Mother in law pasted Thursday with burial tomorrow. Alzheimer's

[The Wielding Truth]

has consumed her slowly ending with 5 years in a care center. Problem is that after absolutely no family support they show up with bells on asking if there is anything that they can do to help my father in law. They made no contact,while living only 2 minutes away,they never once offered their help or called or stopped by to see if he were alive.

They never invited their father or us to their daughters wedding and we have a new great niece with no word to anyone.

It has hurt us deeply and the strain of tending both father and mother for my spouse has been a heavy, but cherished responsibility.

Now tonight with the Father too stunned by the hurt of our mothers death has been whisked off his feet by a Granddaughter who is making up a photo board buying a cake and now has told him that she will volunteer to write the thank you notes.

It sickens me and when I saw her perusing the flowers with the funeral directer I stepped in and
expressed what I had talked about to father in law about the distribution of flowers and presents and how I had seen more than most from our side I would have to give her the addresses.

We agreed to split the duty although she was livid.

I still feel as if she has no right to send hollow thanks to our friends and family.

How wrong am I for feeling disgusted that she is usurping a heart felt job that along with everything else we have handled without their help for all these years?

[pokerfan]

1. Tell them to go fuck themselves

at least that's what I'd do.

[emilyg]

2. I agree.

[The Wielding Truth]

4. Thanks for the support.

[The Wielding Truth]

3. I wish I could, but to me, family always meant forgiveness. We are

trying hard to be cordial, but I hate to be fake. Thanks for letting me accept the feeling that they have wronged us. It feels awful to be ostracized for supporting their father and mother while they stand by and live their lives and exclude us.

One more day to be with them. I hope we don't lose it on them. If I have already, by stopping the granddaughter from her total white wash, I am not happy because I don't want my father in law to be hurt anymore.

Thanks for you support.

[pokerfan]

5. well you don't have to use exactly those words

But I wouldn't go out of my way to accommodate them either.

It took my mother two months to die from cancer which is easier than most. My brother who actually lived closer couldn't be bothered (didn't want to use his vacation time he said) to help her, so it all fell to me.

Of course, when it came time to settle the estate, he had all the time in the world...

[The Wielding Truth]

6. Wow, sounds familiar. One of them said " I'm gonna get what's

coming to me." The thing is, the state will get the house, and that's about it. A supportive cousin was to drive Father's car home while we took him home then this guy shows up driving the car. You think he was sizing it up? We don't care if we get anything.

I just hope that he doesn't get taken by them in the months to come. They will no doubt try to put him in a home at the first sight of weakness.

[pokerfan]

8. Who is the executor?

Who has the letters and testimony? All that really matters is that the last will be carried out.

[elleng]

9. Why would the state get the house?

If there's a Will, it prevails; if not, ordinarily spouse and children (direct descendents) get what there is, house/home; car; bank accounts; other things.

So sorry you have to put up with this. It might be a good idea if you (or someone close) could make a strong statement that 'we, the close family, will attend to all matters.'

[The Wielding Truth]

7. One more day. Got to get some sleep. Thanks,buddy.