The feeling of deep hopelessness and sorrow

[Mari333]

For the last 3 1/2 years I have have slowly been sinking into a despair that is beyond my control. I am usually a fighter, always have been, I have always tried so hard to pick myself up and move myself forward. No matter how deep the horror and the trauma, I have always tried.
But Im tired. I write on here because there is no place anymore that I fit in. The town and place I live in is not where I want to be, the people are cold, angry, republican. I dont fit in. I fight city hall and I end up watching yet another atrocity occur either from the Bu$h administration or from some official in my own town.
I havent got one friend here except my husband, because the people here are 1. afraid to talk to me because my stepson is in Iraq and they dont like to be around someone who is hurting..they dont want to deal with that, they have their social lives right now its too scary for them to talk to me, because they know Im sad and terrified and its too traumatic for them (ruins their fun lives I guess)
I am not going to see a shrink, again, been there done that..on xanax 3 times a day to deal with this horror of worry about Michael, and this morning when I woke up to the bombs going off in Baghdad, I thought my god do I have to freak out like this every day for over a year? Can I live like this?
I think whats killing me is that I dont see any justice being done. All I see are lies and more lies and more lies and more lies and more lies and my loved one stands there for no reason , and could die or be wounded, for no reason, and there is no justice being done..no one is going to try these thugs..they are getting away with it..
I called the military families group and asked them..why cant we sue using the RICO laws? Our kids have been sent to an illegal war by criminals and they may die//why cant anyone see that???

I am afraid I may not make it for a year like this...I have other kids, they want me to be there for them, even tho they are adults, I do want some day to have grandchildren and read them stories..but I dont think I can bear this much longer, this long horrible terror and wait for SOMEone, anyone, to bring these criminals in the White House to justice??? Its unbearable, this waiting..I used to think good would prevail, but Im not so sure now..
and my hands are tied..I have been interviewed, marched for 3 1/2 years, called congresspeople, and worked my ass off fighting these people..and for what? they end up stealing my kid and ship him off to Iraq in their fraudulent war.
I have no forum to speak from except in here, I have no place to put my anger..anger so great I have no words for it
and anger, with no place to go, is now starting to turn into despair.
Thanks for letting me rant. I have to rant somewhere.

[mmm]

1. thank you for the rant

you just got me all fired up!
we gotta keep on fighting and we gotta all pull together.

[junker]

2. You will make it. No question, no worries. You see humans have

control over only one thing in life. We do not control the circumstances of our births, nor the circumstances of our deaths. We rarely control the nature of our schooling, or the dna that determines our own nature.

We control, only one thing, and all else is delusion, denial, and illusion. But that one thing is all that is required. And all it takes to lift yourself from the clutches of the despair squid is to recognize that we control no circumstances, life, or death, it does not matter...the ONLY thing humans can control is their attitude about the circumstances in which they discover their life.

Now, think about it, and realizing that all you truly own on this planet of pain and frequently it is felt to be that...is your attitude. As long as you own your attitude then it cannot own you.

And recoginzing that you own your attitude about the shitty circumstances of life, means you control how you will choose to react because you own your attitude.

One final thing. As you will discover when you too are an old fart, you can make yourself miserable, or strong. It takes exactly the same amount of effort cause both are inherently ONLY attitude. Eh?

Learn it and be strong the rest of your life with little effort.

[madmax]

3. Don't despair Mari

You have friends here. We're all feeling stressed - one way or another but, we'll fight on. One day at a time, friend.

Don't let the bastards get you down. :hug:

[papau]

4. Hang in there Mari - you have a lot of sympathy and empathy coming your

way from DU.

We will get rid of Bush in 04.

[glarius]

5. I don't know what to say to you, except remember people love you

You sound like such a caring person.....and people who care a lot, feel pain a lot.....It won't last forever.....I and my family send you our love and prayers....:loveya:

[Faygo Kid]

6. Another Michigander wishes you well.

It is awful seeing this country go to hell under Bush, and realizing that many people support him. It's a mystery. That's why we are all here, to talk with others who care. My sympathies about your personal situation. Check back with us, and let us know how you are doing.

[gristy]

7. Hang in there, Mari.

And here's a thought for you: It's ok to rest. This movement has legs. The fight will continue. The fight will expand and grow over the next 8 months. And we will win. As you say, you have worked hard for so long. Perhaps you feel there is a very large heavy weight on your shoulders (the world?). Try to imagine all of us DUers, all like-minded Democrats, all *-despising Independents and Republicans, all of us, lifting that weight off your shoulders. In fact, you need not even imagine it because we ARE there. It is not your imagination. We will prevail. If you need to rest, then just sit back and watch the fun!!

[seventhson]

8. I know exactly what you mean.

I find when I am sinking that I need to reup my spiritual side.

I read the Sermon on the Mount or the Buddhist teachings. I especially appreciate the Vedantic sacred texts.

I happen to believe in the immortality of the soul - that our lives are meant to be learning experiences to bring us closer to the Creator.

However, for many, as in the Holocaust, the sense that there is no Creator or "God" who could possibly care to allow these things - this suffering - to exist becomes almost overwhelming.

I believe there IS a reason for our existence. That that reason is to teach us o cherish the creation - to cherish each other - and to realize that all of this, while impermanent, is created out of a divine love for us and for the creation.

The evil and suffering is meant to make us realize just how precious our existence is. And how fragile and wonderful.

Without the evil (like those who are sponsoring this war) we would have little to make us understand the love and its beauty.

We are here for the love, not the hate.

Fortunately most of us here understand that.

Bush and his legion do not. Their souls are lost.

Yours is intact. You must take comfort in that.

And you must use what you have learned and your own goodness to promote the beauty and the love.

Do not waste the opportunity that you have to bring light to others.

It is a gift. And you are lucky to have it.

Pity the souls who do not.

And know that you are blessed.

Peace

Seventh Son

Take a long walk in nature. In sunshine, Count your blessings. And keep up the good fight for peace and justice for all humanity.

WE need you. So do your kids.

and so do the children of the world, their mothers, and the people of good faith and righteous hearts everywhere.

Rest. Meditate. Eat well - nourish yourself. Breathe. Pray. And always remember that you are blessed.

Those who have caused all this suffering are not.

[Kamika]

9. Why do you have to take the drugs?

Can't you work without them?


Anyway .. you really need to get out of that place... like a long vacation or something

[proud patriot]

10. I wish I could somehow ease this burdon for you Marri333

:loveya:

[orwell]

11. Ascension

Know that you are safe.

Know that you are loved.

Know that you are strong.

Open the heart of compassion to those around you writhing in the fires of ignorance.

Breathe.

Be still.

Hear the birds sing the golden dawn.

O

[madrchsod]

12. that`s why we are here-

to listen...

[salinen]

13. Your despair can actually

be inspirational. Since we are a family here, we want a good life for you and yours. We can fight when you're down, and you can fight when we are. So take a break from the action, rest, watch a comedy, write a letter to a friend, but we need you back here as soon as you feel strong enough. In the mean time, we'll do the dishes.

[Sperk]

14. I "almost" know how you feel. I don't have a son over there yet

but I have already informed my family and friends that if my son gets drafted, they BETTER not call me for at least a year. Half my family got fooled my idiot boy and voted for him.

I find it difficult to function normally sometimes too. I get angry at people just passing by, I figure they did nothing to stop this illegal war or at best just let it happen and it makes me feel so angry and disgusted.

I don't know what to say to get you through the days. Many are going through the same thing as you or have similar feelings. I'll pray for your son's safe return. I'll pray for your piece of mind.

:hug:

[blondeatlast]

15. My heart is with you in spirit. I can only imagine the torment you

feel, Mari. We love you and I will pray for some relief for your pain.

Ranting is what we are here for too--pardon the levity here, but it can';t be ALL about yaks and wombats and Robb!

:hi:
:hug:

[ewagner]

16. We're behind you Mari......

You are not alone.

At some point you have to recognize that the fear and anxiety over your kid cannot help him. That's where you have to have faith that somehow and some way he will return safely. The other kids need you too and you can be a source of strength to them in these terrible times. Focus your love and energy on them for now.

You are fighting the most noble of all fights and you are an inspiration to all the rest of us.

It sounds small, but it is nonetheless true: We're here for you whenever you need to rant, whenever you need encouragement, whenever the burden or foes seem too great.

love ya! :grouphug:

[Waverley_Hills_Hiker]

17. I really appreciated your thread.

I do feel despair sometimes too, but not for reasons as serious and really personal as yours. Your thread puts my own self-centeredness in presprective...or makes me aware that what im feeling is really self-centered compared to others experiences.

[welshTerrier2]

18. all i can say is

i will fight even harder now to end this insane war and bring the war criminals to justice ...

i have no great words of comfort though i would surely offer them to you if i did ...

you have done all you can ... i understand the fatigue factor ... but there is no real alternative to fighting ... we are struggling against people who have taken over the most powerful government in the world ... and for the first time in three years, it seems we now have a very real chance to stop them ... don't quit now ... we need all our soldiers ... even the tired ones ...

it's OK to let despair whisper in one ear ... but make sure that anger is whispering in the other ...

[never cry wolf]

19. Be strong, you MUST be strong

Fear is what these bastards breed, for those who refuse to fear they want despair. Your little finger has more integrity than the entire administration, Mari!

Many others in this thread have said it better than I but take a break, refresh, recharge, rejuvenate and come back out spit fire mad. We'll get these assholes out yet!

[rasputin1952]

20. We are a support group for all of those that feel the sting of injustice..

we carry each other through times that seem all to burdensome, and we all come back here to support, and seek refuge from the day to day horrors that we must face. Du is one of the finest places to find kindness and sincerity; as well as the necessary levity to get us through the day.

Those you speak of in your town, are the same types I have here. Cold, lifeless entities that seek solace in the discomfort of others, so they need not look at how pathetic their own lives are. Those who wish sacrifice of others, but refuse to sacrifice so much as an hour of compassion for those that feel despair, it is far easier for them to dislocate themselves from reality, than those of us that have our hearts torn out and trampled in the dust.

Dear Mari...I know what you are feeling, and although it seems dark at this point, there will be a dawn. bush will be gone, and we can start getting our sons and daughters back. With luck, the entire administration will be locked up, and charged with gross negligence, if not treason; but alas, I dream.

We have spent a lifetime fighting for the rights of the oppressed. Sometimes we've won, sometimes we've lost; but we've never ceased to fight the good fight. There are no other options.

It can be lonely and the fight is often discouraging, but each day, there is the hope that some of these soulless individuals may see the light, and at least begin to feel the guilt of sending others off to do the bidding of those that would steal the nation right out from under them. Here in Nebraska, the vocal support of bush has ceased; the fight continues, but people are beginning to understand that they have been duped. I have had 11 people change their registrations from Republican to Independent, and that is 11 less votes for bush. I know that is not much, but those are only the ones I know of, I see many others challenging the status quo, we are winning.

Your son will return soon, and this administration will be gone in January. My prayers are with you and yours. Don't be discouraged, and look forward to the reunion with your soldier son. You and Hogarth are great people, and your love will see you through this.

:hug: :pals:

O8)

[roguevalley]

21. rant always, honey. rant to me privately if it helps you. but remember,

this is temporary. As for living in a weird place, look
around. Surely there are some people that are like minded
and you can bum with. I do truly hope so. Check the message boards around town. Look into groups. Get a hobby that lets you socialize
with people that gets your mind off the crap of the world somehow.
I don't know. Just know we love you here. Hang in there, honey. This too shall pass.

[Lindsey]

22. It's understandable that you're feeling how you're

feeling. I think that many of us are so disgusted with what's happening in our country it's almost beyond belief. You've fought a good fight and now maybe you need to rest. I remember you saying something about xanax which is for anti-anxiety. I know that this can help a lot and screw people who place judgement on your needs. You may try an anti-depressant too (paxel, efexor, etc.) I know that they can make a hugh difference. Peace to you Mari and positive vibes your way....