What are some good excuses for getting out of important social engagements you need to avoid?

[Mike 03]

I'm worried that I've used most of my good ones up.

Being ill.
Another important engagement.
Some family crisis.

This coming week will be a minefield, as we are having relatives come into town.

I really, REALLY am not in the mood for socializing these days.

Any advice for side-stepping this fiasco (and I can feel it in my guts that it will be disastrous) would be appreciated.

And, in the event nobody can think of something good, will one of you break one of my limbs or something? That would be a good excuse.

Thanks.

[Symarip]

1. This works for everything:

Tell whoever (boss, girlfriend, parent) that you jumped into the shower and shit all over yourself.

Works every time.

[graywarrior]

17. OMG!

When I worked at a group home years ago, two of our overnight guys used to call in constantly with "the shits": code for hangover.

But seriously, I love yours. Made me laugh my ass off.

[SPKrazy]

2. hey, I don't wanna go to your stoopid fucking engagement

so piss off

well that would work

but it might not be the touch you want

[TZ]

3. Be honest?

It tends to work for me... My friends and family happen to know that I feel antisocial sometimes ...:shrug:

[NNadir]

I always like to call in and say that I have been abducted by aliens.

This usually makes everyone happy, since they generally didn't want to see me any more than I wanted to see them.

They couldn't care less why I'm not there, as long as I'm not there.

:P

[NNadir]

4. dupe

[Shine]

5. I take it you don't have kids?

;) cuz they're at least good for helping you get outta shit you don't wanna do sometimes.

If "one of the kids is sick" NOBODY can argue with that.

Not that I'VE ever done that before, mind you. :D How tacky.

[Mutley]

6. Work suddenly requires you to leave town.

*shifty eyes*

[flvegan]

7. Morning sickness.

That's the one I use.

[LeftyMom]

10. Are you going to shake me down for money to "take care of it" again?

I'm growing increasingly suspicious that you're not actually pregnant.

[Chan790]

8. Fake religious obligations.

"I'm sorry...I forgot that I have to attend an awakening that day." (In 10 years of that, nobody has ever asked what an awakening is. It seems crass to question someone else's religious observances.)

[LeftyMom]

9. "woman trouble"

Men don't want to know and women will fall over themselves to tell you their gynecological horror stories in some weird act of kinship, but NOBODY will ask for the details.

This may not work in your case. I think the closest equivalent for those who aren't women between the ages of 10 and 50 is probably "some kind of nasty GI bug," which has the added bonus of being potentially contagious, and thus gives you extra reason to beg off of the avoided event. Parents can also use puking kids, pink eye, etc. One of the cool things about having a kid is that you'll never run out of excuses to miss stuff.

[sammythecat]

11. If none of the other ideas here work

you can always throw yourself down the stairs at the last minute.

I've given that serious consideration in the past. :P

Take some syrup of ipecac, or, better yet, if they're at your house give it to them. They'll be all apologetic about having to leave early and you get the rest of the day to yourself. I wouldn't give it to all of them. Just one or two, and preferably from the same household. That will help deflect suspicion away from you.

[mzteris]

12. you have to work lots of overtime

because so many have been fired at your company and if you don't you'll get the axe, too. . .

[RevolutionaryActs]

13. You could always fake your death?

Then after the fact claim it was huge misunderstanding. :P

[femmocrat]

14. Toothache!

Nothing is more miserable, and it can just come on you suddenly!

Good luck. :hi:

[Flaxbee]

15. hm. Any way you could meet them somewhere else for about

10-15 minutes? If they're having dinner, or lunch, just say you don't know what your schedule may be, but you could drop in for a drink.

Sometimes a way to shake yourself out of feeling antisocial is to just get it over with and do it.

I know you're not in a good place right now, but quit convincing yourself that everything would be a fiasco.

I've used project deadlines, if that's applicable in your case, to either not meet or cut meetings short.

You say "we" are having people come to town - does the other person not want to meet, either? Does s/he have any good excuses?

[Boojatta]

16. You have a prior engagement on DU.

[Skittles]

18. tell 'em you ate some bad chili

[bigwillq]

19. Sometimes you just have to suck it up.

If you really, really can't do that then you just need to be honest. If you let them know where you're coming from, they will most likely understand. If not, screw 'em! :)

[grasswire]

20. "I'm too well to go, thank you."

I heard this one last month, and it made me laugh really hard.

[crimsonblue]

21. you should ask yourself why you don't want to go

why are you feeling anti-social? answer that question, and you will figure out how to deal with socializing.

[begin_within]

22. A. What is it that they did or said to you that makes you not want to see them.

B. Take that incident and throw it back in their faces. Remind them of what they did or said and say that you are not going to see them ever again, for that reason.

C. Problem solved permanently.

Revenge is so much better than forgiveness. Especially when it's a "mirror revenge" where you do exactly to them what they did to you, or at least, tell them what they said that offended you and explain that is the reason why you won't see them or talk to them ever again. Even if it's been 20 years since the offending incident. It's really satisfying.

[smalll]

23. Tell them "I don't drink with you." They'll likely never invite you again,

if not challenge you to a duel. I'm amazed any DUer has to ask this question.

[TreasonousBastard]

24. You're in hiding because...

that hooker you ripped off has a seven foot tall pimp.

You're going into witness protection.

Ask them if they will help you make bail so you can be around to meet them.

Your house has been quarantined by the CDC and you are undergoing some very painful tests involving certain private parts.

You will be in London arranging for 15,000,000 US DOLLARS to be transferred from a Nigerian bank.

Your next door neighbor has a pet crocodile in his swimming pool.

You just found a crocodile in your swimming pool.

[Zavulon]

25. Claim Montezuma's Revenge.

It's not like anyone is going to insist you provide visual evidence to back up your claim. ;)

[CJCRANE]

26. These days I don't give specific excuses

I just send a message saying something like "I can't make it this time, hope to see you next time" or "something's come up" or "I'm stuck in the batcave".

[WinkyDink]

27. Duty. Just do it.

[NewJeffCT]

28. Something suddenly came up

the old Brady excuse.

[ipfilter]

29. Tell them your having it so bad if you bent

over you could hit the wall with shit. Works every time and nobody will ask about the details.

[tanngrisnir3]

30. Just keep screaming into the phone, "PARAGUAY!! PARAGUAY!! PARAGUAY!!!"

[ogneopasno]

31. The more you explain, the more you lie and the more you get tangled up. Keep it simple:

"I'm not going to be able to make it this weekend; I'll have to catch you next time."

"This weekend is just terrible for me, unfortunately."

"I thought I was going to make it, but it's just not going to work out."

"It's just one of those weekends, you know? I was thinking I could pull something together, but it's just not going to happen this time around."

I like the other suggestion of going for just part of it and leaving early. Best of both worlds. Good luck to you; I know you have a lot going on.

[SarahB]

32. Intestinal issues.

Not one ever wants details.

[no name no slogan]

33. Herpes flare-up

works every time.