hetero and gay are fairly self-explanatory.

[Fleshdancer]

52. to add to what you're saying...

we have had absolutely no dialogue about bisexuality and because of that, the porn industry has been given the ability to define it for us. It's viewed as a taboo and kinky thing that young women do when they're bored. The view of sexuality in general in this society has always been a big gripe with me. Instead of talking openly and honestly about sex, we're reduced to getting a good portion of our information from the porn industry...hell, it's a multi-billion dollar industry for a reason.

[CanuckAmok]

53. Although that's not to say...

...that some people *do* practice occasional bisexuality (or heterosexuality, for that matter) out of boredom or experimentation.

There are as many reasons for sex as there are people.

[Fleshdancer]

60. Yet another reason why sexuality isn't so black and white

I agree, it's the shades of gray that make life interesting.

[camero]

65. Thanks for this GS and Canuck

Before I read your posts this was just looking like one long angry thread.

[CanuckAmok]

66. Some are angry, some aren't.

I'm not :)

[camero]

67. It looked like a reasoned discussion between both of you

I thought I should point that out. :) Good points in both.

[Fleshdancer]

79. thank you so much

it's a facinating topic, isn't it?

[camero]

80. Yeah it is

I'm one of those that find that sexuality can be an ongoing process. That alot of people have to find their sexuality. It's why I try to stay away from labeling.

[camero]

43. I had a bi girlfriend once

She wanted a threesome but it kinda freaked me out some so I can understand where you are coming from. One on one is much better for me.

I still think you're pretty though. :) Thanks for hearing me out.

[slinkerwink]

46. it's okay to think I'm pretty, but I've heard other comments about me

that I don't find welcome from you.

[camero]

47. my apologies then

[regnaD kciN]

73. "Pretty" doesn't begin to do justice...

Slink is stunningly, unbelievably beautiful.

And, since I, like Slink, am extremely monogamous (and twenty-plus years older to boot), that stands as an aesthetic opinion rather than a sexual comment.

[WilliamPitt]

54. I hope it works out

[WillyBrandt]

55. Read it again.

I thought it was weird the first time I read it, but SW's quite right.

[WilliamPitt]

56. I did

[slinkerwink]

57. sorry you think it's weird that I have a legitimate complaint about

sexist and misogynistic comments made here towards me.

[WilliamPitt]

58. Check my edit

I backed off, re-read, and posted from the heart. I'm sorry.

On edit: I can see you've been saving that one for a few weeks. I thought the mods told you to put me on ignore. :)

[slinkerwink]

61. I thought the mods told you to put me on ignore too....

so that's why I was surprised to see "Ignored" reply to my thread. So I clicked the two names off my ignore list, and surprise, it was you. I'll take your apology for what it's worth. ;-) Had to add a smilie so I wouldn't seem "unfriendly," heh.

[WilliamPitt]

62. Check your PM

[slinkerwink]

63. I PMed you back too

no hard feelings in the Lounge, okay? :hi:

[Fight_n_back]

69. How do people know this about you?

seems a hard thing to find out about someone on a message board.

[slinkerwink]

71. I mentioned that I was bi in a queer-oriented thread

and in a few others.

[Fight_n_back]

72. Oh...

okay...

[slinkerwink]

83. so what do you mean by that?

[buddhamama]

78. hmmm,

i usually think of a pet-peeve as an annoyance, etc.

the assumptions, and subsequent comments directed at you based on these assumptions, are offensive and would receive more than pet-peeve rating from me.

Don't waste your time on people who would make such assumptions
and treat you in a disrespectful manner.

there are certain words,behaviors that are warning signs. if someone refers to me as a bitch, slut, whore,etc., and displays behavior that reinforces perceptions then they're ignored.
do the same.

[slinkerwink]

82. what's to stop them from keeping on doing it if someone like me

doesn't speak up?

[buddhamama]

107. chill

i was speaking about men who would make such assumptions about and comments to you,etc., based on those assumptions not being worth your time.

did you honestly read shut up in my post?not

[La Lioness Priyanka]

85. i am bi

what i resent is how people often forget i am bi...when i date a man for any length of time everyone calls me straight and now everyone says i am gay...but i have always said i am bi...

i never cared much about the slut thing...frat boys are just stupid!

[Mass_Liberal]

87. to try to explain it

those guts are being a tad insensitive. Guys hit on hetero gals. Bisexual girls still have the possibility of having a relationship with w/ a guy. So the reason that guys hit on Bi women is the same reason that guys hit on Hetero women.

In your particular case, I think it's cause you've posted your picture, and your pretty hot. That was not just me hitting on you. Ya. That failed.

on edit: that whole shpeil only pertains to the sexual comments being said aboot tcha.

[slinkerwink]

89. yes, my looks is one thing, but whenever a guy mentions that I'm bi

and then there are lewd comments being made or something like "schwing!"

[Mass_Liberal]

92. uh?

whats schwing mean? You have me all confused and confusticated.

[slinkerwink]

94. "schwing" is a reference to the "boing" of a male erection

It was often mentioned by Wayne on "Wayne's World"

[Mass_Liberal]

95. oooooo

boing. Not boeing. I almost got confused again. I get it.


OK.

[Demonaut]

88. well, its not like you looked like a bisexual, I really believe that by

calling attention to your bisexuality you're just looking for attention, which I've obviously fallen for, What do you really expect? "Oh you poor thing! cant make up your mind?"

[Mass_Liberal]

90. If I were you, I would duck.

If I'm not mistaken you are about to get cyber bitchslapped.

[slinkerwink]

91. what? When gays say they're gay, are they looking for attention?

why should it be applied any differently to us? We don't seek attention when we say that we're queer because we're stating a part of who we are. It is not meant to get lecherous comments from guys.

[slinkerwink]

93. also, it's not a matter of an inability to put myself into a strict sexual

category---it's how I feel, and what my biological sexual identity is. I still find men attractive, but I like women more in terms of physical and emotional attractiveness. It's just how I am and I don't find any contradictions with that.

[Demonaut]

98. I'm a guy obviously, and maybe I can understand your attraction to

both sexes, women want and need emotional contact and some men cant or wont deliver but no one asked you your preferences, you attack men for lecherous remarks yet you're the one to bring up the subject of sex, what, rude remarks are exclusive to men only? I really dont care who you sleep with as long as age isnt an issue but who is it that you confide in? I make sexual comments about women all the time, to my friends, not to complete strangers and if I did then I expect to be roasted a little.

[slinkerwink]

100. I haven't heard any lecherous or sexist comments about my

bisexuality from women, only from men on here. So you make sexual comments about women all the time to your friends? No wonder why sexism is so encouraged in today's society.

[Demonaut]

111. lol, and sex never comes up in conversations with your friends?

give me a break

[slinkerwink]

121. sex does come up in conversation with my friends, but

it's not in demeaning sexual comments about my partner, et al, or bragging about my own sexual exploits.

[Demonaut]

149. nor do mine, yet you automatically assume I do

I dont care for mean people, dont like or hang out with guys (or girls) who demean anyone. negativity breeds negativity, and the reason I posted my first post was that you flamed all men for making inappropriate comments, this will happen, some men are immature idiots but I'm not you, maybe if I was I would understand the depth of your feelings.....but what I did see was a level of disgust for men. How do I know what appeals to you?! I dont unless you tell me and you dont have to tell me, and if you do why does it matter?, the idiots who make crass comments will still make crass comments,and if women dont then that just shows another difference between men and women, I have a lesbian friend who makes sexual comments to me about other women quite often, and a gay male friend who does the same but not as often, I give them grief occasionally, but they do the same to me, its all in fun. and its all about being in context.

[slinkerwink]

153. *laughs* I don't have a level of disgust for men, but I am disgusted

with those who make stupid assumptions about me.

[Demonaut]

155. I could care less about who interests you sexually, whats more important

is the books you read, the plays you like, the music that lifts you, do you like kids , animals, are you nice to old people, do you respect others opinions, but who you fuck is your own business.

[slinkerwink]

157. I wasn't talking about who interests me sexually....

the point of this thread was to point out that I am sick of assumptions being made about my sexuality.

[foreigncorrespondent]

171. Yes it is painfully obvious that you are a guy. (n/t)

[Exultant Democracy]

96. WTF?

That is way out of line and seriously off base. I may not be bi, but from what I gather it isn't about the other persons sex for them, it is about the other persons soul.

What you just said is one of the most offensive things I have ever seen posted here.

[slinkerwink]

97. exactly, and one of the dumbest posts ever on that guy's part

[Demonaut]

109. Really!? Who can tell she's bi or straight or gay, and why would she flame

all men because she is. Not all gay men seem effeminate nor do all lesbians seem butch. if she likes both sexes..great but dont beat on ALL men when some lughead makes an inappropriate comment. People make crappy comments all the time, and I guess you can include this.

[foreigncorrespondent]

168. And that is the same way of thinking...

...a rapist will use when he rapes someone; "oh she was asking for it. Look how she was dressed. She wanted me so bad."

Just because Slink has mentioned she is bi doesn't make it an open invitation for narrow minded people to come out of the woodwork and tell her she is a slut. That is just low and rude.

[youngred]

99. Ummmm OK

but you're the only one I've ever heard use that stereotype, and I know lots of bi and straight people.

all aboot me, eh?

[slinkerwink]

101. I'm speaking specificially about sexist comments here about

bisexuality directed towards me.

[youngred]

102. Ok

but it doesn't have anything to do with your popularity for your looks (your fault or not) in the lounge?

all about me, eh?

[slinkerwink]

103. no, the looks is one thing, but whenever someone mentions that I'm bi,

then weird comments pop up about that which I find offensive.

[youngred]

105. but you don't make the connection

when one becomes an object of desire naturally the more sophmoric elements will make a connection (particuarly if its something which they are desirous of).

[slinkerwink]

108. it doesn't excuse them from making assumptions about my bisexuality

[Colin Ex]

114. The green panther flies at midnight!!!

[SiobhanClancy]

125. Bunnies!

Are they yours? Very cute....I adore the little nose-twitchers:)

[youngred]

115. no, no excuses

but don't be surprised when you put yourself out there like that...

[slinkerwink]

119. then girls, according to your logic, shouldn't be surprised if they get

raped if they put theirselves out there like that :shrug: it's stupid logic.

[Colin Ex]

123. I saw a puppy today.

It was a little cute thing. It's owner was taking it for a walk.

[youngred]

130. I was just waiting for you to throw out that strawman

and that's all it is, try again

[foreigncorrespondent]

173. Youngred...

...for the first time ever, one of your post have truly shocked the shit out of me.

I cannot believe what you are saying is actually coming from you.

Tell me, women who get raped are they asking for it? Because going by your words, that is exactly what you are saying. I am truly flawed.

[slinkerwink]

174. I'll excuse his post because he's a young kid and really doesn't

know the full effect of his words coupled with that wrong logic.

[buddhamama]

117. assumptions and sexist comments

are not excusbale. what i'm having a hard time grasping is why you'd label sexism a pet peeve...

[slinkerwink]

154. because sexism is a major annoyance to me here

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

104. yet you frequently post your picture, openly flirt, and expect less?

:eyes:

[slinkerwink]

110. I haven't openly flirted in ages ever since I've been dating my girl

and with your logic, any girl that flirts or looks cute deserves to have sexist comments thrown at them. That's stupid logic.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

112. That's not my logic

But I guess you know me better than I do!

[foreigncorrespondent]

175. But when you say...

...she is openly flirting and throwing her picture around she is asking for it, then that is your logic isn't it?

[slinkerwink]

178. exactly.....

kids these days....*shakes head*

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

180. Get a life.

I'm more mature than you are.

[slinkerwink]

183. and that post show how much mature you are?

I think not.

[binaryline]

140. What's your problem?

I remember a picture-related lounge thread from many moons ago where you were getting creepy PMs from a member, and you posted to say that you were only 16 and that you didn't appreciate the PMs you were getting (or something to that effect-- it was a while ago).

So... I guess it's different when *you* post to say that something makes you uncomfortable, right?

Oh, and here: :eyes:

[slinkerwink]

142. remember---don't throw stones when you're in a glass house....

:toast: thanks, dear. :hug:

[Colin Ex]

146. Note to self - 16 = fully adult.

I'll write that down somewhere.

Also note the concept of invitation, in this case flirting.

Also:

-C

[curse10]

147. perhaps the difference is that LPFF is a minor and Ms. Slinkerwink is an

adult. Huge difference. Men get arrested for what they were suggesting to LPFF.

[slinkerwink]

150. so it's perfectly fine for men to do that to women of an older age?

[Colin Ex]

151. Kittens are cute.

You're pretty much pulling this out of your ass, aren't you?

Look -- there is a big difference between saying "you're hot, I want to bang you" to a sixteen year old and saying "you're hot, I want to bang you" to a 2X year old.

Both are tactless and crude. But one is blazingly illicit.

-C

[curse10]

152. The internet is a dangerous place, posting your picture is always

a risk. Everytime I post mine I get pm's. I just ignore them. I don't need to add to the problem with a thread about it.

And there is a distinct difference between dealing with an adult and a teenager. Although I know Maggie is a very bright young woman, many 16 year olds are not and are easily preyed upon by older men. An adult woman should not be so weak.

It may not be right, but it happens. Luckily, for the most part, women are able to deal with it.

[Shakespeare]

106. Wow...am I in a game of Calvinball?

Just wonderin' :evilgrin:

[slinkerwink]

128. what's calvinball?

[youngred]

131. A made up game

from "Calvin and Hobbes"

[CanuckAmok]

133. I was wondering, too...

I thought I was the only one in the dark about "Calvinball"...

113. The more things change, the more they stay the same

About half way through this thread, I began to think that & then when I got towards the end and saw some offensive comments creeping in directed towards you, I really began to think so.
Thought I'd post with a supportive post therefore.
Perfectly reasonable pet peeve, and I read the stuff a couple of days ago that prompted it.:)

[slinkerwink]

120. thanks for supporting me!

[LanternWaste]

118. I'm butting in where I do not belong....

If it means anything at all, I've learned a lot about different orientations by reading posts from you, BerthaVNation, et.al. It may not seem like much, but for the vast majority of my life, I've been a pretty buttoned-down guy and in the year and a half of reading posts at DU (and even making a few posts myself...), I've finally come to the obvious conclusion (obvious, that is, to everyone but me) that tolerance without respect is an empty gesture.

Maybe you got bit by some guy who's in the throws of post-adolescence or just out of a bad relationship that burned him pretty bad. Or maybe whoever it was really is just plain dumb. And without trying to make any apologies or excuses for him, I can say from experience that there are two kinds of dumb: the kind where we just have no idea how deep the waters really are (the kind of dumb I've been for a long, long time) and the kind of dumb that's just plain mean.

I've said some pretty stupid things in my life about people without attempting to be mean to them at all. It's simply that I didn't see the toes that I had been stepping on and though it may sound kind of odd, I hope that the guy who steamed you was that kind of dumb and not trying to hurt you.

And for my part, I hope you know that the opinions of others don't really count for a whole lot if they don't know who you truly are (which means that the opinions I've just written don't count for a whole lot, either... :) ). All in all, take the good that people give you, drop the bad that they give you and pray/hope/meditate that one day they'll get a clue; kinda like I finally did.

You have my best thoughts...

[slinkerwink]

124. thanks for your thoughts....

but whenever women complain about having sexist comments directed at them, others retort it's because women deserve those sexist comments by acting a certain way in like flirting and such, and men are always excused because they're "dumb" which is lame. Men do have control over what they say and think, so no excuses are accepted here when it comes to sexism here.

[LanternWaste]

137. I can't argue with that

True. I can't argue with that. However, bear in mind that for a long time, I was sexist and a homophobe (believe it or not, it was my Church that pointed this out to me and helped me overcome it... but that's neither here nor there) and said a lot of mean and stupid things to a lot of people. Though I said these things out of ignorance, you're right in saying that there's no excuse.

And part of what I did to make peace with God, the people I had hurt and myself was to hunt down every ex-girlfriend I could find and give her my sincere apologies. Some slammed the door in my face (or the phone on my ear, whichever the case may be), others cooly accepted the apology and I left with a chilled feeling that she was merely being polite. Yet others accepted my sorrow over what I had said with a whole-hearted gesture which I realized made her happier re: the apology than it had made me!

I do hope that if the time comes, you accept the apology you are due and return the feelings of warmth that it brings. I guess that's all I'm trying to say. And I better stop now, because I'm starting to sound a bit too maudlin for my own good.

And maybe while I'm at it, I should apologize to you. You are a nameless and faceless person with a different orientation than me and in the past, I've said some pretty hurtful things about you when I was growing up. "Didja hear about the lucky guy who got it on with two chicks the other night?" or "Yeah, she must be a dyke, she didn't even look at me." Those words came out of my mouth during a period of my life and for all I know, you could have been the target...


And as a completely non-sequitor remark to end this little missive, may I just say...


I am a musician and the monkey is a businessman. He doesn't tell me what to play, and I don't tell him what to do with his money. - The Return of the Pink Panther :pals:

[slinkerwink]

139. I'm glad you apologized to your girlfriends, and also your own

recognition of your flaws and the courage you took in correcting them. I salute you for that! :toast:

[Lizz612]

156. Can't disagree with you're peeve

As a single bi girl, I have seen the same things that you talk about. I don't mention my sexuality to strangers. I keep a low profile. I try to avoid situations that would lead to serious shit happening, but assholes abound. My college campus is small and I don't want jerk-offs to know that I'm bi.

Can't say I've ever had a problem on DU though. But I keep a much lower profile here too though.

[slinkerwink]

158. yeah---whenever I go home, I have to go back in the closet

but I'm very lucky to be at a women's college where bi and gay women are accepted.

[Renew Deal]

160. So you and your friend aren't coming over?

j/k

[slinkerwink]

162. nope, we're not.....

[Bill of Rights]

181. Interesting Thread!

When I was younger, I was kind of interested in men and women both. Actually, I was very, very interested in women and sort-of interested in men. I, too, am a monogamous woman, but in between my relationships with women, I kept coming back to this man. I did this for 15+ years. This guy's name was Mike and he was an incredibly talented, brilliant, musical genius and unbelievably handsome. I would call him up to say, "Well, I'm dating a woman named Kim, so it's over for us." And he'd be fine. Eventually, Kim and I would break up and then I'd get back together with Mike. It sounds kind of sick, but this is what my life was like.

The woman I'm currently involved with has iron will and I had to leave Mike behind for good. "It's him or me," she said. I'm not even friends with him anymore. I miss him, but I was totally sexualized in his mind, and he couldn't get past it.

Slinkerwink -- Keep talking. What you say is interesting and people want to hear that which they haven't heard before.

[slinkerwink]

182. thanks!

sounds like your woman wants to keep you! ;-)

[Moderator]

188. locking this

I don't have time to go through this whole thread
right now , but it appears to be full of PA's etc...
so I'm locking this for the time being .